Regarding 'Wills' and who gets what or not as the case may be?

[Abigail69]

Am I one of the few on the net that feels that the Will owner has the right to give or not give etc whatever he or she wants to whomever or not?

The number of stories and threads I've read, and heard with sibling/family fall out as one or more feel they've been left out or cared the most and left out/etc/etc.

Worse still is a couple of cases in the recent year or so where a high court judge overturned a Will

As long as the owner of the will is of sound mind and has the capacity to decide, why do people that get nothing, less etc complain etc, etc?

In my culture, more often than not the son/s get everything this dates back from their motherland as it was often land that was passed on and almost everyone was married o it worked out fairly. However, many older people still practice this kind of thing as my parents did but it did not bother me as we are on our own two feet and never wanted anything from anyone. Sorry, I digress.

Back on topic. AIBU in believing that the person that owns the assets has the ultimate say and this may upset some/all but it is their money.

We've already substantially helped all of our children to reduce their mortgages and the reason we did this is that they never asked and if they had the answer would have been no. No, because they work and should learn to live within their means.

Am I in a miniorty? I don't really care what someone says EG "I looked after..." "they have a lot more money than us.." etc etc - its the Will owner's money etc their choice, would you agree with me implicitly?

Sorry op but you seem to come from a culture when men get everything, women nothing and that’s ok

we like to think we live in a fairer society when families share regardless of sex

You don’t sound very nice, you helped your kids because they didn’t t ask, but wouldn’t if they had! That doesn’t make sense to me.

what you you do if they got made redundant, didn’t have money to live on and asked for help! Say no you are on your own, go starve

different cultures see inheritance in different ways, I like to think the great majority will treat everyone fairly, but not everyone does, and that leads to resentment and the implication they are not good enough

i am sorry you can’t see that

Morning
Lets be clear. Dad wanted to talk/show me his will and I was not interested so one day he told me he'd be leaving us a lot of money. I said thanks but no thanks but please put your new family, young family first as we are doig ok.

Dad was a clever man, he was not stupid, he could decide for himself, it is not against the law to refuse and give advice especially to a parent. The parent then makes a more informed decison.

What the heck is wrong in that. Yes I have a "right" to talk/tell my, yes my dad how I feel the rest is up to him

I'd say to all here, work hard, save well, expect nothing and if you get something, consider yourself lucky. If your sibling/s get more than you and you get left out or less, be happy for them.

Please stop.
you failed to mention my parents arrived in the uk early 60's, i was two we are all westernised. You are trying to cofuse a simple stance that the Will owners money/etc is their choice who they give it to.

What would you say to a family we know from my motherland that have 2 kids/adults one a boy and the other a girl. The boy is a troublemaker, sells drugs, gangs etc and disprects his parents and family for years but stays in touch. The parents have written him out of their will.

I find those that talk about Wills that are not their own when the person is alive a bit crass. If the Will owner wants to talk about it fine but not others as I see it as greed and that is how I feel

I'd say to all here, work hard, save well, expect nothing and if you get something, consider yourself lucky. If your sibling/s get more than you and you get left out or less, be happy for them.

I can understand people being upset especially if they are living hand-to-mouth but parents are always (99.9999% of the time) making a sensible decision and may have decided not to fund the hand to mouth lifestyle of some.

You also fail to recognise what I/we have done and already gifted large amounts to our boys and girls.

It's the Will writters money, their choice and anyone else talking about it before they pass on is not right IMO

My own dear papa paid not one penny towards my upkeep and maintenance once I was a teenager. As he was living in a different country, my mother could not chase for maintenance. So years of living in rather straitened circumstances as a child which could have been at least mitigated had he decided to help provide for the kid that he had, at one point, wanted to have.

Now he is apparently leaving his worldly goods and chattels (ie, money) to me. Good-o. Should he suddenly decide to be a complete shite and leave it all to Battersea Dog's Home instead, I'm happy there is resource for me to challenge this. I look forward (at some point) to spending the money that should have helped raise me as a kid.

Please stop.
you failed to mention my parents arrived in the uk early 60's, i was two we are all westernised. You are trying to cofuse a simple stance that the Will owners money/etc is their choice who they give it to.

You brought up the topic of your culture in your first post @Abigail69 You made a post with a strong opinion, in which you offer no compromise. You can't expect people not to disagree with you, and you can't tell people to stop.

What works for you works for you, but that doesn't mean others have to adopt your views. You don't sound a particularly tolerant person - to be "westernised" usually means that people have understood the British concept of personal liberty and the principle of "lie and let live."

Maybe you're not so westernised as you think ...

"Maybe you're not so westernised as you think ..."

The threads on MN's froums re Wills and fallouts etc, are they from another planet?

Are you seriously implying that every country have the same rules?

Re Wills, it is crass to discusss when discussed by others when the Will owner is still alive unless the Will owner wants to discusss

Why should someone leave money etc to someone that they have no respsct for.

”Will owner” isn’t actually correct terminology.
My point is you can’t own a will. You’ll be dead, beyond earthly concerns, but a will which is unfair to your children may well cause unnecessary divisions and hurt amongst them. It seems bitter and controlling. Is that how you want to be remembered?

Why should someone leave money etc to someone that they have no respsct for.

I've just indicated a situation above where someone should leave money for a person "they have no respect for".

Unless there’s been estrangement, or one dc has behaved very badly, and/or e.g. not bothered to make contact for years, IMO dcs should be treated equally.

As for widowers who marry again, and then (unless there’s been a very valid reason) leave everything to the 2nd wife, and nothing to their own dcs, then IMO ‘It’s entirely up to them who they leave it to’ surely should not apply.

I know of a case where a man with fairly early but still undiagnosed dementia, was soon utterly controlled by his live-in carer , who soon distanced him from his formerly very close family, took him abroad where she persuaded him to marry her and to change his will, to leave everything to her - and it was a substantial estate.

The family contested it but she was extremely plausible, and won.
The man did not survive very long after the marriage and the family firmly believed that the woman (an ex nurse) had contrived a means of getting rid of him without it looking suspicious.

A very good reason, IMO, to get a diagnosis of dementia asap in the case of any vulnerable widower.

It is and you are wrong.

What would you prefer to call it, 'Will discussed at length by those who need to be included when the Will owner is still alive'?

Its not "bitter/controlling." Think about it. I'm not sure if you have money, properties/land etc etc but think about it. Someone that has cheated you, mistreated/distected you for years, would you want to leave that family member anyhting? If you answer is yes, then bye

@Abigail69

Testator.

I don’t know what you mean by disected.

If a member of your family has mistreated you then surely better to tackle that before you die. If you can’t and they have hurt you deeply then disinherit them if you think that solves the problem. You could put their share in trust for any children they might have.

@Abigail69, you say “why should someone leave money to someone they have no respect for”. That’s precisely why people are upset if they’re left out of a will - they feel their parent had no respect for them. If that’s something they didn’t realise or couldn’t face when parent was alive then having it publicly confirmed when person has died is hurtful.

Imagine it’s not money - Sibling A is left all the sentimental meaningful stuff that has very little value... but whilst both siblings would like to have had something of sentimental value, Sibling A gets it all and B gets none of it. There’s £20k cash which is split equally. Would that not be hurtful to Sibling B? They’re not upset because they were expecting a financial handout, they’re not relying on their parents money.

In most cases a will is written carefully and it is carried out as per the will.

However there are cases where a spouse can totally sidestep their husband/wife and leave everything to their children, meaning their spouse will literally have to pack up their belongings and become homeless?

This is the scenario a family member found himself in. He challenged the will and now has a trust set up to house him for life and only on his death will the DC be fully able to claim their inheritance. They will have some immediately but half is held in trust. This Inheritance act was set up in part, because it is the custom in some Asian families for the wife to have nothing and the wealth to go entirely to the oldest son, and because of cases like my family member.

So you are totally unreasonable to say the owner of property should be able to will it however they like.

Perfect system.

Another thread on AIBU where the OP has absolutely no interest in hearing the answer, YES.

Abigail, you do you. But understand that many of us think your argument is flawed and will do things differently.

It's up to the person writing the will surely. No one is entitled to an inheritance. If someone wanted to leave a sentimental item to me after death that would be lovely. However I would prefer my parents enjoyed the money they've earned than leave it to me.

Exactly what our kids say to us as we did to our parents.
Writing a Will carefully is important
From the help via a poster on this thread, if you really dont want anything to go to someone, then write in your Will that person X is not to get a penny/etc.
(this could be one of your adult children/etc that may feel entitled and or grandkids/siblings etc that felt they helped you etc, etc)

What a tone deaf reply to that post @Abigail69. You seriously think it is acceptable for parents to have favourite 'golden child' children? You support that toxic, dysfunctional family dynamic? We are not talking here about the bizarre situation you describe of a child disrespecting, biting, hitting, spitting or whatever it was you came up with to justify your stance on unfairness just plain old favouritism and poor treatment of one child for no discernible reason.

However there are cases where a spouse can totally sidestep their husband/wife and leave everything to their children, meaning their spouse will literally have to pack up their belongings and become homeless?

A point the OP totally dismisses because it is clearly outside of their intellect, OP is unaware of situations that happen in the real world outside their bubble.

No knowledge of cases that arise due to divorce, widowhood which lead to new partners and possibly children whereby the children from the previous marriage or relationship are left out and the OP thinks those children should just be happy and congratulate the other children? Unbelievable someone could have so little cognitive ability to see outside their own precious bubble.

Assuming mental capacity is sound and there are no issues of duress, testators can leave their assets to whomever they wish, but "disinheriting" people can be subject to challenge under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975. Broadly speaking, this means that if you have an adult child whom you are supporting financially in your lifetime and they therefore have the reasonable expectation that they will be provided for in your will, they may be able to challenge the will if you leave them nothing and the reasons are not clear.

Any competent solicitor/will-writer will explain this to clients when taking instructions for the will.

I agree with you wholeheartedly. I want nothing from my parents, we have our own home, jobs and are getting on fine. I would rather they went on holidays in their old age and enjoy their retirement. I won't be supporting them financially and they won't need me to. My mum has given me some jewellery of hers as an heirloom as she wants to see me wearing it and has done the same for my sisters. If they do give me anything it will be gratefully received but it really isn't necessary.

I expect my kids to make their own way in the world.I will encourage them to get an education and support them as much as possible during their early years but they can save for their own deposits.

It is and you are wrong.

@Abigail69 people can and may disagree with you, and not be wrong. There are different opinions on this matter. But I doubt you're able to understand that not everyone thinks the same as you.

I'm sure if OP'S DH has an affair and leaves for OW it won't be "his money, his choice" - even if he was the higher earner. It'll be, "oh but I looked after the house while you worked, but I spent more time raising our children, but I helped him with XYZ, but I contributed to the bills" .

Not every "expectant child" is a successful - stand on own two feet type who doesn't need it. A family is a family. OP comes across as very smug - which she wouldn't if she was struggling financially but had sacrificed much for her wider family in the spirit of "we're all in this together".

A little sensitivity towards those who have been very badly treated by family members or who have seen elderly parents manipulated wouldn't go amiss.

I agree with all of this and still disagree with the OP. Because she thinks it's OK for women to be disinherited in favour of men. I don't want anything but I don't want my brother to get something I don't just because he's a man.