Always asking others for present "ideas"

[EndlessRain1]

I kind of get it for children - especially ones you don't make an effort to see know very well - who may have a particular interest etc, but otherwise these isn't the practice of asking others for "ideas" (i.e. asking them to choose) pretty annoying? It's difficult thinking of ideas for presents for people sure, but thats half the job, and I am finding it so irritating to be expected to carry the mental load of doing this particular part of present given for my entire family every time Christmas or a birthday comes around.

(My post is triggered by the annual texts from DH's family members 3 days before his birthday asking what they should get him. I struggle enough thinking of something to give him myself, don't put it on me to choose what you give him too)

I couldn't get worked up over something as minimal as this. If it's bothering you that much, just direct them to your husband to ask him.

On my family each adult gives their ideas directly. Why are you the middle woman?

Well, DH’s family members should be asking DH what he wants rather than asking you.

But apart from that point, I don’t see a problem with people asking for present ideas. The recipient is much more likely to get a present they’ll appreciate if they’re asked for present ideas.

No idea, it's the way DH's family works. I'm not worked up, but I do find it annoying. It's just another thing I am expected to do when the gift giver could just make an effort to either think of something themselves, or ask DH directly.

And if it was genuinely ideas then maybe, but for about 10 years they ask me and order exactly the thing I suggest. So I do the hard bit (thinking of soemthing thoughtful he would appreciate) and they do the easy bit (find it on amazon or whatever and enter their card details).

Maybe IABU, DH is hard to buy for and can never think of anything he wants. I just find it a bit stressful for it all to be on me to constantly have to be making the decisions.

You've been doing this for a decade and you're only just thinking about putting your foot down now?

Just ask the kid if they're old enough x

You don't have to suggest a specific thing, though. You could respond with "Well I am getting him X, so something to go with that", or "He's still into Y". Or even just "I have been a bit stumped this year too. Maybe some vouchers?".

Hard agree OP. My DH's family is the same and it boils my piss!

In recent years I have taken to just refusing to offer suggestions. My MIL finds me rather difficult and obstructive. I think she should use her pen imagination and think of a gift for the son that she has known for nearly 50 years.

*own imagination

I think this is really great idea- let them know the genre I.e they're loving sylvanian families, or Pokémon, or football and leave the family to come up with something. At least your dc will get something they're interested in, and you won't have to locate the exact present

Or your dp! Sorry, thought this was for your dc. Just say, oh he needs some new smellies/slippers/gin and let them do the hard work from there!

Yes, in fact this is what I normally do, I normally suggest vouchers as then DH can pick something himself.

For for kids it's more understandable, as I said. But it still puts the onus on me to come up with something, even if not the specific thing. They know DH, he is a grown man, they are just as well placed to guess what he might like as me, but it's much easier for them to make me come up with something.

@EndlessRain1 maybe next time, send the person shrugging emoji then! 🤷‍♀️ And leave it at that 😂

😂I am quite tempted!

I totally agree with you OP. My sister-in-law does this all the time and it drives me mad. I think it's a very lazy way to buy a gift for someone.

I would just reply "No idea".

Mind you, I used to prefer when mil would ask me what to get the dc as, left to her own devices, she always bought something absolutely enormous/hideously noisy. I eventually suggested keeping some of them in her house for them to play with when we visited. Funnily enough, she was never so keen on that.

I'm one of those people. I absolutely hate wasting money on presents that are not wanted needed or duplicated. If you can't work out what your child should have how is anyone else expected to? I wish people would ask what I would like as I have lots of money spent on things I'll never use but if they had asked I would have been happy with a fluffy pair of socks - genuinely.

Yep, completely agree, this has driven us slightly mad this year. Especially as the children are now old enough to be phoned and asked directly. My Mil is actually very good at presents and only needs a vague brief, but still sends continual links to products/have they read this/heard of this etc My family need compete spoon feeding and it's very annoying. I want to say 'Get to know the child a bit more and then you'll have a better idea of what they like:!!

We use Giftster—like a wedding gift registry in concept. In November I told my family tThat I wasn’t going to be the centre point for ideas and buying, and they all had to put suggestions up in their lists. With the exception of an elderly family member whose eyes aren’t great, they all found it useful.

@mrsbitaly I said I can kind of understand it for children. But that's not what I am most annoyed about, it's for DH, a grown man that they have known their whole lives (and much longer than I have known him).

Ask them for vouchers (bookshop, coffee shop, local restaurant).
A text message that takes 30 seconds to write will waste less of your time than carting an unwanted clutter-gift down the charity shop, believe me.
Or bite the bullet and suggest that you stop exchanging gifts.

Well I can sort of sympathise if it’s your DH, I find it so hard to buy for men.
Its my DH birthday soon and I have no idea what to get him. He has a hobby but already has all the kit, is very fussy about clothes, doesn’t really drink or use many toiletries.
Anyone any ideas what I can get him?

This is why I think all presents for adults should just stop. If your DH actually doesn't want anything then I'd be suggesting that he tells them that. You are carrying this on because you aren't being straight with people. We all try to go out and pay for ourselves and chip in for the birthday person. Or someone hosts a meal and everyone except the birthday person chips in. It's pointless exchanging vouchers/cash or having to come up with something that you could just buy yourself.