Regarding 'Wills' and who gets what or not as the case may be?

[Abigail69]

Am I one of the few on the net that feels that the Will owner has the right to give or not give etc whatever he or she wants to whomever or not?

The number of stories and threads I've read, and heard with sibling/family fall out as one or more feel they've been left out or cared the most and left out/etc/etc.

Worse still is a couple of cases in the recent year or so where a high court judge overturned a Will

As long as the owner of the will is of sound mind and has the capacity to decide, why do people that get nothing, less etc complain etc, etc?

In my culture, more often than not the son/s get everything this dates back from their motherland as it was often land that was passed on and almost everyone was married o it worked out fairly. However, many older people still practice this kind of thing as my parents did but it did not bother me as we are on our own two feet and never wanted anything from anyone. Sorry, I digress.

Back on topic. AIBU in believing that the person that owns the assets has the ultimate say and this may upset some/all but it is their money.

We've already substantially helped all of our children to reduce their mortgages and the reason we did this is that they never asked and if they had the answer would have been no. No, because they work and should learn to live within their means.

Am I in a miniorty? I don't really care what someone says EG "I looked after..." "they have a lot more money than us.." etc etc - its the Will owner's money etc their choice, would you agree with me implicitly?

I agree that people shouldn’t expect things. A will is only valid when someone dies and I’ve heard plenty of conversations about wills when someone is still alive; at that point it’s just someone’s money/possessions NOT someone’s inheritance. I think it’s crazy that some adult children can treat their parents like shit for years on end and then be upset that they didn’t inherit much. I don’t give a shit about inheritances, I care about people.

I categorically disagree with your ill-informed comments. The people you refer to are ADULTS and if they are changing their Wills like that, then good luck to the people that decided to live with them for all that time as they should have been aware of what's what.

I am glad I live in England and not Scotland as the rules there, no way would I or millions accept them in England as its my money, my choice.

Lovely post, many thanks for sharing.

Dad wanted to discuss his Will with me, I refused and said that everything should go to his new wife and children as we were on our feet etc and thanked him for considering me/us but no thanks as I'd already been rewarded by having him as a great dad and mum. I said if other sibling are interested their choice but not for me.

AIBU in believing that the person that owns the assets has the ultimate say and this may upset some/all but it is their money.

Well there you are OP, you have answered most of what you see. Of course it is up to people how they leave their money, but it is likely to cause upset when people (in this culture, where men and women, sins and daughters) expect to be treated equally. Favouritism never feels good to the non favoured.

So what are you going to do about it ie the women that are left out even though the law has changed in India? What will you say to the ladies that declare they do not want the parents' money/land etc?

I'd support women's education and empowerment. Because when women have increased wealth and power, children do better and the GDP of the country follows.

What do you say to the girls in India who are child brides often in that situation because of inequality and a lack of financial wherewithal? I suspect that putting money in the hands of mothers would result in fewer child brides. As it does when women and girls are educated.

You seem very happy with massive sex inequality.

My parents have both passed away, one just recently and we're now administering that Will. My siblings and I (a mix of male and female) all inherit equally, if we hadn't we would have made it equal. We all loved that parent equally, and although some of us provided more daily care in recent times, that was because we had the ability to do so. My parents always said that we work as a team in our family, and that's how they approached their Wills and we now approach the administering of estates. One of us is executor, but we've all pitched in and helped. Anyone who says they would be ok with being left out of a parent's Will, or receiving significantly less than siblings is just not being truthful to themselves, and is most likely perpetuating gendered ideas around family money and assets.

Divvying it up to the grandchildren rather than the kids is a bit crap for the kids. Uneven usually to different bits of the family.
A friend got 1/5 and his sister got 4/5 as her kids got a share of money which she's 'managing' for them. They'll have to wait until she's dead to prey back control because of how it's been done.

where did I say that???

You're misinformed.

The Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975 makes it possible for to challenge Wills in England and Wales.
In Scottish law, spouses, civil partners and children all have rights to inherit.

'It winds me up no end when I hear about a Will being overturned or people upset as they were not left the same amount as x/y and z.'

Because in your lives experience you were ok with it, so everyone else should be? You're completely ignoring all the posters who have explained to you that human decisions and relationships are incredibly complex, and therefore none of the examples you've alluded to can be compared with your situation due to those complexities. But you continue to show no sympathy for anyone else because you're ok. With respect, that's not ok.

Inherited wealth underpins the deep social inequality in this country. If you ask me, a standard way of dealing with estates with a much higher rate of IHT on large estates would stop the ‘manipulation from beyond the grave’ that many people seem to think is their right and promote the work ethic that so many of the same people value so highly.

Whatever you think about the money being ‘yours’, is irrelevant once you die. The dead own precisely nothing. Better not to have the stress of thinking that you can control it when you’re gone.

I'm glad I started this thread and really pleased to see like-minded people post here that support the clear fact it is their money their choice. Accept it.

From a distance, no one knows what happens in a family where they are often very private which is a good thing. Parents are not stupid, they have worked hard, saved hard and should be given the decency via support re their decisions in their Will.

When I see people fighting over being cross they were left less etc or nothing, I often think, how sad that is and I wish I could met their parents as they must have been pretty decent people.

Why should someone leave money to someone that dislikes them.

People are entitled to leave their money to whoever they want. Just as they’re entitled to favour one child over another or treat their children unequally.

However, their children are equally entitled to react accordingly and are entitled to their feelings.

if a parent expects one child to run around after they doing all their care and has a sense of entitlement on their child’s time and energy, but then chooses to favour their other children then it’s shit behaviour and their child has the right to be hurt and upset, and if they wish end their help.
if you show someone they are unimportant to you, or other people mean more to you, then folks shouldn’t be surprised if they step back and treat you as less important to them.

Your last paragraph re "controlling" LOL, but thankfully the DO

And thanks to a poster on this thread, if anyone wants to ensure they don't want their money going to x/y/z, then write it in your Will that x/y/z are not getting anything

I'd say to all here, work hard, save well, expect nothing and if you get something, consider yourself lucky. If your sibling/s get more than you and you get left out or less, be happy for them.

Nope. The people that inherit from you could stick it all on a horse, or bury it in a hole in the back garden or donate it to a political party you hate or give it to the person you thought you disinherited. No control.

Abigail69

Parents are not stupid

What, never? Does being a parent automatically confer wisdom?

I’m lucky to have great parents but it’s not true of everyone, even a cursory read of this thread is evidence of that.

Sadly some parents treat their children very badly.

Parents are not stupid, they have worked hard, saved hard and should be given the decency via support re their decisions in their Will.

Huh? How on earth can you say that about every parent? I know many stupid parents. Ones who've been lucky, ones whose houses have multiplied in value, ones who inherited themselves.

Fortunately my parents aren't sexist meanies and will absolutely be equal with anything they have left even though I was stupid enough to be born a girl. I don't care if they spend it all on themselves or leave it to a cats' home. I would think very poorly of them if they left it all to my brother based on him having been born a boy. Very poorly.

It’s highly amusing you think your stance should be everyone’s.

Well I categorically disagree with your ill informed comments!

Just because someone is an adult doesn’t mean they haven’t been placed in a vulnerable financial position by supporting their spouse to build up funds whilst they do all free childcare etc. the courts are there to protect those people

I think once you have gone, unless you leave letters explaining your rationale and decisions then there can be a sense of bewilderment for those left behind which can last a lifetime. It can be quite damaging. You are no longer there, no one knows the answer and no one can now ask you “why”.

As one example - In the case of my husband, whose two close siblings were left money by their grandfather who lived with them, my husband was totally excluded. No reason was given, he was a young child and spent his whole life wondering - but there was never an answer.

So I think it’s the repercussions left after we have gone…

@Abigail69
why did you think it appropriate or that you had the right to tell your dad who to leave his inheritance to? Are you not just contradicting everything you said from the start by thinking it’s your place to tell him not to leave things to you??

'I'd say to all here, work hard, save well, expect nothing and if you get something, consider yourself lucky. If your sibling/s get more than you and you get left out or less, be happy for them.'

And here's privilege speaking again.
Plenty of people work hard, save well and expect nothing, and still get hit by the shit stick, which life wields indiscriminately. It's not unreasonable to have an expectation that your parents will leave you some form of financial support if they die leaving assets behind, and it's very reasonable to be upset if they do not. Just because you were happy with the way your parents treated you in their death does not therefore mean that everyone else should follow suit.

Why be happy for them?

How is life under that bridge op.