AMA- I was a spoiled brat

[amabrat]

hi! This AMA may be crap so apologies in advance if it fails 😂

Ive heard people talking on here about people and children being spoiled brats etc. I was a spoiled brat when I was younger. I got what I wanted and it reflected in the way I was as a person and not always in a good way.

just thought I would do an AMA about it- as I said, apologies if it fails but just thought I’d give it a go☺️

Sorry but I have no idea what you’re meaning. I’m just trying to be honest and answer questions. It’s a bit insulting to call it hilarious when I’m talking about some harder parts of my childhood too

So my job is a little bit outing but it’s related to business and I make a good salary and don’t worry about money. I have private healthcare and so on. I also do voluntary jobs on the side and help with things like food bank collections. I didn’t have a trust fund because my parents didn’t see the need as they just gave me whatever I wanted and would have continued into adulthood had I not said absolutely no way and realised how much of a brat I was being as a child. But they didn’t want to give me a set amount, they just wanted to give me anything I needed even as an adult eg they would have bought my car, house deposit etc if I needed obviously I didn’t want that from them! Hope that makes sense sorry not the best at explaining things!

Were you privately educated or did you go to state school? Were your childhood friends like you?

Private. They were a mix- some were posh and had cleaners and people to cook for them, others were much more ‘normal’ but still relatively well off IYSWIM. They’re all nice people as adults though and nobody is snobby or bratty now thankfully!

This is an eye opening read, really glad you at least got a bit of perspective. I wish some politicians would, I suspect alot were brought up like you and never grew out of it and just eyeroll when the poor can't just turn the heating on and just like earn more easily replaceable money as they charge the taxpayer to heat their stables.

As for AMA I guess have you ever made any real working class friends or are these just people you encountered during volunteering. I always assume people from the upper-middle classes keep their social networks quite cliquey so as not to feel any guilt (like the infamous Sunak interview)

Thanks for the honesty, of course your upbringing isn't your fault at all. X

I’m going to guess you’re about 28, still incredible immature and now that different from who you were as a teenager even after all this ‘perspective’.

OP - I was brought up very similarly both in terms of getting material things (although i was never into designer stuff, I would often go on super expensive foreign exchange trips to the US, France etc in the summer holidays) but also with the importance of being slim and very highly educated. For example it was inconceivable that I wouldn't get a First from a top university. Grew up in an ex pat community where all this was common and I didn't know any different!

Never had chores either- my 'job' was to study! Had a lot to learn at Uni - other students laughed when I didn't know how to use the washing machine or wash dishes to begin with, but to be honest it was piss easy to learn - it doesn't need years of training (contrary to the MN trope that if your kids don't start doing chores at the age of 3 then they'll be lazy cocklodgers for life) 😜

I'm now poorer but pretty relaxed about money, and (I think) more easy going in general than most people i know - so it's not all that bad!

OP, hats off to you for this - what do you do now to catch yourself with spoiled attitudes?

Thank you very much!

yeah I have friends from all walks of life now- not because I want to use them for my education purposes so I can have some self growth, but because I genuinely love them as my friends and I don’t care where someone has come from or what their social status is like. But as a teenager i was an internally judgmental little horror- I would NEVER have said it or caused any hurt to anyone, but I would have privately judged people who went on what I considered cheaper holidays for example rather than the Caribbean. Or who wore cheap jewellery not Tiffany. Or who didn’t have any pets instead of several ponies. It’s an awful attitude to have and I must have known it was judgemental because I knew it would be hurtful to say to so I didn’t, so deep down I knew it was judgemental, but I suppose it was ingrained a bit. I’m so glad I didn’t ever say it out loud or upset anyone although I feel guilt for even being so stuck up and snobby in my head. I absolutely despise the tories now and I don’t pretend to come from a tough background or try to seem more relatable or like I’m down with the poor people because that’s frankly insulting to pretend that I understand what it’s like, but I try to be as charitable and kind as I can as an adult and the tories are everything I despise

You’re entitled to your guess but you’re completely wrong on just about all of it!

Good for you @amabrat
Sounds like you have grown a lot.

Did you have a Nanny?

That’s so interesting to read other similar experiences! And like you said too, there is pressure regarding weight and other things and unfortunately that doesn’t always get better or go away even when you’re an adult and away from it all. I suppose that’s the not so nice side of it all. My family member in question told me she wouldn’t have a fat ugly lump for a child because she would be embarrassed to take me out for dinner like that! Absolutely dreadful.

thats lovely to hear you’re happy now and have a good life! It’s reassuring that we can turn out to be nice people too!😊

Oh I forgot my actual question! 😄If you have or plan to have children, which aspects of your own bringing (if any) would you pass on to your own children?

Maybe one of the most spoiled thing I did was consider calling childline after my family wouldn’t buy me something I wanted (because it was impractical). I genuinely considered it abuse that someone said no to me. Thankfully I didn’t call them but I remember feeling that the world was so cruel and I couldn’t understand the word no!

This really made me laugh. Not in a sneery way, it is genuinely funny. You are disarmingly honest.

Was you grateful for what you had as you call yourself a spoilt brat but from what I’ve read so far I only see you as a spoilt child in my opinion a spoilt brat would be a child that isn’t grateful or thankful for what they have/had and are totally disrespectful towards others to get their own way and purposely cause upset or hurt others feelings to get their own way I certainly wasn’t spoilt as a child grew up poor and had to all do chores and take on responsibilities for things but still had realisations of things I had to do when I first moved out I had never thought about not washing dishes no but things like emptying the fluff out of the small tumble dryer I had as parents had never showed me this, seems just because your parents could afford to give to you the life you had and you didn’t need to do chores and they chose too give you that life but still raised a decent child and a great adult today from your posts to me that doesn’t make you a spoilt brat.

I tell myself to cop the fuck on and stop being such a stuck up cow. I was told by certain family members when I was growing up for example that people on benefits are all cheaters, lazy, all the usual disgraceful stereotypes. An absolutely appalling outlook to have and thankfully, by the time I was old enough to understand what benefits even were, I realised that what I had been told was appalling and not what I agreed with. As an adult I never get stuck up thoughts about other people anymore, but I still struggle not to spoil myself IYSWIM. If I see something in a shop, and I want it, it’s as if my brain says I deserve it. And I still struggle sometimes to see money as a serious thing and I’m too frivolous and impulsive about it. I don’t think about things properly. It’s good to have some self control and be able to say yes, I want it, but there’s lots of things I want and I don’t need them, and I don’t always have to spoil myself. That’s the part I struggle with if I’m being totally honest but I’m working on it!

That's really good to hear, tbf we all grow up being the products of our environment and it takes alot of deprogramming (and character) to get over learnt prejudices.

I came from a working class background and I had alot of prejudice against travellers and gypsies growing up, it took me well into adulthood before I unlearnt the racism to that group. As long as people are willing to grow and recognise the struggles of others there's hope, you sound like a good person OP, glad you didn't turn out Tory. 😅

@amabrat

fair play to you OP!

Just out of interest what did your parents do for work to be able to afford such a lifestyle? (Obviously you don’t have to be too specific!) Was their money inherited wealth or self made?

Haha I wish I was joking.

IIRC, we had been told at school that childline was for if you were upset or sad or needed help. I wanted to go to Dubai because that’s what was popular at school but we were going to America and surprisingly the week before we couldn’t change the tickets it was just impractical and not possible. I remember going to my room sobbing and digging out the little card from school and thinking yes, this is exactly what childline is for. Thankfully I didn’t call them but in some ways I wish I had so I could have had an earful about being a spoilt little madam and maybe I’d have grown up a bit quicker!

Gosh! How old were you when the America/Dubai thing happened? Did you really not consider at the time that it was completely unreasonable? Did you have any sense of perspective/knowledge of children who suffered in life through abuse and poverty?

It’s unusual to hear from someone who had gained so much perspective on their life and can look at it so honestly.

Honestly, very little!

I want them to be secure and happy and never worry about money- but I want them to see the value of it and never take it for granted. And I want them to be successful and happy, whether they are fat, thin, rich, poor, I just want them to be happy and know they’ll always be enough for me regardless.

I would definitely privately educate them though, that’s probably the only thing I would carry from my childhood.

I wouldn’t have them wearing designer clothes or have social media until they’re old enough to not be influenced by it or join in the competitiveness that comes with it

i would want them to try all the ‘posh foods’ but unlike my upbringing I wouldn’t want them to relate it to their self worth as a person, if they prefer chicken nuggets then they’re just as good a person as someone who likes scallops and caviar 😊

Thank you very much, that’s such a kind lovely message!

Thank you very much! I absolutely agree with you- it takes so much effort to change how you are brought up and it’s frightening that your childhood can have such a profound and lasting effect on you, for good or for bad!
Haha thankfully not a Tory. Although a large number of my family are. Makes Christmas Day very interesting especially after a few drinks!

You sound really lovely OP! 😊

Thanks for all your honest replies!