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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hurt by this?

88 replies

Lis1992 · 01/01/2023 23:17

So my sister and her partner are staying. I had said to my parents that I’d pay for a takeaway for all tonight as they cooked last night. Then people changed the type of food they wanted but both takeaways are nearby. So parents said they’d get the pizza that two of us wanted and the chips that others wanted (next door) my mom said to me ‘so you just pay for yours and then it’s cheaper’ . In the end parents just paid for all but I was so hurt and insulted by this comment. I’d never say that. The second thing is, I was in the shower. We had all planned to watch a movie. I feel so left out but maybe I’m being too sensitive? I heard them all choosing a movie downstairs and joking around (or serious I don’t know!) saying they should wait for me. Saying ‘oh just tell her you guys had it on the tv and we started watching it’ and stuff. In the end I just said ah watch it without me I’ve seen it. But I’m upstairs upset now and don’t know if I’m being too sensitive. AIBU to be hurt?

OP posts:
Whynobreadpudding · 01/01/2023 23:53

Are you premenstrual? Why would that be upsetting? You need a thicker skin.

BigHeadBertha · 01/01/2023 23:56

I suspect there's more going on here, whether the OP is overly tired from the stress of the holidays or the parents typically favoring the sister or etc.

For ex., two people can say or do exactly the same to me with me taking it two completely different ways, depending on their treatment of me or attitude towards me in general.

JessesMum777888 · 01/01/2023 23:57

I mean this in the nicest possible way.
get a grip.

Theydoyaknow · 02/01/2023 00:01

Redic

KateBalesCardi · 02/01/2023 00:02

In the nicest way possible yes I do think you've been a bit over sensitive OP, although your family were also a bit insensitive over the film, so maybe a bit of a six of one half dozen of the other situation? Thing is you have a choice now, you can either take it to heart and let it upset you and have a crappy night feeling shit and isolated, or you can brush it off, stick a smile on and go and salvage what's left of your night. So what if you've seen the film before? Go and be with your family, you'll only be hurting yourself if you don't Flowers

talkingmorenonsense · 02/01/2023 00:04

Get over yourself and forget it. Life is too short.

HeddaGarbled · 02/01/2023 00:09

The take-away: your mum didn’t want you to pay because she’s lovely and loves you and wants you to keep your money for yourself. I understand that you wanted to treat them, and sometimes it feels like you have to fight them to see you as an independent adult and let you treat them. She’s not trying to isolate you, she’s trying to mother you.

The movie: they were fed up of waiting for you, and, trying not to hurt your feelings, made up an excuse for starting without you. They were not trying to isolate you, they didn’t want to wait for you.

You are being over-sensitive, but they’re being a little under-sensitive. That’s families, I’m afraid.

My advice is, if it’s important to you, be assertive. For example, with the take-away: “I really want to treat you all. You cooked last night and I want to pay tonight. Let me treat you.”

Sulking upstairs just makes you look like a moody adolescent. If you want them to start treating you like an equal adult, you need to behave like one.

OnTheRoadAgain1 · 02/01/2023 00:49

MajesticWhine · 01/01/2023 23:45

I think I get it. You felt left out because your parents said they would pay for everyone's food except yours. They possibly didn't want you to feel you'd got to pay for all but also didn't want to insult you by turning down your offer. I understand why you feel excluded but it was probably said with good intentions.
Re the film, again probably the intentions were to not offend you.
Try not to overthink it, families can be hard work. (It's time for everyone to go home and get back to workWink)

Agree.

xprincessxjanetx · 02/01/2023 01:10

Both things are a non issue and i'm afraid you've been extremely over sensitive. I wouldn't have thought anything of either comment.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 02/01/2023 01:13

Lis1992 · 01/01/2023 23:26

@Gazelda if you read above it’s not that. It’s that it was said’ so you just pay for yours’ which feels quite isolating. Not the money but the principle. Offer to pay all or nothing.

This is bonkers. Do you know what ‘isolating’ means? It isn’t this.

Shoemadlady · 02/01/2023 01:44

Don't sweat the small stuff.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 02/01/2023 01:54

Why would you expect your whole family to wait for you to emerge from the shower, before watching something on telly?

Andvthe complain about your parents buying you a takeaway?

Are you Kim Kardashian?

Harliegh · 02/01/2023 01:58

Have you been on the ale?

CowsInFields · 02/01/2023 02:02

I think people have misunderstood why op is upset regarding takeaway. It wasn't because her mother paid for everyone's food, it was because her mother paid for everyone's food except op's- therefore leaving op feeling a bit isolated. Understandable really, but I wouldn't give it a second thought.

PinkyFlamingo · 02/01/2023 02:07

Why did you go for a shower if the plan was choosing a film.

Butchyrestingface · 02/01/2023 02:26

Were you the one complaining yesterday about your parents calling you 'lazy', @Lis1992 ?

DrMarciaFieldstone · 02/01/2023 02:38

Butchyrestingface · 02/01/2023 02:26

Were you the one complaining yesterday about your parents calling you 'lazy', @Lis1992 ?

Yes I thought this too.

Daily drama if it is.

custardbear · 02/01/2023 02:45

I think the take away payment was nice of your parents. The film thing, they were probably all waiting and you weren't there, so they made a choice without you, not a problem. Maybe they made that white lie up because you're a bit difficult (making an assumption from your reasonings on this thread)

Stompythedinosaur · 02/01/2023 03:12

I think you had a mental picture of how the evening would go and are upset things didn't end up that way, but it was probably a bit unrealistic.

The meaning you are putting on paying for the takeaway is probably not shared by your dps, and I guess they didn't fancy the same type of takeaway you did. I wonder if you were imagining them being grateful and appreciative but they found it easier to just get what they wanted and pay themselves?

I wouldn't expect the family to sit doing nothing waiting for one family member to be ready. You could have watched whatever they had picked with them rather than sulking.

There is a space between people not caring about you, and not wanting every activity to be focused around you.

CraneBoysMysteries · 02/01/2023 03:36

OP I have just skimmed your other threads

I genuinely mean this with kindness but I think you need to consider something to help with your anxiety and tendency to overthink things.

What you describe in this and other threads doesn't warrant the level of upset and consternation that you're giving it.

What I gather is that being at home, living with your parents while you save up is causing some conflict but you also seem to have reverted to adolescent child behaviour. Try and step back and think about why these small things are bothering you so much.

And please please do not consider sperm donation until you are on your own feet and have worked through some of these issues. If you worry now about your dog going near vomit, you will be woefully under prepared for the level of sick that comes with a baby!

Judgyjudgy · 02/01/2023 04:21

Lis1992 · 01/01/2023 23:18

Sorry- with the food comment she meant cheaper for me to buy my own as I wanted a different food type- and not have to pay for everyone else’s too!

The starting the movie is a bit thoughtless, but I don't understand the food thing as they were actually doing you a favour. Did you want them to pay for yours too is that the issue? I'm confused. You seem very sensitive and a bit of an over thinker, I would work on that for your own sake

wyntersuhn · 02/01/2023 07:27

You're feeling 'isolated' because your mum suggested that you pay for your food and they would pay for the rest (from a different restaurant)? I think you're being super sensitive to a situation that doesn't actually exist.

ClaireVictorias · 02/01/2023 07:30

You’re over reacting. Your mum was being kind not making you pay for everyone. The movie thing isn’t a big deal either unless you’re often left out?

abmac95 · 02/01/2023 07:32

TheNewSchmoo · 01/01/2023 23:20

You are hurt that your parents offered to pay for some of the takeaway so it wouldn't cost you so much?
The selfish bastards.....

I think OP is hurt that her parents paid for all of the takeaways except hers

Youarethesun · 02/01/2023 07:34

CowsInFields · 02/01/2023 02:02

I think people have misunderstood why op is upset regarding takeaway. It wasn't because her mother paid for everyone's food, it was because her mother paid for everyone's food except op's- therefore leaving op feeling a bit isolated. Understandable really, but I wouldn't give it a second thought.

But op said that they ended up paying for everyone’s anyway

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