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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not inviting my partner’s dad to my daughter’s party?

76 replies

JohnnyP3n · 04/01/2023 11:02

So, I'm organising a birthday party for my daughter's birthday with my ex. My new girlfriend has just been introduced to my ex and that circle of friends, which is great, but she wants to invite her dad to the party as well. My ex hasn't met him yet although my children all have and like him.

I personally think it might not be quite the right occasion to be introducing him, as it might blindside my ex, and I've upset my partner by not inviting him.

AIBU?

OP posts:
WinnieFosterReads · 04/01/2023 11:31

Ah so he is 'down visiting'. Is he staying with your gf? Has she asked because she didn't want to leave him on his own when he's come to visit?
He still shouldn't attend but that context makes her request slightly less odd.

Hoppinggreen · 04/01/2023 11:32

Your GF shouldn’t be there, let alone her Dad

Original poster
JohnnyP3n · 04/01/2023 11:32

girlmom21 · 04/01/2023 11:28

Is she asking if he can come just so he's not the only person not attending and isn't left on his own?

If so, that's a bit different.

Yes, that’s right. He’s visiting and she includes him in everything (GF’s mother/his wife died when she was young) as he’s fairly lonely. He’d happily come along if invited but also doesn’t want to impose.

OP posts:
NeverGonnaNot · 04/01/2023 11:32

Nope, no reason at all for him to be there.

Holly60 · 04/01/2023 11:32

ElephantInTheKitchen · 04/01/2023 11:04

Tricky one; could you arrange for your partner to meet your new girlfriend's dad before the party?

It's in no way a tricky one. You don't have to invite your new partner's dad to your child's birthday party.

MaggieFS · 04/01/2023 11:34

WinnieFosterReads · 04/01/2023 11:31

Ah so he is 'down visiting'. Is he staying with your gf? Has she asked because she didn't want to leave him on his own when he's come to visit?
He still shouldn't attend but that context makes her request slightly less odd.

This, plus if he's already so involved as per your follow up post, then it's less downright odd than your OP made it sound.

So assuming it's not weird, why does your ex need to meet him beforehand? Why can't he just come along?

HadEnoughOfBears · 04/01/2023 11:36

Crunchymum · 04/01/2023 11:23

Your new GF sounds pushy and overbearing.

I assume you have gone from a straight to gay relationship @JohnnyP3n ?

Your DC's birthday party isn't the time or place for people to be meeting a "new" partners family.

And on the subject - how new is new? How long has this GF been on the scene?

A straight to a gay relationship? Where does that come across in the OP? And what difference would if make to the situation anyway?

MichelleScarn · 04/01/2023 11:36

A 10 Yr olds party, so lasting few hours at most? Am sure he can manage that! I'd be concerned about what she would expect moving forward if you ever move in. Him to join every family event/holiday? move in too?

girlmom21 · 04/01/2023 11:37

What kind of party is it @JohnnyP3n? Are your parents going to be there? Will your exes parents?

Taxistaxing · 04/01/2023 11:38

Your girlfriend sounds very immature.

How does your DD and exw? feel about your girlfriend being at Dd party? Introduction is one thing, having them at a birthday party could be awkward.

Original poster
JohnnyP3n · 04/01/2023 11:40

girlmom21 · 04/01/2023 11:37

What kind of party is it @JohnnyP3n? Are your parents going to be there? Will your exes parents?

Party in a park and no grandparents will be there (which I’m also conscious of).

OP posts:
jadedspark · 04/01/2023 11:41

I definitely don't think he needs to be there, but then again I'm not sure why your ex would have a problem with it either? Obviously you know him better than we do so I think if it's likely to cause any amniosity then you're right to hold off for now.

girlmom21 · 04/01/2023 11:44

If there are no other grandparents there, @JohnnyP3n, I would give that at your reason. There'll be nobody there to entertain him.

Could you suggest she takes him out for lunch instead, or would she be upset by that too?

jadedspark · 04/01/2023 11:45

Will no grandparents be there because they aren't invited or because they wouldn't want to come?

I think if you do decide to invite him then grandparents should definitely have the option to come along too.

Original poster
JohnnyP3n · 04/01/2023 11:46

jadedspark · 04/01/2023 11:41

I definitely don't think he needs to be there, but then again I'm not sure why your ex would have a problem with it either? Obviously you know him better than we do so I think if it's likely to cause any amniosity then you're right to hold off for now.

She probably wouldn’t have a problem with him being there if I’m honest. It might just be a bit awkward having a relative newcomer to an intimate event.

OP posts:
Taxistaxing · 04/01/2023 11:46

jadedspark · 04/01/2023 11:45

Will no grandparents be there because they aren't invited or because they wouldn't want to come?

I think if you do decide to invite him then grandparents should definitely have the option to come along too.

....given he isn't even a grandparent

Crunchymum · 04/01/2023 11:47

HadEnoughOfBears · 04/01/2023 11:36

A straight to a gay relationship? Where does that come across in the OP? And what difference would if make to the situation anyway?

Show quote history

Surely the Ex is her DC father and she clearly says "new girlfriend" so.....

The relevance is If this is a new thing (the OP coming out as Bi) then there could potentially be conflict and a kids party is not the time nor place. The OP says herself she doesn't want to make her Ex uncomfortable by having the new GF father there?

In any event, regardless of who is male / female / gay or straight the new GF has no right whatsoever so expect her family to be invited to this party.

Crunchymum · 04/01/2023 11:48

Okay ex is female too, I take it all back barring this:

regardless of who is male / female / gay or straight the new GF has no right whatsoever so expect her family to be invited to this party

10HailMarys · 04/01/2023 11:49

Your new partner is being ridiculous. A grown man can spend a few hours on his own, and you are right that this is really not the occasion to introduce him to people - especially if the other grandparents aren't going to be there.

It doesn't even sound as if your girlfriend's dad is actually bothered anyway - you said he'd go if asked, but also doesn't want to impose, so he clearly totally understands why it might not be appropriate and is being fine about it. It's your girlfriend who's acting like a spoilt brat about the whole thing. She needs to grow up.

Taxistaxing · 04/01/2023 11:50

I would tell gf either she comes on her own or stays with her dad. The day is about your 10 yo princess not the drama queen.

AngelDelightUK · 04/01/2023 11:50

Is it so she doesn’t feel awkward too and has someone there “with” her so to speak

if he’s down visiting it is a bit mean to leave him out tbh

pinkyredrose · 04/01/2023 11:54

Why the hell would he want to go to a child's party! Can he not amuse himself for a couple of hours?

Original poster
JohnnyP3n · 04/01/2023 11:54

jadedspark · 04/01/2023 11:45

Will no grandparents be there because they aren't invited or because they wouldn't want to come?

I think if you do decide to invite him then grandparents should definitely have the option to come along too.

Bit of both: work commitments and thinking they wouldn’t enjoy it are the main reasons for no grandparents being there

OP posts:
ElephantInTheKitchen · 04/01/2023 11:57

With a username that includes "Johnny" I'm guessing the OP is male.

Not that it makes any difference to this equation if the OP was in a same sex relationship.

Original poster
JohnnyP3n · 04/01/2023 11:57

AngelDelightUK · 04/01/2023 11:50

Is it so she doesn’t feel awkward too and has someone there “with” her so to speak

if he’s down visiting it is a bit mean to leave him out tbh

Could be someone to talk to but GF is confident enough to be around the ex and her friends. I think it’s more about wanting to make her dad feel appreciated while he’s here

OP posts: