Starting to really resent my dog

[StopBloodyBarking]

4 years ago (before anyone had heard of Covid so not a lockdown puppy) I bought a puppy. It was a breed I’d always wanted and she was perfect. I did everything by the book, training classes, socialisation classes etc - she excelled in all her classes and she really was perfect.

Then she hit 6 months old and changed. She became dog reactive - no idea why as I’d socialised her so much (in hindsight, too much). I worked on that but she became dog aggressive - then people aggressive. She hates men and kids. This means I can’t have my grandchildren over as it’s just not safe. Infact we can’t have anyone over, nobody visits anymore. All walks with her are stressful so we stick to the same route everytime and I try and walk her at times when the kids are at school so we’re less likely to see any. We can’t go anywhere as we’re so restricted with where she can go. I got a dog so I could take it to the beach, to the woods, to the park etc etc … I can’t take her anywhere. I’ve just braved a quiet beach with her and she screamed the place down before lunging and barking at anyone we came across, it was so embarrassing and after 10 minutes I gave up and came home.

I feel like a prisoner with her, every day is stressful and exhausting. I’m at the point now where i no longer want to walk her. But she’s so full of energy she needs it. I can’t rehome her as she’s aggressive. I’m stuck. I’ve had two behaviourists and 4 trainers. No difference. I’ve been told it’s all about “managing” her behaviour.

Sounds awful but I’ve started to fantasise about the time she’s no longer here :-( and I feel so guilty saying that as she adores me and I love her but I can’t do this for another 10 or so years. I’m really resenting how much time I’m missing out on with my grandkids because of her. All the places we can’t go, the days she’s ruined …. Just needed a rant really. So fed up.

The constant barking is driving me insane. She’s constantly “on guard”. I’m so tired of it.

I’m a massive dog lover (I have two) but everything in your post suggests you did EVERYTHING to train and stimulate here. You only get one life. This dog through no fault of her own in making yours a misery (and she is probably very unhappy and stressed to for large chunks of time). For me human life trumps an animal - particularly given what you are missing out on for your grandkids and they with you. Plus toll on your marriage.

I’d euthanise I’m afraid unless meds radically change how she can interact as upsetting as that would be. Sending strength to you either way.

Fruitloopswearcowgirlboots

The OP can't rehome her, she's too aggressive to be rehomed.

We all love our fur family members but in some cases, the best and most humane thing is to put them down. The OPs dog doesn't have any kind of quality of life, she's too damaged to play and enjoy being part of a family, her life is a misery of aggression without any joy.

The OP also deserves to have family and friends in her home without an aggressive dog that can lunge at any moment. This is the opposite to enjoyment of life for both the OP and the dog.

As pet owners, sometimes we need to take decisions we don't like but must be taken in everyone's best interests, including our pets.

This just goes to show how awful some of the advice on here is.
Police dogs are not aggressive dogs, they are highly trained dogs that are trained to be aggressive on command and retreat on command. They can deal with large crowds whilst remaining calm. They take their cues from their handlers.
Even the link states police dogs must have good temperaments and be well socialised. Neither are traits OPs dog has.

I would wholeheartedly agree with this. There are temperament problems in the bloodlines unfortunately and I doubt anything will overcome those. I'm so sorry, but sometimes that's sadly how it is.

Er, could the police please NOT use aggressive dogs in policing?

The dog is aggressive towards people and has remained so despite a series of professionals working on the issue. And she is a breed that is capable of doing some serious harm if she were to really go for someone. Euthanize. Seriously.

Sorry your in this position. Definitely you need another vet - it is essential to rule out if she is any form of pain - and yours sounds terrified of her. Someone has already posted the link for vet behaviourists - this would be the best option. If you are anywhere near Hertfordshire I know of an excellent rescue that works with dogs that other rescues won't take. Message me if you want the contact details.

Massive sympathy to you op. I'm in a similar position and it's really hard and lonely. I would recommend an assessment by a veterinary behaviourist to help you decide the best course of action.

Like you, I saw several trainers and behaviourists after my dog became very reactive around 6m old. They all made the situation worse and left me and the dog completely confused.

Mine is a (badly bred) shepherdx and he's unlike any dog I've had before - so clever and sensitive, unbelievable prey drive. Like you, I assumed it was all down to training and he picked up cues so quickly. But he's also hugely anxious; that is his nature to a certain extent and as he matured he began to express his feelings! Out of ignorance, I overwhelmed him in the early days of socialisation and reinforced his view that the world is dangerous and terrifying.

The vet behaviourist checked for physical issues, prescribed medication and helped me to identify and better manage his triggers. The goal being that he feels safe and expects good things, rather than bad. In the short term, we tried to make sure nothing bad happened (as far as possible).

We're a year in now and he's a different dog. Still got a long way to go but he's calmed down enough that he can engage his brain, and switch off for a good stretch. But it has been all consuming and I understand not everyone has the option of arranging their life around a dog!

I'm no expert but a couple of things stand out:

• taking dog to beach. Seems unlikely she was going to do well in this situation, perhaps adjust your expectations for a while. Keep walks short, boring and predictable. As a pp said, sniffing, not looking.
• balanced training. Probably ok for steady/robust dogs but mine did not cope well with this approach. Plus, while it may supress behaviours it won't address the underlying issue (fear/anxiety).
• vet pinning your dog down. This makes me really angry; your poor dog was so terrified, she urinated!!! She could be painful: has anyone checked? There is no excuse for manhandling an already fearful dog like this for a frigging vaccination; it wasn't an emergency. You shouldn't have allowed it to happen. I would change vets.
• visitors/children/aggression. Only a vet behaviourist can tell you if this is something that can be treated/managed, maybe in a different home, or if she is just too dangerous and should be pts. If the latter, they can help you do it in the kindest way possible. Not your current vet!

Good luck with whatever you decide x

sorry if ive missed something but why did the vet refuse to sedate her

ive never had a dog so maybe its different but when my cat was agressive at the vets they sedated her for tratment she needed

there are other vets you have no obligation to stay with one

I've recently posted about next doors dogs and how their reactivity and barking is genuinely ruining our lives.
The bottom line is that a dog that is on constant alert is not a happy dog. I'm filled with anxiety all the time because of the barking, but it must be 100 x worse on your poor dog. Imagine being that wound up all the time.
You have tried everything you can. Unless the police /services would take the dog, I think you know what the kindest thing to do is.
It only takes one moment for a reactive and aggressively territorial dog to attack or bite a stranger. Could you live with yourself if your dog bit a child and you knew it was always a big possibility?
You sound lovely and you've taken this as far as you can go. Some dogs aren't meant to be pets.

I'd put her to sleep, OP. This is no life for her. She's stressed and scared of any outside environment, desperately in need of exercise that she doesn't get because of her behaviour. Her breed should be out for hours, running around every day. This isn't living. For her or you.

Imagine if she got loose? It happens. Mine have slipped collars/had leads break or I've slipped and inadvertently let go of them. It doesn't matter because they're obedient and friendly occasionally even sensible!

If yours got loose, it could end badly. Especially given her thing about kids. You'd never forgive yourself.

It's not her fault, her breeder valued money over producing healthy, stable, good natured puppies but you can't change that now. I know it's hard, I've lost one myself because I just couldn't trust him. I had a bit of a scare one day with him, he was dog aggressive and went for a little dog being held on a lead by a small child.

Obviously he went apeshape, I wasn't expecting it as hadn't seen this tiny little fluffball and ended up dropping my other dogs lead and practically riding him in an attempt to subdue him. Child was screaming, fluffball was terrified, parents shouting, it was all very traumatic.

The child was in no real danger, he wanted the dog, not her but obviously he scared the shit out of the poor mite.

My other dog was an angel and just stood there watching it all with an air of contempt but I was seriously shaken. He wasn't even fully grown and I was st the stage where I could physically overpower him if I had both hands free and a second to brace myself but taken by surprise I'd had a moment where I actually wondered if I might lose this one.

I had him put to sleep a few weeks later. They're powerful animals and if their temperament isn't stable, you just can't take the risk. Bad enough if he killed another dog but what if it was a child?

My grandad was a big dog lover. Adored them, our family has always had animals. But he always used to tell us that teaching them manners and obedience as puppies was paramount and that if we couldn't physically overpower that animal, we better make damn sure we never had to.

The police will NOT take a bampot of a dog. Jesus.

@StopBloodyBarking

I had a dog that was similar to yours. A different breed, can’t say what as hugely outing.

My dog was like yours, pretty much from the first week,

Took the dog to puppy school four times, socialised the dog, did everything right.

It never occurred to me to take the dog back as I thought that the dog would improve with time and training. No.

The dog had some medical issues that didn’t become evident until some 5 years later. Vet gave meds. Illness nothing to do with behaviour.

Like you, I was ground down. Very much so. I also was doing all the doggy care myself. Luckily the dog was very bonded with the members of the household.

Eventually, I went to the vet and explained the situation hadn’t really improved and it was unfortunately really getting me down as I felt I couldn’t go out and leave the dog at home alone.

The vet recommended a rescue that works with experienced foster carers, doesn’t ever PTS, and won’t rehome until the dog is ready.

I found out at the beginning of December that my lovely doggy (and the dog was lovely with me. It was everyone else that was a problem) was successfully rehomed after only 3 months of retraining and the rehoming has been a success.

Maybe being professional, experienced dog trainers was different, maybe the home life dynamic, who knows? The rescue person said that the foster carer could tell that the dog had been well loved and well cared for as apparently the “framework” became evident from the start - my dog would sit, stand, down, in, out, etc., etc., but just became more and more reactive with each passing week.

Please don’t PTS until you’ve looked in to a rescue specific group.

But please don’t ask your current vet for any advice.

Could the people who have recommended the police explain their thinking? If I had a horse that consistently reared, bucked, bolted and bit everyone who came near it, I wouldn't think 'oh, I know, I bet it would make a good police horse'.

This dog is 4+ years old, nervous, stressed, and from bad blood lines. I get that the police will have knowledge of the breed and how to train them, but what would make anyone think that such a dog would be suitable for situations that require obedience and a calm temperament?

What have you been doing for the past 3 and a half years OP? Have you been consistent with training/reinforcement etc? My Mum had a dog who was very similar, she was a rottie and had a history of abuse, she sought the help of a very good trainer who were recommended through the rescue she rehomed the dog from, worked with her consistently, muzzled her on walks and she turned into a lovely, calm and friendly dog, it did however take work and effort on my Mum and her husbands behalf.

I agree with this, anyone can call themselves a trainer or behaviour counsellor. I'd always recommend going to a member of the APBC. You'll need a vet referral so first, you need a new vet!

I would add that it is not always possible to "fix" dogs like this and PTS may be the right answer. Unmanageable behaviour is a legitimate reason to PTS. An animal is not suffering if it is PTS. Keeping them alive at all costs is not necessarily the right thing to do.

This dog is a loose cannon as such too much of a liability for anyone!

Assuming you've had properly qualified behaviour consultant type positive reinforcement trainers (not just, any old trainer who sticks a sign on their door) and have followed through with their methods..... (ABTC/APBC members?)

Have ruled out pain (I think she probably is in pain and if she can't see the vet to be assessed, I can't see how this is ruled out)...

And the only method so far thats achieved control (if not a happy, relaxed dog) is brute force and more pain (balanced training)... which you are not willing nor capable of using (nor should you, long term it will only make matters worse!).

Then I don't see you can do more really, without putting others at risk or prolonging her obvious mental and/or physical distress.

I would personally recommend a vet behaviourist and a pain medication trial, you may need a referral, and you may need to seek help from another vet other than your usual one (particularly as your dog will now associate your usual vet with the horrific experiences she had there) to get the pain med trial and referral sorted.

There may also be a long wait to see a vet.beh. as we have VERY few of them in the UK (less than twenty last i counted) and it might be that the wait is unreasonable to ask of you and her.

Euthanasia on behavioural grounds should not be a 'dirty word', theres every chance your dogs epigenetics are absolutely fucked up every which way and the management she'd need to achieve a reasonable quality of life would be unachievable by you (and its really unfair to wait for the Unicorn Farm to have space for her, as many seem to want to do... Unicorn Farms are those dream homes that simply don't exist!).

I believe there are worse things in life for a dog than euthanasia.

Your post highlights that if you’re willing to put the work and effort in, things do and can change. People just can’t be bothered to train them properly, a lot of it is laziness on the owners behalf, sadly they’re then treated as disposable.

PTS. It's the kindest option for everyone. You've tried, but it's the whole litter so it's likely innate and beyond anyones control.

What a nightmare situation for you OP!

Is she aggressive towards your or your DH?

I am annoyed that your DH has basically washed his hands of her as that is not going to help the situation.
Resentment or stress is going to keep triggering these behaviours.

I would definitely look into calming medication from the vet.

99.9% of the time it is the owner who is to blame but it does sound like you are a good owner who has tried everything.

You are not happy.
Your DH isn’t happy.
And most importantly your dog isn’t happy.

Something has to give.

I would actually look up these ‘famous’ dog behaviourists who make tv shows (do they still do this?) as they will do it for free and have excellent reputations for rehabilitating aggressive dogs.

And if even they can’t improve the situation then the kindest thing may be euthanasia (I’ve never said euthanasia is an option for behaviour before).

This is not a good life for your dog (or you) and it is very likely you will need to get rid of her.

I would put your living family first over some aggressive animal. If it came down to it I would alway pick my children and grandchildren over an animal.

PTS doesn’t sound like there’s any quality of life anyway.

Some dogs (like people) have an issue with their brains and it’s not as simple as training and socialising.

I’ve watched many programmes where a dog gets a new owner and is a completely different dog.

Not because the old owner mistreated them but because they have seen the bad behaviour and anticipated before it starts which actually triggers the behaviour.

My dog is a rescue and is a massive, strong bull breed.
She is a complete soppy angel but if a dog like her was aggressive then I don’t know if they could be rehomed as it’s not worth the risk when there are so many other dogs needing homes.

I would definitely reach out to a breed specific rescue or one that specialises in aggressive dogs but it would be understandable if they didn’t accept yours.

This is really sad to read as you sound like such a lovely owner with more patience than many would have. I'm a huge dog lover but as a child I was attacked by a neighbours German shepherd which escaped out of its garden, sadly I've been wary on them ever since

You're talking pure shit unless you're aware of Dogs 4 Rescue work. You're clearly not. So it's best not to comment.

Why would the police want to take on an aggressive dog?! Police dogs aren't randomly aggressive reactive animals.

OP this is such a hard situation. Personally I would look into putting her to sleep. There are worse possibe outcomes here than that.