To have a bad feeling about this teacher

[Notbeinfunnehbut]

My DS in in Y4 and has a teacher who gives me a very bad feeling

I have older children so im
aware teachers vary in temperament, ability, patience etc and that most are doing their best .

But this one, … I had to report him for gesturing in an unprofessional way is children asked them
’Too many questions’

is notorious for ‘naming and shaming’ kids

someone told me a relative of theirs used to make themselves sick to avoid going to school as this teachers pupil

has made my DS sit on his own for months and when my DS enquired why he couldn’t have a partner , teacher said
“I bet you want one just to do all your work, “😡
ds has dyslexic traits and does ask for help
with spelling as he gets minimum support,
he’s been getting full marks in tests recently he was so proud of himself 😡😢

He’s been so upset by it all he’s said he wants to move classes , im just endlessly hearing about very imo childish and unprofessional outbursts

I know I need to ring up
And discuss calmly just need to collect my thoughts about what to say and who to talk to

It's ok for him to be sat alone realistically he will not be far away from anyone classrooms are overcrowded! It'll be to help him concentrate
This teacher seems to be normal ...I think you are being a bit precious

This is about the sixth thread with a 'bad feeling about a teacher' title I've seen in the last three months.

What was the 'rude jesture'? If this is in anyway true - its more than just a bad feeling. However as you do not elaborate what can we do in terms of advice.

I’ve noticed on MN certain threads without fail get some very strange replies

the kind of ;

Yeah that’s right op get him fired, chased out the school pelted by bean bags and he has to live in a shoe box with only a crisp packet for warmth, be happy then will ya?? Will ya ??

try finding supply , like what ?

No

I want my Son to thrive, and not dread going to school , that is it

I’m not asking too much

the helpful posts thankyou

x

gestured my ds head blowing up , face palming and him shooting himself in the head in exasperation

Have you spoken to the teacher or school management team?

You're right to be concerned but it won't make him a nice individual.

I would ask to speak to the head along with the head of pastoral care. Express your concerns in writing first, giving all the details and how excluded/distressed your child feels. Describe any signs of stress he's presenting with. Describe if other children are following the teacher's example. Explain why you find his responses unprofessional. Ask what the school can offer to provide him with a more supportive learning environment. Decide what you want for him (realistically) ahead of time and be very calm but firm.

Best case scenario the teacher realises he's under surveillance in relation to your child.

But honestly, reading your update, I'd be pulling him out. No child should have to go through that.

Straight to head, copy in governors.

Is he getting exasperated with your ds's behavior? This would be COMPLETELY separate to dyslexia. You will do your DS no favors if you constantly undermine teachers. The way you have presented it sounds bad but I'm reading between the lines and thinking your DS has some respect/ behavior issues. If these are not to do with SEN but generally to do with being a spoiled child who has no boundaries, then I think you can blame yourself.

If anything is related to his dyslexia then I would definitely speak to the Senco and get him/ her to deal directly with the teacher.

If he is getting top marks in tests, it sounds as though your DS is doing fine sitting on his own.

Separate out what you can ask about and start from the position that you need explanations - so email the office asking for your message to be passed to this teacher (it will also be read by the office this way!) stating that your son has said that he has sat on his own for all of last term and is still on his own now, if there is an odd number of students then you understand that someone will have to sit without a partner, but your son finds it upsetting and you would like to know if/when the seating plan will move round so he’s no longer alone. Also say that you are concerned that he may be dyslexic and has the teacher noticed anything of concern - can you have a meeting with the SENCO to discuss ways to support your son.

Nice and reasonable. Always start reasonable, but do raise issues.

its unlikely you’ll get this teacher fired or be able to move your ds to another class in the same school without a heck of a lot more than this, so working with him is the only option.

Surely if your son is getting full marks in his tests recently then whatever the teacher is doing is good?

Your bad feeling is intuition. Mike has never been wrong, though I’ve ignored it in the past to my peril. If it quacks like a duck, it is a duck!

OP you went get a balanced response from aibu. People will assume you're being hysterical. Perhaps you are, I can't tell, but you won't get a balanced idea here.

In the first instance make an appointment with the teacher to let him know your son isn't happy in class. Tell him you're concerned about xyz incidents and want clarification on exactly what was said/happened.

Try to work with the teacher to see if you can ake your son happier and feel more supported in school. A good teacher will be happy to do this.

If you're not satisfied this has worked after genuinely giving it your best shot and approaching with an open min consider what you want to do next. If you'd like a change of class for your son approach the school with that in mind. Explain that the teachers methods and demeanor don't suit your son and are impacting his ability to learn and suggest the class change. If this doesn't work then look up the complaints procedure and follow to the letter.

There are lots of pointless complaints from parents but there are also incompetent or plain nasty teachers same as in any other profession. Some just have a particular approach that doesn't suit all children. It can absolutely affect their mental health and learning so should be sorted when it happens.

I think that it’s a pretty good life lesson for a child to learn that, although they can’t expect everyone they meet to be pleasant, when it comes to a professional environment, they should expect professional behaviour and, if their behaviour is verging on bullying, then they can speak up and something will be done about it.

There’s a huge difference between a teacher being strict and unfriendly and a teacher making rude gestures to the pupils. Would this teacher make the same gestures to a parent? Or to the head? No, of course he wouldn’t. He’s doing it because it’s a child and he thinks he can get away with it. And what do the other children learn about bullying when they see an adult doing it to a child?

As a senior member of staff in a primary school, I would suggest you meet with the teacher, focusing on what has made your child unhappy, rather than criticising the teacher directly, and asking what the teacher can do to help him. He's more likely to engage positively if you don't get his back up.

See what response you get and if you are not happy with it, contact the head or another senior member of staff who you feel may be able to help (in my school, the head almost always delegates to the relevant phase leader) and explain the issues. It would only be reasonable to make an official complaint after you have tried both these avenues and were still unhappy.

A good school should listen and respond appropriately. I myself have often talked to staff about complaints that have been made - many are not really substantiated, but some have been and I support staff to understand the impact they might be having on a child. I tell the parent I will do this and tell them to come back to me if things don't improve. However, it's highly unlikely a teacher will end up being sacked and in our school we very rarely move children to different classes - one, because most classes are full so that would mean needing to swap a child out, and two, because we don't want parents to think their child will be moved simply because they have asked- we could end up with many other requests if we did this.

I have had parents get very angry at times, but I can tell you it is not an effective strategy. Being reasonable is much better.

This is all very good advice , thankyou genuinely,

the downside is if I am in fact dealing with someone who is unreasonable ? Though isn’t it ,

like I said I’ve had the sheepish apology phonecall from the teacher before, and I’m a bit sad I am now having to complain again

it’s worth remembering I’m a multiple parent with older children I have never found myself in this situation before

I think you’re right to contact the school if your kid isn’t happy. But you need to stick to concrete reasons, like him sitting alone.

When my son was in class 4 he had a teacher who I believe seriously damaged his self esteem. She made him very conscious of his size (-he is well built and tall) and he became introverted. He also became vegetarian and though that is no bad thing (please don't assume I think it is) but it was part of an anxiety about food that she encouraged. I was unaware that she was being unkind to him, singling him out for ridicule, until an incident occurred when she made him cry and attempt to leave the room. Other parents told me quite a different version from hers and during those conversations I heard that she was habitually unkind to boys and had caused a boy in a previous year to suffer MH problems (according to his mother). I reported her behaviour to the head teacher who said I was confirming something she already knew about. However, this teacher remained in post until the Summer term meaning my son spent a school year under her influence and I believe that to have caused problems that took a long time to overcome.
If you seriously believe this teacher's behaviour to be damaging to your son please do not hesitate to report your concerns. Not all teachers are benign or competent.

When my son was in class 4 he had a teacher who I believe seriously damaged his self esteem. She made him very conscious of his size (-he is well built and tall) and he became introverted. He also became vegetarian and though that is no bad thing (please don't assume I think it is) but it was part of an anxiety about food that she encouraged. I was unaware that she was being unkind to him, singling him out for ridicule, until an incident occurred when she made him cry and attempt to leave the room. Other parents told me quite a different version from hers and during those conversations I heard that she was habitually unkind to boys and had caused a boy in a previous year to suffer MH problems (according to his mother). I reported this to the head teacher who said I was conf8rming something she already knew about. However this teacher remained in post until the Summer term meaning my son spent a school year under her influence and I believe that to have problems that took a long time to overcome.
If you seriously believe this teacher's behaviour to be damaging to you5 son please do nohesitate to report your concerns. Not all teachers are benign or competent.

Sorry posted twice!

This is so crushing to read hope he’s in a better situation now!

My son had a difficult couple of terms with a teacher at 9 years old, he was visibly distressed most days coming out of school, I asked him about it, and got some concerning answers, not just about himself but also a girl in his class who had had even worse treatment. When we had a regular termly meeting, I was even more concerned, the teacher was grey faced, sweating and shaky. His father and I spoke to the head, who reluctantly agreed to my son moving class, but said the next step was for our son to see a psychologist if he didn't improve, as the teacher had reported terrible behaviour from him.
His new teacher stopped me in the local Tesco, a few months later, and told me she had been so worried about him joining her class, but in fact he was a pleasure to teach, and showed a strong sense of justice and concern for his classmates.
The previous teacher went on sick leave soon after, and left.

It did affect my sons mental heath.