Starting to really resent my dog

[StopBloodyBarking]

4 years ago (before anyone had heard of Covid so not a lockdown puppy) I bought a puppy. It was a breed I’d always wanted and she was perfect. I did everything by the book, training classes, socialisation classes etc - she excelled in all her classes and she really was perfect.

Then she hit 6 months old and changed. She became dog reactive - no idea why as I’d socialised her so much (in hindsight, too much). I worked on that but she became dog aggressive - then people aggressive. She hates men and kids. This means I can’t have my grandchildren over as it’s just not safe. Infact we can’t have anyone over, nobody visits anymore. All walks with her are stressful so we stick to the same route everytime and I try and walk her at times when the kids are at school so we’re less likely to see any. We can’t go anywhere as we’re so restricted with where she can go. I got a dog so I could take it to the beach, to the woods, to the park etc etc … I can’t take her anywhere. I’ve just braved a quiet beach with her and she screamed the place down before lunging and barking at anyone we came across, it was so embarrassing and after 10 minutes I gave up and came home.

I feel like a prisoner with her, every day is stressful and exhausting. I’m at the point now where i no longer want to walk her. But she’s so full of energy she needs it. I can’t rehome her as she’s aggressive. I’m stuck. I’ve had two behaviourists and 4 trainers. No difference. I’ve been told it’s all about “managing” her behaviour.

Sounds awful but I’ve started to fantasise about the time she’s no longer here :-( and I feel so guilty saying that as she adores me and I love her but I can’t do this for another 10 or so years. I’m really resenting how much time I’m missing out on with my grandkids because of her. All the places we can’t go, the days she’s ruined …. Just needed a rant really. So fed up.

The constant barking is driving me insane. She’s constantly “on guard”. I’m so tired of it.

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Please don’t let anyone on MN blame you for this op. You got a dog in good faith in the hope of having a wonderful companion. The breeder is the one to blame and our government for allowing so much uncontrolled and unregistered dog breeding in the U.K.
I find myself (maybe?) at the beginning of a similar journey to you. After a decade of owning the most wonderful dog and sadly losing him this year, we decided to give a rescue a loving home. He has huge anxiety issues but settled in fine and doing so well. However, 3 months later has suddenly changed and bitten a few times with his anxiety now sky high. The vet found he has an ear infection in both ears (that was a month ago) but he is still unpredictable after treatment. I am hoping and praying it’s down to this infection and a matter of time but feel quite low that we may have taken on way more than we had initially prepared ourselves for. We won’t give up on him but it has t started to become a very stressful time.
It does seem like you need to rethink your choice of vet. I can not imagine any vet putting an already anxious dog into such a position as to muzzle and manhandle her, your poor dog. Why on earth would he not have suggested sedating her first. Also, has the vet checked to make sure she hasn’t any health issues such as ear infection etc?
If you are anywhere near Essex, we have a very popular dog behaviourist near us. He is a retired police dog handler and trainer so obviously has a lot of experience with German Shepherds. He does travel all over the U.K. I am happy to message you his details if you like?
I hope you manage to get somewhere with this. Owning a dog should be a wonderful, rewarding experience but sadly that’s not always the way things turn out.

100% agree with this.

A new vet is a must. A good vet would never have done what yours did. A good one will also check to rule out physical issues.

There's no point battling with a crap vet for care and treatment. Much better to find a different one.

As a veterinary professional I would put her down. You’ve tried many methods. Nothing work. She’s ruining your life. Yes it’s sad but some animals can’t be helped. Exactly as some people can’t be helped. Put her to sleep. Don’t try and rehome. That would be worse and dangerous

It's very easy to tell someone they have a moral duty to prioritise the dog over their own freedom and happiness when it's not them facing the daily nightmare of owning it.
Doubtless there will be posters here who would genuinely sacrifice and curtail their liberty for the sake of the dog but they're probably not people I would recommend listening to. It's a bit nuts isn't it? They wouldn't suggest giving house room to an anti-social, violent, domineering family member...but because it's a dog it's somehow your tough shit. I don't agree.

If the entire litter are disturbed, aggressive and unhappy there is clearly an issue that is not going to be resolved.

P.s That happens sometimes. There are many people who cannot be rehabilitated either.

If you live near the North West there is a dog rescue that takes the difficult dogs no one wants. Dogs 4 Rescue. If you contact them they might help especially if you are able to make a contribution to her keep. They rehabilitate difficult dogs and never PTS.

Poor bloody dog.

Sorry I have no useful advice OP. I was just going to ask though, how the dog reacts to you muzzling her? When we first got our greyhound it was recommended we muzzle him ( although after a month or 2 we gave up as he's really so laid back he's almost horizontal). But he never reacted badly to it. Just thought it might make your walks better in the meantime if your dog accepts it.

Long term I can only repeat another poster's idea of re-homing to a business as a guard dog. Maybe that's not realistic though. Good luck.

I've had shepherds my entire life - and I was about to suggest some methods OP as I also had a very reactive and fear aggressive GSD (adopted from dogs trust btw) who I trained into a teddy bear but I've just seen the updates about the breed line and litter. I don't think there's any fixing that OP I'm sorry.

Dog Prozac, a thundershirt and a second opinion from another vet might be the way forward. After that .. I think you need to look long term and advocate for her quality of life if she's this fear reactive and essentially can't go anywhere and has been through every professional possible...

p.p.s I like dogs but not more than my own biological children and/or grandchildren. Fuck sake.

German Shepherds are not a breed for novice owners - they are working dogs who need a job and a purpose, as well as a handler with lots of experience. The fact she came from a dodgy breeder with aggressive parents is also a huge part of the problem- and unfortunately you can't out-train bad genetics, you just have to manage the behaviour as best you can.

I would speak to a breed-specific rescue - not necessarily with a view to rehoming, but to see what they recommend. For some dogs, medication helps manage their threshold so that they can focus and learn, but some dogs are just wired "wrong" and sadly there's nothing that can be done about it.

If that's the case, I would strongly think about having her PTS. She is a big, strong working dog who could do some serious damage in the wrong hands. There are worse fates for her than falling asleep at home with her human next to her. I would recommend getting the vet to come out to you to minimise her stress, and have her muzzled and on a lead so they can give her a sedative first.

Big hugs and best of luck

This breed rescue in Hereford has a no kill policy:

www.germanshepherdrescue.co.uk

Can you contact them next week and ask about giving up the dog? Sorry if this has already been linked, I've only read the OP's posts and a few of the others. And personally I think you should move this to the Doghouse its not great for AIBU.

As it's the whole litter, it equally could be a physical issue, such as hip problems which are very common in GSDs (particularly badly bred ones!) Living in pain can cause dogs to become aggressive.

Dogs are sooo complicated and emotionally complex which is why I don't have one .. I absolutely love dogs but having had dogs throughout my childhood I know they are all so different and one event can change them forever!

It must be horrid for you to be in a controlled relationship with your dog which you obviously love.

No answers but my family had a tricky dog for 12 years and it was always a nuisance although not aggressive so I know how horrid it can be to try and do what's best for them .

I don't know why you are assuming that it is inevitable that the dog will bite at some point

The dog has bitten the vet already

@Railwayroad - dogs4rescue.co.uk are amazing, yes that's another place the OP could try.

I'd also point out it doesn't matter where in the country the OP is they can still talk to the rescue in question and arrange transport.

Sometimes things can go wrong for no obvious reason. In addition to what is being done, I would also get her sight and hearing checked, also work over her to check she does not have any pain areas.

@Chitasaurus what do you think of the rescues I've linked to - sound promising at all?

We are in similar situation with a Vizsla (who ended up accidentally being a lockdown dog as we got her a few months before the pandemic 😫).

Long story short (long story below!!) - we manage her aggression and tendency to bark with a halti for walking on lead and a soft muzzle inside the house when we need her under control as it stops her barking, calms her down and obviously means she can't bite!

She is fear reactive to some other dogs (generally those larger than her) so barks and is aggressive if they come near her. The halti makes her very easy to control. Although we are lucky we have somewhere safe to let her off lead and she is generally fine off lead with other dogs.

The worst bit is she is aggressive to people she doesn't know, particularly in our house as we had so few people in the house for such a long time. She has bitten (not badly and only on the arm, but still bites) a few times and we cannot trust her round anyone but our immediate family. She also barks a lot if we shut her away.

I spoke to a rehoming charity and basically it would be very hard to place her due to her history. As above, we now manage her behaviour and find her so much easier now. The muzzle is like a switch off button.

She doesn't like the halti or the muzzle but is getting used to them and ultimately it's better for her to have to wear them some of the time than for us to have to let her go and she will probably be PTS:-(.

In your position I would try management options and ultimately if they fail, your quality of life and mental health needs to be prioritised.

All dogs from this litter are the same apparently, one has multiple bite history now and the breeder has disappeared. German Shepherd.

I think as it's already bitten the vet and the whole litter are like it - i think it's something you won't be able to train out of it.

I would sadly PTS and I'm a massive dog lover.

Second this.

This dog has a life to live and they deserve to live it in an environment that will let them flourish. PLEASE contact this rescue, it is kennel free and pack led and the dog will naturally find it's spot in the pack.

Putting a young dog down because it's in the wrong place is awful.

I feel like biting this vet too tbh. OP can’t add anything, just sympathy, hope you can find a more helpful vet

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This is not a happy life for you, your husband or the dog. You're missing out on life with your children and grandchildren ... for a violent, aggressive, UNHAPPY dog. Even rescue centres won't touch him. Listen to this reality and put the poor dog to sleep.

That sounds like an utterly miserable life for her, not to mention that the new owner would need to be able to handle her without being savaged themselves!

Absolutely try a different vet first. I recently had to rehome one of my dogs due to a behavioral issue....it was a difficult decision to make but ultimately it was the right thing to do for her and my family.
Dogs are supposed to be companions that improve the quality of their owners lives, I understand exactly how you feel when you say you can't go on like this. Behavioral issues take over your life.