Argument with family yesterday and can’t enjoy NYE

[Sabrina145]

So I live at home with parents at the moment due to financial pressures. (I have a good job can’t afford house in current climate and at home saving). Yesterday my parents said some things to me that hurt and insulted me. Now it’s tense and I’ve said I feel there should be an apology but nothing. One of my siblings who lives abroad is coming over for NYE tonight and they’ll act like nothing happened. But now I can’t pretend to be just happy to join in board games, watch TV etc. AIBU to be so annoyed they’re letting me spend NYE feeling like this? Not even addressing what they said to me yesterday. horrible feeling. Or should I enjoy the night as best I can with my sibling and just try to forget it.

I live with an adult child. We have set expectations around who cooks (everyone in the family has set nights), does the washing (DS washes his bedding and towels, the rest goes in the general washing basket and put on when there is enough for a load) and cleaning (it gets evenly spread between the 4 people in the house).
I'd suggest agreeing something similar with your family - and sticking to it. Your mother probably does things because she is sick of waiting for you to get round to it.

Maybe get a second job you will save faster

Move out, OP. Get a room and be a lodger. It'll be far cheaper than renting by yourself so you can still save.

You are being unreasonable, op

They told it as it was - you were being lazy.

Your washing etc doesn't get done - there is no washing fairy - your mother does it.
You've got stuck in a parent / child dynamic.
Sulking expecting an apology is teen behaviour.
Time to adult up, pull your weight and pitch in.
And get your own place - they need their space and an adult's failure to launch is inevitably going to cause friction.

OP, don’t listen to the absolute idiots on this thread who say “it’s time to move out” “go to a house share” “you’re too old to live with parents”. Because the majority of these people will already have their own homes, mortgages and husbands.

They have no idea what it’s like to save for a house as a young single person.

Renting and house shares are a complete waste of money if you’re in the lucky situation with living with parents in order to save.

Your parents are obviously happy for you to live with them until you can save enough. Most good parents would want that for their children.

They may see you as lazy if they are the ones doing all the house work and cooking. If you sit back and let them do it with the expectation of “oh my mum always cooks so there’s no point me doing it” I can see why they would be annoyed and snap.

Don’t expect an apology. Just let it go. As others have said, be a bit more proactive and take charge. If you all share a wash basket, get up early one Sunday morning and take the whole basket and do the washing. Go to the supermarket after work and grab a food shop for everyone. On an evening when everyone has finished their meals, do the washing up and give the kitchen a full deep clean. They will start to appreciate it and you.

When you do get your own place you’ll be able to get into a routine easier than if you’ve spent a few years never making your own meals or doing your own laundry. You’ll feel, ironically, more independent.

Go and make conversation with them, have a drink and enjoy your New Years!

if your mum has cooked, then you should be ensuring you clear the table and wash up. If you cook then someone else can obviously clear up

Cleaning the bathrooms and hoover can be done on days off, don't wait to be asked to do stuff - just get on and do things.

keeping your own bedrooms clean and tidy is a given, with dusting and windows kept clean etc

You've got a sulk on, and YOU'RE deciding to let this spat ruin your NYE festivities.
I personally think that if you're waiting for an apology, from some people... you'll be waiting until you drop dead.

People also get a sulk on when there's an element of truth in what was said... It might be a SMALL element, but it's usually there. And their comment about you being lazy touched a bit of a nerve. Hand on heart, emotions aside, do you think you probably SHOULD do a little more around the place to help out? Part of being an adult is accepting there might be some truth there, ESPECIALLY if you then feel a bit embarrassed/ashamed. There's zero reason why you can't do your own washing for instance.

And perhaps it's time to consider moving out. You could "save for a deposit" forever quite frankly. And it sounds a little bit like you're maybe starting to outstay your welcome.

Or me … just help them! You sound like my daughter anyway all best to you but it’s not worth falling out over sounds like you need your own home

More context needed please.
Is it possible for you to initiate a talk with DP's then you would have a chance to discuss the issues and move on. Could it be that there are faults on both sides or has something been taken out of context. I hope you get it sorted OP life's too short 💐

Moving out may be more expensive but you cannot put a price on independence as an adult. It makes up your self-worth.

So you were sulking. Grow up op. Stick a smile on your face and enjoy the company of your family. One day they won't be there.

I moved back home after a break up a year ago and have been saving. I’ve been incredibly lucky. Also, honestly my parents prefer to do the cooking and washing because they have their own routines and they find adult children faffing in the kitchen way more annoying than just making an extra portion of dinner! These preferences were set out when I moved in and honestly I was not about to complain. I contribute financially and help around the house and generally just get on really well with my parents but that’s also because I do the jobs I’m assigned, there’s a prior agreement that me fitting in with meal times is easier etc. My parents are both retired which maybe makes it easier.
I think if your parents have voiced that they don’t think you’re helping enough you REALLY need to pitch in more. It’s incredibly kind for parents to let their adult kids move back in to save and we benefit so much from it. It’s the absolute least we can do to do.. pretty much whatever they want (within reason!).

sorry but as someone who was a young person living with my parents, you are definitely being unreasonable.

Theres no way you help enough.

Im not in my own home with kids and running a household is HARD and i regret how i treated my mum back then, like a total slave. like you i would sit watching shit on tv whilst in a lovely clean house because it was already done so i didnt know of stuff that could be done but honestly theres SO much you can do. start by offering to cook once of twice a week. Do the dishes after dinner EVERYTIME they cook. start washing your own shit!

Stop being lazy. you may be saving money but thats no reason to not try and do atleast half of the house chores.

things you should be helping out with but most likely arnt because were assholes at that age apparentely: doesnt matter if they are done, you SHOULD be getting them done before your parents have to do it.

Lay the table for dinner
Clean up the table after dinner
Do dishes
Hoover
Clean bathroom
take rubbish out
Ask to cook
wash your own clothes

they are just the basics

When people are stressed and busy trying to get things ready for an event - like your parents preparing for New Year’s Eve and your sibling’s arrival - they become impatient and seeing someone watching a film without helping in any form can be the last straw. I don’t know how old you are but you sound very young and immature; rather like a teenager. Demanding an apology will not have gone down well. If l were you, I would apologise to your parents, stop sulking and feeling sorry for yourself, look forward to seeing your sibling, enjoy the evening and, above all, take on board the very good advice you have received here for a happier new year for you all.

They have no idea what it’s like to save for a house as a young single person.

I was that young, single person saving for a house. I know exactly what it's like, but I didn't treat my parents house like a hotel and let them skivvy around washing my pants for me while I saved money on rent.

You're all adults living in their house so surely you can have a conversation with them about jobs in the home and where you can pitch in more.
Explain that you're happy to cook but for that to happen they will need to wait for you to get home from work. Or that you'll sort your own food out when you get back.

Same with your washing. There's no real need for your mum to be washing your clothes - tell her she can just leave yours in your room and you'll do them when the machine is free.

You can pitch in more, I agree with that but I also get that some people will do jobs (ie cooking before you're home) and then complain that you've not cooked. There needs to be five and take, but yeah, defo work out a way you can do more.

I'm curious. Why are you saving for a house and not a flat? Is a flat not more likely sooner?

Ridiculous comment.

Not everyone wants to buy a flat.

And not everyone lives in an area where flats are plentiful and cheap(er).

Flats round here are marketed at young professionals, are pretty small, high spec and more expensive than (say) the average 2 bedroom house which would be more suitable for a young family anyway.