To have a bad feeling about this teacher

[Notbeinfunnehbut]

My DS in in Y4 and has a teacher who gives me a very bad feeling

I have older children so im
aware teachers vary in temperament, ability, patience etc and that most are doing their best .

But this one, … I had to report him for gesturing in an unprofessional way is children asked them
’Too many questions’

is notorious for ‘naming and shaming’ kids

someone told me a relative of theirs used to make themselves sick to avoid going to school as this teachers pupil

has made my DS sit on his own for months and when my DS enquired why he couldn’t have a partner , teacher said
“I bet you want one just to do all your work, “😡
ds has dyslexic traits and does ask for help
with spelling as he gets minimum support,
he’s been getting full marks in tests recently he was so proud of himself 😡😢

He’s been so upset by it all he’s said he wants to move classes , im just endlessly hearing about very imo childish and unprofessional outbursts

I know I need to ring up
And discuss calmly just need to collect my thoughts about what to say and who to talk to

Are they back at school today? They aren't where I live.

OK. Apparently they are in some areas.

yes went back today I imagine areas vary

You’d pull your kid out of their school for that?

Is there a TA in the room?

If you are not happy and you’ve already spoken to the teacher then I’d go higher.

Of course if there is a TA in the room then they’ll be able to give the head a good idea of what’s happening in class and if they have any concerns.

I think you should meet with the teacher in the first instance. I wasn't overly impressed with my daughter's teacher at the start of this year my daughter was a bit withdrawn in his class and for the first time didn't want to go to school but we had a really productive meeting to chat things through as he also felt he wasn't getting the best out of her. He's been absolutely brilliant since. Definitely one of the better teachers my daughter has had, open to saying to my daughter that if she didn't understand things he's the one who has to change approach. I love my child but I think it's important to get context from the teacher.

I'd also advise against this discussion with other parents, another class in my daughter's year group ended up with some vendetta against another teacher all winding each other up and picking at things about this teacher. In reality the teacher had done nothing wrong it was some exaggerations from children who's parents snowballed things.

In year 3 I had an awful bully of a teacher. Vile man. He had a few kids in the class he will hold pick on (I was one, but there were others) and try to catch out or humiliate. He would then like and tell parents these kids were naughty. This was odd, as all the kids he bullied had been towards the top of the class in the previous school year. I used to dread class and started making myself sick after school lunch in the toilets. No one believed is kids, untill a few of the parents spoke to each other after the Christmas plays.

He was also weirdly obsessed with two or three quieter girls in the class. Was overly obsessed with neat handwriting and word take his favourite few over to the cupboards to whisper to. Whilst telling the rest of the class we were rubbish.

He was a very odd, nasty man. He was fortunately a NQT and the school did not renew his contract at the end of the school year.

As an adult now, the whole thing raises serious safeguarding concerns... But schools weren't as on top of those things in the early 90s.

100% this.

I was bullied by a teacher at school.

I was undergoing diagnosis for something that can only be definitely diagnosed by ecg.

Teacher said I was lazy and playing everyone and refused to go along with the accommodations the specialist gave while we waited for the scan.
Accommodations were ‘get SomePosters to repeat any instructions given so you can be sure she has heard them’
Nothing wildly challenging or massively disruptive.

When the results came back my mum attended the school with them and said I wasn’t going back into this teachers classroom.

The reason I was relatively undamaged by it was that I knew my mum had my back.

Dont keep sending them in each day to be bullied.
Yes humiliating guestures behind his back to the other students is bullying from someone in power.

Keep notes on anything so you aren’t just fumbling in your memories when you approach the school.

I will definitely be having a phonecall and asking to speak to someone senior

something needs to change

I'd start by getting more facts. Talk to the teacher to find out whether your child is on their own and why. Some children are put on their own if their attention is poor and they are easily distracted.

Only work with facts, and do talk to the teacher.

He’s gone in today with minimal fuss

I plan to ring up at dinner time while I compose how to word my issue

I do think he should have had that decision explained to him

and I don’t think saying to a child “ you only want someone to do your work for you” Is a particularly mature or appropriate response from a teacher

I would write a email to senior management with your concerns. Once it's on paper they have to act. The things he's done are horrendous imo.

Well it's nothing to me to educate my child at home for a few months - I know the syllabus and I have time. But I wouldn't force an adult to be in a position of vulnerability around someone who made it clear they didn't like them and isolated them. So no way would I do it to my child

Is your son under the Senco at all? Have a chat with them about it and get their take.

My three have all finished primary and in that time, I had concerns twice that didn’t feel appropriate to raise with the teacher, so I raised them with SLT. One was minor, but was acknowledged to me as a known and ongoing issue. The other was more serious and I was asked to put it in writing, which I did.

From experience if you are unhappy with something about a teacher's interaction from a child than I would go to the head. It becomes awkward if the issue is not resolved and you then need to go to the head as you maybe in a position where the teacher has said there is not a problem and this is what they will tell the head. But just be aware that children can paraphrase what is said to them and put their interpretation on things - it might not be what the teacher was meaning. So best to sat your son indicated that X was said rather than state something as a fact when you weren't in the room to hear it.

The best piece of school related advice I got was always approach a teacher or senior member of staff as if you are asking for their advice. But to get their advice you have to tell them the 'story' - ie you tell them what you want them to know anyway. but if you have started off saying you are asking for their advice they immediately take on the role "I am being asked to help this person" so they look at things from your perspective before stepping back and looking at the wider picture.
ie "I would like to speak to the head please as I have a private matter I am not sure about in my son's class and I would like their advice please."

You have spoken to the teacher personally once already and despite receiving an apology you still feel his behaviour is unreasonable. I think the way forward is as pp have said-you need to bring it to the attention of the Head and it needs to be in writing. You need a paper trail. Itemised what has already happened that you spoke to the teacher about, and add your concerns that your son has been isolated for so long. Ask for reasons, request information on how you can help your son, so it doesn't seem accusatory but an email trying to resolve the situation and obviously improve your son's learning and school experience. I'd cc it to the class teacher and end with a request to meet the class teacher and Head together to suggest a way to move forward.

Thank you for the response I’ve had mixed opinions from parents

It's often like this, some of the most disgustingly behaved teachers are adored by some parents. Why? Because those parents' dc are treated very nicely by these unstable and manipulative teachers who pick on a handful of children, humiliating them and damaging their mental health. It's possible to be strict and manage your class without bing a sadist to the children you don't like.

I went through the school system in another country and have family all over. I have come to realise that the British aren't that nice to children, from dinner ladies to nasty heads, there is a huge lack of kindness. Of course there are some gems and brilliant teachers but overall the school system's attitude to children is about controlling children, it's authoritarian and very dated.

Actually we are known as quite an anti children culture

a lot about the education system quite dated

Just wondering - could your son have focusing difficulties? There is such a thing as inattentive ADHD. The child doesn't have the boisterous behaviour often displayed with ADHD, but just zones out repeatedly. There's a child I work with currently like that. He frequently seems to be in a world of his own and often doesn't react to instructions given to the whole class. Some teachers may see that as lazy, but its not necessarily. I once talked to this child about which aspects of the work he had found interesting and it was clear to see that his work was more complete and better quality for those topics where he showed interest. This is a feature of ADHD where children find it harder to focus on topics of little interest to them, than the average child. Might explain the teacher's attitude?

It’s possible I suppose, it’s a difficult situation as most teachers are really doing their best but some aren’t sadly and maybe aren’t the nicest of people in general, which is just life of course

but when their is a power imbalance it changes things

I have known some extremely cruel teachers. One bullied a girl constantly all year age 9, I believe it was racism. Another ridiculed a girl for her heritage. Another completely destroyed the spirit of a little girl I knew, she was a shell after a year in that class. Investigate.

@Chickenly What the actual fudge? I was a (female) primary school teacher for 15 years - men absolutely do NOT get "a horrifically hard time". In fact, they are so few and far between (but so needed - especially in Early Years!) that they are almost worshiped. And don't get me started on the male teacher to SLT to head teacher timeline! I'm incredibly intrigued about why you hold this opinion?