AMA- I was a spoiled brat

[amabrat]

hi! This AMA may be crap so apologies in advance if it fails 😂

Ive heard people talking on here about people and children being spoiled brats etc. I was a spoiled brat when I was younger. I got what I wanted and it reflected in the way I was as a person and not always in a good way.

just thought I would do an AMA about it- as I said, apologies if it fails but just thought I’d give it a go☺️

(also apologies, I’ve just realised I posted in AIBU, I thought I was in AMA, I will ask MN to move it)

Ooh interesting!

What kind of level of spoiled? Are we talking mum never said no when you wanted a toy you walked past in a shop, or private jets, designer clothes and the butler brushed your hair for you?

What was the worst/most spoiled thing you ever did?

(Assuming you are no longer this way) when and how did you see the light, so to speak?

What did you do to get your way? Did it bother you that your gain was someone else's pain?

When did you stop becoming ‘spoilt’?
Are there any benefits to being spoilt?
What do you define as spoilt?

So we weren’t rich rich (like millionaires) but we were well off compared to others and I knew my limits if that makes sense- I knew by asking for a private jet for example we couldn’t afford it! But we were well off in comparison to a lot of people. I grew up in a big family and I was the baby of the family so I just got whatever I wanted. I wanted a pony? Got it. I wanted to fly across the world for my sweet 16th? Got it. Wanted to fly first class? Did it. If I wanted something I got it (I just knew not to ask for things outside what I knew we could afford if that makes sense)

My parents wanted me to be mature so I grew up going to fancy restaurants tailored to adults and ate scallops over children’s food. But, they also wanted me to be balanced as realistically we weren’t super rich rich, so I also went to normal cafes and ate fish fingers sometimes too! It was a bit of a mix. But I was brought up with massive emphasis on etiquette- I sat at the table as a toddler and didn’t make a sound or have bad manners and there was high expectations of me. I suppose it’s sort of a mix (sorry that’s a crap answer)

Maybe one of the most spoiled thing I did was consider calling childline after my family wouldn’t buy me something I wanted (because it was impractical). I genuinely considered it abuse that someone said no to me. Thankfully I didn’t call them but I remember feeling that the world was so cruel and I couldn’t understand the word no!

so my family were always big on education. It’s not a nice outlook and I don’t agree with it, but they wanted me to do a ‘good job’ and I grew up mountains at Uni. I remember being shocked at having to wash my dishes and that putting them in the sink meant they stayed in the sink. I was used to everyone doing everything for me and it was a huge wake up.

I never really had to do anything other than ask, and if it could be done, I just expected it. I was brought up with an inflated self worth and sort of thought I was entitled to whatever I wanted. But, my parents had 0 tolerance for nasty behaviour and I never would have upset or hurt anyone to get my way. I used to cry if I accidentally stepped on a bug! If it were between getting my way or being nasty to someone, I wouldn’t have been nasty and I wouldn’t have got what I wanted, but I’d have been heartbroken and devastated because I was so used to getting my way all the time (hope that makes sense)

What’s your relationship to money/possessions like now? Do you still find it hard when you can’t have what you want?

I stopped being spoiled when I became an adult, although I accept that it continued into adulthood in the sense that I had much more help than I should have as an adult who could stand on their own two feet. For example, living at home rent free would be an option for me if I wanted it, and I could save up and buy a house without even spending a penny on food. Obviously I wouldn’t do that and I would never take advantage of my parents like that, but I accept I’m lucky to even have that option.

realistically if I had some distaster and needed x thousand to cover it, I know I could call my parents and it would be in my bank in seconds no questions asked. And most people don’t have that option I suppose. But obviously I would never do that or take advantage of them, just sort of trying to explain what I mean if that makes sense.

I wouldn’t really say there are any benefits tbh. When you get what you want you always want more and more and more. I remember being furious that I didn’t have channel sunnies I saw on Instagram. Meanwhile I was flying first class to the Caribbean and getting Tiffany jewellery. But you always want more and more and more I suppose.

We have a great relationship now and I love them to bits. They gave me an incredible childhood and are some of the kindest people I know.

some of our wider family were well intentioned but not great. I’m not as close to them. Other elements to my upbringing were hard as there was a lot of pressure. For example, I’m not saying this is correct because it’s absolutely AWFUL and wrong, but weight was used by some members of my family as if that reflected self worth. Basically I was told don’t be fat and lazy because then you’ll be a slob, you have to be skinny and have nice skin and go to nice restaurants and have a nice boyfriend. It was a lot of pressure and it changed my relationship with food for example. i was too grown up too quickly.

I’m so sorry I misread your question as my relationship to my parents- sorry! I’ll rewrite a reply below.

Have you done anything, e.g. volunteering at soup kitchens etc, to help you gain perspective that not everyone is privileged and to help others?

My relationship with money now is weird. I find it really hard to take money seriously because I suppose it just seems so easily replaced and I’ll get more. I just put the heating on and don’t think about the cost. I shower twice a day and don’t think about it. I get food from pret and if I saw something in a shop I wanted I would just buy it. But, I don’t just extend that to me, it’s others aswell and sometimes that’s a struggle. I want to buy everything for my family and friends and actually time and being a good friend is more important than expensive things. I give a lot of money to charity and volunteer which has helped. Some of the posts on here about people being cold and can’t afford to heat their homes- I’ll be 100% honest that my default reaction would be wtf it doesn’t cost much, just put the heater on? But now as an adult I can see that actually, for some people it does cost a lot and that’s a very self centred outlook for me to have.

Knowing what you know now, what, if anything would you change when bringing up your own children?

Do you know where the AMA board is?

Yeah I did a lot of voluntary work which helped change me as before that I was massively judgmental and that helped me see that for some people, the things I take for granted and have tantrums about would be unimaginable. I needed that perspective and it definitely helped

What do you do for money now? Job/salary situation?

Or do you have a trust/account you can access?

I understand that you were spoiled and overindulged, but how on earth did you dump dishes in a uni kitchen and expect them to get cleaned? Like despite being spoiled, surely you had a level of normal intelligence to get to university, so you presumably had the comprehension to understand that other unrelated people would not do your house chores for you? What was the thinking?

Same with the incredulous attitude over people not being able to afford things - surely even though you yourself were spoiled, you can use your level of normal human comprehension to tot up how much a full time wage on NMW would bring in, and understand from that that some people could not afford what you can.

i would want them to be happy, secure and never worry about money- but I wouldn’t want them to be overly cocky and lose perspective of it like I did.

for example, I never did chores as a child. I was brought up that it’s not my job and why should I. I didn’t even clear the table and it just didn’t enter my mind to do it. As an adult, it was massively embarrassing to ask how to wash up cutlery or use a washing machine or clean a toilet. I had to learn a lot on YouTube. I don’t want my children to work as slaves but I also don’t want them to be unable to do basic things like that

it’s weird because I was brought up to be polite and respectful to everyone, but other parts of my childhood were the opposite: eg I remember going on a drive to a rougher part of town and being told if I didn’t study hard and get a good job I would end up somewhere like that (and the implication was that it would be a terrible thing to end up there). I would want my children to be happy and never feel like they aren’t good enough no matter what path they take in life (as long as it’s not a bad path eg a bad criminal if that makes sense, haha)

Thank you for being honest.

You mention being the baby of a large family. Did your older siblings have it harder (if so, any resentment?) or did they have a similar upbringing?

Honestly I don’t know, I don’t even think I was thinking. It was just autopilot I suppose. If you had asked me would I expect other people to do my chores I’d have said no absolutely not that’s not fair on them, but equally I don’t know who I expected to do them. I don’t even have an answer sorry but I grew up very, very quickly after that!

Yeah I absolutely can now. I just meant as a teenager it was really hard to have perspective I suppose. Some of my friends were from normal backgrounds but still well off compared to average, and other friends had staff to do their cooking and cleaning. I guess it was just hard to have perspective but I definitely got it when I grew up thankfully!

No they were all the same but I definitely had extra as the baby! We had normal squabbles but thankfully we all get on as adults, haha