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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a bad feeling about this teacher

75 replies

Notbeinfunnehbut · 03/01/2023 16:22

My DS in in Y4 and has a teacher who gives me a very bad feeling

I have older children so im
aware teachers vary in temperament, ability, patience etc and that most are doing their best .

But this one, … I had to report him for gesturing in an unprofessional way is children asked them
’Too many questions’

is notorious for ‘naming and shaming’ kids

someone told me a relative of theirs used to make themselves sick to avoid going to school as this teachers pupil

has made my DS sit on his own for months and when my DS enquired why he couldn’t have a partner , teacher said
“I bet you want one just to do all your work, “😡
ds has dyslexic traits and does ask for help
with spelling as he gets minimum support,
he’s been getting full marks in tests recently he was so proud of himself 😡😢

He’s been so upset by it all he’s said he wants to move classes , im just endlessly hearing about very imo childish and unprofessional outbursts

I know I need to ring up
And discuss calmly just need to collect my thoughts about what to say and who to talk to

OP posts:
Mamamia7962 · 03/01/2023 16:24

If your son has been made to sit on his own for months why have you not been in before now to discuss this with the teacher?

BlackFriday · 03/01/2023 16:27

Report him for what? A "bad feeling" you have?

Really?

MichelleScarn · 03/01/2023 16:29

Had to report him for gesturing in an unprofessional way is children asked them
’Too many questions’

is notorious for ‘naming and shaming’ kids

What do either of these mean?!

Goldenbear · 03/01/2023 16:32

Helpful Mamamia7962,

Op, can you speak to the teacher in the first instance to establish whether the teacher is aware of the situation, I think that will tell you quite a bit. You could say you are alarmed to hear the above, that coupled with the months of sitting alone may back up what your son is saying. Do any other parents from the class say simila?

The school will possibly tell you to follow the complaints system then.

Chickenly · 03/01/2023 16:32

Imagine thinking your bad feeling is an actual complaint. Let’s be honest, any man working in a primary school gets a horrifically hard time - there’s no money in the world that would make me put up with the shit they put up with (if I were a man).

If you have real concerns then report him. I’m sure your child’s word that they “gestured in an unprofessional way” and that he was accused of wanting to copy the work of others despite getting 100% on his own will get the response you’re hoping for.

What’s a “dyslexic trait”? Is he dyslexic or not? Clearly he is getting support if he’s getting 100% on his tests.

Original poster
Notbeinfunnehbut · 03/01/2023 16:38

I’m being deliberately vague in some of my details

to clarify I learned of the being sat alone today

OP posts:
Original poster
Notbeinfunnehbut · 03/01/2023 16:41

In terms of gesturing in an inappropriate way

I made the complaint a bit ago

he , to his credit rang and apologised

didn’t deny it though,

the gestures were rude and behind my DSs back in front of the class , im being reasonably vague for reasons

OP posts:
Original poster
Notbeinfunnehbut · 03/01/2023 16:42

Goldenbear · 03/01/2023 16:32

Helpful Mamamia7962,

Op, can you speak to the teacher in the first instance to establish whether the teacher is aware of the situation, I think that will tell you quite a bit. You could say you are alarmed to hear the above, that coupled with the months of sitting alone may back up what your son is saying. Do any other parents from the class say simila?

The school will possibly tell you to follow the complaints system then.

Thankyou for the response I’ve had mixed opinions from parents

OP posts:
Chickenly · 03/01/2023 16:42

Notbeinfunnehbut · 03/01/2023 16:41

In terms of gesturing in an inappropriate way

I made the complaint a bit ago

he , to his credit rang and apologised

didn’t deny it though,

the gestures were rude and behind my DSs back in front of the class , im being reasonably vague for reasons

I can’t express to you how many “I’m sorry that you were so devastatingly upset by absolutely nothing” phone calls teachers have to make. It’s not an indication that you were right.

Andsoforth · 03/01/2023 16:45

I’m reading between the lines here and I’m livid on your ds’ behalf.

This is not ok.

Mamamia7962 · 03/01/2023 16:45

The first thing you need to do then is go and talk to the teacher and discuss any concerns you have with him.

BritAbroad101 · 03/01/2023 16:47

Some teachers are strict, overly strict even

Some teachers are pretty horrible

We will all have examples of this. It’s part and parcel of being at school - prepares you for life where not everyone is exactly as you’d like to find them

Unless he’s being abusive then there’s nothing to see here

Chickenly · 03/01/2023 16:50

Andsoforth · 03/01/2023 16:45

I’m reading between the lines here and I’m livid on your ds’ behalf.

This is not ok.

People do tend to get “livid” about things when they invent their own version of the OP 😂

Cait33 · 03/01/2023 16:55

I feel for you OP. My eldest had an awful teacher in yr 5 and I'm dreading the possibility of my youngest getting him next year. Sounds similar to your DCs teacher too.

I'd definitely have a chat though - making them aware you won't let your child be treated badly is sometimes enough to sort these bullies out. I'm all for my kids fighting their own battles where appropriate but a student-teacher situation is a power imbalance so you need to step in.

The majority of teachers are on the good/great/amazing end of the scale but sadly some are not. And it's nothing to do with them being vilified because they're men as a PP suggested - though I do think male primary school teachers are sometimes allowed to get away with worse behaviour than females would be simply because they're in a minority in the profession.

pairofrollerskates · 03/01/2023 17:00

Most teachers go into the profession for positive reasons. If you go and speak to the teacher, telling them that your child is unhappy at school and seeking support, you are more likely to get the result you want than if you go in with all guns blazing, throwing accusations that may or may not be wholly accurate, and which will put the teacher on the defensive. The way you approach this issue will determine the outcome.

Jusmakingit · 03/01/2023 17:08

I had a horrible teacher at school, my maths teacher - well he was a sub then took over full time from the original teacher. He was horrible , taught maths. I was so good at maths and really enjoyed it but when this new teacher started he just purposefully bullied me , made me sit alone and then called me names etc and then eventually he put me in isolation for two weeks. I didnt mind cause i could jsut get on with my work in peace but i never went back to his class cause it was relentless. I never gained my maths gcse because of him and now at nearly 40 i have to take a gcse in maths to do the job i want to persu.

Dont let this teacher mess your childs education up.

Original poster
Notbeinfunnehbut · 03/01/2023 17:11

Cait33 · 03/01/2023 16:55

I feel for you OP. My eldest had an awful teacher in yr 5 and I'm dreading the possibility of my youngest getting him next year. Sounds similar to your DCs teacher too.

I'd definitely have a chat though - making them aware you won't let your child be treated badly is sometimes enough to sort these bullies out. I'm all for my kids fighting their own battles where appropriate but a student-teacher situation is a power imbalance so you need to step in.

The majority of teachers are on the good/great/amazing end of the scale but sadly some are not. And it's nothing to do with them being vilified because they're men as a PP suggested - though I do think male primary school teachers are sometimes allowed to get away with worse behaviour than females would be simply because they're in a minority in the profession.

Thankyou for listening and not just mocking it’s a horrible feeling of powerlessness isn’t it?

it’s quite disturbing actually some adults on here think being rude and making rude gestures to mock a child behind their back in front of peers is just being strict ? 🙁

OP posts:
Original poster
Notbeinfunnehbut · 03/01/2023 17:13

Jusmakingit · 03/01/2023 17:08

I had a horrible teacher at school, my maths teacher - well he was a sub then took over full time from the original teacher. He was horrible , taught maths. I was so good at maths and really enjoyed it but when this new teacher started he just purposefully bullied me , made me sit alone and then called me names etc and then eventually he put me in isolation for two weeks. I didnt mind cause i could jsut get on with my work in peace but i never went back to his class cause it was relentless. I never gained my maths gcse because of him and now at nearly 40 i have to take a gcse in maths to do the job i want to persu.

Dont let this teacher mess your childs education up.

Oh I’m so sorry!

how could a teacher willingly mistreat a child , it’s terrible x

OP posts:
itsjustnotok · 03/01/2023 17:14

I hate the ‘read between the lines’ people. Investigate and then speak to someone like an adult. My friend was like this. Her DD came out of class crying saying that her male teacher had let the entire class laugh at her and made her feel bad. He seemingly stood there watching and allowed the ‘entire’ class scream at her and make fun. My friend doesn’t like this teacher, she stood in the playground screaming. And I mean screaming, she was ready for a fight without asking anything of the school. So I suggested she sit down with her DD and ask a few questions, when, what happened before, during and after. Specifically whether there were certain kids or not. It turned out it was 2 boys who made rude gestures at her and threw her water bottle when the teacher turned his back to write on the board. The screaming from the same 2 boys came when the teacher asked why she was upset. It also turned out that half the class had been taken out of lessons for the health visitor. Had my friend gone in screaming without gathering some info she would have looked like a twat. Instead she went in specifically about the two lads to sort it out.

Soontobe60 · 03/01/2023 17:15

Notbeinfunnehbut · 03/01/2023 17:11

Thankyou for listening and not just mocking it’s a horrible feeling of powerlessness isn’t it?

it’s quite disturbing actually some adults on here think being rude and making rude gestures to mock a child behind their back in front of peers is just being strict ? 🙁

Show quote history

As you seem reluctant to state what this ‘rude gesture’ was, we can’t possibly give an informed opinion!

Jusmakingit · 03/01/2023 17:18

Notbeinfunnehbut · 03/01/2023 17:13

Oh I’m so sorry!

how could a teacher willingly mistreat a child , it’s terrible x

Show quote history

Cause he was an a*hole who clearly loved himself and being the class entertainment rather than actually doing his job. The more the class laughed at his jibes at me the more he kept going. I dont think some people grow up and your lovely teacher sounds like he enjoys doing the same.

Surely there is enough 'evidence' from the children and other parents who can come together about this. I assume the teacher will be on a careful watch if parents bring this up to the head or your council, but i would defo start with talking to the teacher first. In a proper way, after school in a meeting not just at the school gate.

FangedFrisbee · 03/01/2023 17:19

Yeah get him sacked do it op! And see how shit the supply is at the moment

darjeelingrose · 03/01/2023 17:21

Ok @Notbeinfunnehbut so say you complain. I don't understand what your complaint is. What would say and what would you hope to obtain? Another teacher?

Pushingdaisys · 03/01/2023 17:23

I’d report him anything to do with my kids naming and shaming kids is not right.

dutysuite · 03/01/2023 17:25

My daughter had a horrible teacher in year 4, totally tried to destroy her confidence, when my daughter was punched and kicked in the stomach by three boys she told my daughter the witnesses claimed not to see it happen which was untrue but made my daughter feel unheard and scared. There was also a very tall girl in my daughters class who was conscious of her height and the teacher would make her stand up against her almost daily to do a height comparison knowing full well this made her extremely embarrassed and uncomfortable. I along with many other parents came together to make a formal complaint against this cruel teacher, she should never have been in the profession.