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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hurt by this?

88 replies

Lis1992 · 01/01/2023 23:17

So my sister and her partner are staying. I had said to my parents that I’d pay for a takeaway for all tonight as they cooked last night. Then people changed the type of food they wanted but both takeaways are nearby. So parents said they’d get the pizza that two of us wanted and the chips that others wanted (next door) my mom said to me ‘so you just pay for yours and then it’s cheaper’ . In the end parents just paid for all but I was so hurt and insulted by this comment. I’d never say that. The second thing is, I was in the shower. We had all planned to watch a movie. I feel so left out but maybe I’m being too sensitive? I heard them all choosing a movie downstairs and joking around (or serious I don’t know!) saying they should wait for me. Saying ‘oh just tell her you guys had it on the tv and we started watching it’ and stuff. In the end I just said ah watch it without me I’ve seen it. But I’m upstairs upset now and don’t know if I’m being too sensitive. AIBU to be hurt?

OP posts:
Nightynightnight · 01/01/2023 23:33

So your parents offered to pay for everyone's food except yours? If that's the case then yes I'd probably be a bit 😒. If they are generally decent people and you ordinarily have a good relationship with them then I would question why they felt the need to lie about the film?

DreamingOfAGreenChristmas · 01/01/2023 23:34

When you could hear them talking about the film, why didn’t you yell “I can HEAR you! Wait for me and don’t choose The Human Centipede!!”

You seem to take things very personally.

HundredMilesAnHour · 01/01/2023 23:35

I'm speechless. You must be hurt 24/7 OP if these are things that hurt you?! Unless you're age 5, you need to grow up a bit and stop seeing hurt where there isn't any.

dooneyousmugelf · 01/01/2023 23:37

Struggling with this one, sorry OP. Maybe you're hyper stressed or something

NameChagaiiiin · 01/01/2023 23:38

Kids have been on the sherry again.

OP. I say this very sincerely.

Say thank you to your parents for getting the food. And go and watch the bloody movie ya miserable sod. 😊

Unicorn717 · 01/01/2023 23:38

I'm confused. Your parents brought you food and you're hiding upstairs crying about it?

catfunk · 01/01/2023 23:39

YABU

VioletPickles · 01/01/2023 23:40

A bit over sensitive op, feels like you are looking for things to be offended by. And it’s quite annoying when everyone else is ready to do something and one member of the party suddenly need a shower etc etc. chill out a bit, in the nicest possible way

Whydothat · 01/01/2023 23:42

We usually split who pays if we are buying from more than one takeaway. Just feels like its easier although it probably isn't actually.
The film is annoying but has they already screamed at you to hurry up? It's a bit of an odd time to take a shower if you had plans to watch a film to be honest. Most people go to the loo, organise snacks, read a book so they are ready when everyone else is.

redtulip12 · 01/01/2023 23:43

I'm reading this is that op paid for hers and her parents paid for the rest in which case I can see why she is a bit upset.

poefaced · 01/01/2023 23:43

Could it be that your offer to pay was half-hearted and your parents saw through you?

Why didn’t you just take charge and write down what people wanted and get it?

poefaced · 01/01/2023 23:44

redtulip12 · 01/01/2023 23:43

I'm reading this is that op paid for hers and her parents paid for the rest in which case I can see why she is a bit upset.

No, she says her parents ended up paying for everyone.

IveHadEnoughNowFfs · 01/01/2023 23:44

redtulip12 · 01/01/2023 23:43

I'm reading this is that op paid for hers and her parents paid for the rest in which case I can see why she is a bit upset.

take out was her idea and op should have insisted she paid for all of it anyway, wasn’t her parents idea but they ended up paying anyway

maddy68 · 01/01/2023 23:44

Dear god. They were being nice about the food and just checked odinh a film while you were in the shower. Did you expect everyone to have to wait for you ?

MajesticWhine · 01/01/2023 23:45

I think I get it. You felt left out because your parents said they would pay for everyone's food except yours. They possibly didn't want you to feel you'd got to pay for all but also didn't want to insult you by turning down your offer. I understand why you feel excluded but it was probably said with good intentions.
Re the film, again probably the intentions were to not offend you.
Try not to overthink it, families can be hard work. (It's time for everyone to go home and get back to workWink)

HolyStoned · 01/01/2023 23:45

In the nicest possible way, being around you must be absolutely exhausting.

poefaced · 01/01/2023 23:45

Hoe old are you, OP? Do you pay your parents rent?

LittleBrenda · 01/01/2023 23:45

redtulip12 · 01/01/2023 23:43

I'm reading this is that op paid for hers and her parents paid for the rest in which case I can see why she is a bit upset.

To me it sounds like her parents may have to walk on eggshells.

honeylulu · 01/01/2023 23:45

OP, I'm wondering if you're explaining it a bit irrationally as you're upset.

So is it ... you offered to order everyone food from x takeaway and they agreed. But then they agreed between themselves (without consulting you) to get their food from y takeaway and told you to just order separately for yourself. If so that seems quite unpleasant and isolating. You offered to do something nice and they threw it back in your face.

Then you all agreed to choose a film together but while you were upstairs they chose without you and you overheard a discussion about how they would agree a story to explain leaving you out?

Because if it's like that (my mum and sister are like this when they get together) then I can see why you're upset.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 01/01/2023 23:48

Are you 12? Because you come across as very childish.

grumpycow1 · 01/01/2023 23:49

I don’t get why you went to shower if people were round and a movie was on the cards… maybe they were confused too hence the joke?!

Greyarea12 · 01/01/2023 23:49

I think the reason you are upset by this is because your looking at it wrongly. Your seeing it as, they have paid for everyone bar you and your not as important as the rest. However, what has actually happened, is that they have decided to save you money and said, just you pay for yours, we will get the rest. This wasn't about leaving you out, it was about saving you money. You need to try and see it that way.

In regards to the movie, you have been to sensitive to this and I think they maybe just got fed up waiting but as it's your family you should feel comfortable enough to of said, I can hear yous, I will be x amount of minutes.

Redredrobingoesbobobbobin · 01/01/2023 23:49

I wonder if they said to pay for yours so as not to upset you after you’d offered to pay for everyone else? I’m not sure about the film really, tricky one.

it’s definitely time for everyone to go home from holidays though, me included. Family are great, especially when we leave…..

SugarplumFairyyy · 01/01/2023 23:49

Lis1992 · 01/01/2023 23:24

@MeJane I mean I’d never say ‘ you just pay for yours’ I’d either say I’ll pay for everyone’s or
none at all.
nothinf to do with the actual money- just made me feel a bit isolated.

Maybe because you offered to pay the whole meal, she was trying to allow you to contribute by paying for your meal. If its your parents can you communicate your upset about this? A lot of problems are ones lost in translation and I think it's all very well us advising you but we can't tell you what their intentions were when saying this to you.

SnowlayRoundabout · 01/01/2023 23:50

Why were you having a shower in the middle of the evening? It's a bit unreasonable to expect everyone to sit around twiddling their thumbs till you finish.