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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask again for payment? very small amount

103 replies

lilila · 30/12/2022 16:49

A friend asked if I could pick something up for her whilst shopping, which I did. it only cost around £3
She said that she would send tge money over to me. I did mention the item in a message the next day,and she said that she needs to pay me
Do I just let it go now? It's not so much tge amount, but the principle.
I could factor it in the next time we meet (for example, if I pay I could add it on, or take it off a future payment to her)
I am thinking its negligible, so to forget about it..I really hate things like this though, and they can add up!

OP posts:
JustAnotherManicMomday · 30/12/2022 23:02

With dp after a reminder I normally say hey did you remember to send me the money for... the other day? If not he normally does it straight away. Kind of a way of me saying you still haven't done it and I ha e not forgot. After that I knock it off the money I transfer him for bills. I would say a gently reminder or skip straight to knocking it off. If she gets funny about it being knocked off, say you would hope she would do the same if you ever forgot as otherwise these kind of things can mount up and look like your taking the piss.

123boom · 30/12/2022 23:05

It depends on your financial situation and how they have been regarding paying before. I personally wouldn’t bother for £3 and things will prob even out.

poefaced · 30/12/2022 23:24

bravelittletiger · 30/12/2022 19:29

You definitely are keeping tabs. If you're genuinely so skint you need £3 back then fair enough but otherwise you sound properly tight. Your subsequent posts have confirmed that- you've given an example where you paid 50p more than someone else for a bill and have noted it and clearly more every time someone has more expensive items than you when you go for coffee. It's not a good trait to have- I would try and be a bit more conscious about how tight you're being and try to nip it in the bud.

That’s not what OP said. Don’t misrepresent her.

poefaced · 30/12/2022 23:25

the friend had forgotten to buy birthday/Xmas gifts for my DS over the past couple of years..i have bought for her DD, and don't give to recieve, but maybe that has contributed to this feeling a little

Please stop the presents. Her dd won’t notice.

And stop the money favours, no matter how small.

poefaced · 30/12/2022 23:26

bravelittletiger · 30/12/2022 22:52

I honestly don't think you can say you're friends with someone if you've made "a mental note to never help her out again". That's basically the opposite of friendship.

Show quote history

But one person doing all the giving and one doing all the taking is not friendship,

OP should pull back.

homeishere · 30/12/2022 23:27

You sound like an old friend who once produced a slip of paper from her purse and said ‘you owe me a drink, as I got you one last time’.

Emphasis on the old friend…

poefaced · 30/12/2022 23:28

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/12/2022 18:34

Basically you've noticed she's a tightwad and now you can't unsee it. It's not £3, it's probably not even the principle, it's that she's a taker.

I get it.

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Exactly.

PeskyYeti · 30/12/2022 23:30

RoomOfRequirement · 30/12/2022 17:09

I don't think I'd ever care about £3 between friends unless I really needed it. Surely it usually evens out with one of you buying coffee/lunch etc 1 day, or her picking something up for you? I don't have a running tab with any friends.

Exactly this. I wouldn't worry about £3 and I probably wouldn't be stressing about repaying a friend £3 either.

squidgybits · 31/12/2022 00:14

lol, come back in a few years and say the same LOL

squidgybits · 31/12/2022 00:39

poefaced · 30/12/2022 23:28

Exactly.

Show quote history

with bells and whistles on!

some people do not realise they are being played

Geppili · 31/12/2022 01:15

She is a tight wad and a cheeky fucker. Times are hard.

honeylulu · 31/12/2022 01:30

It sounds like a repeating pattern. That's the difference between "what's £3 between friends" and pisstaking.

I don't keep tally but you can't help noticing when someone repeatedly ends up with the financial advantage.

Iknowthis1 · 31/12/2022 01:37

Ffs. Let it go. It's €3

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 31/12/2022 01:44

It normally tends to be an issue(yes,even small amounts) when it's very one sided or an expectation.

With my friends we don't keep track and it's always "don't worry about it" because it 's pretty equal and it really evens out.

So if it is very one sided then I don't blame you for being annoyed, even for £3.

NotRightNowPlease · 31/12/2022 01:51

I think a lot of pp are being really unfair, £3 is £3 and it does all add up. Maybe others don't live such a struggle but some weeks for me, being £3 down would be a case of choosing between bread and milk.

OP, I'd ask again in a genuine way or as others have suggested, ask her to pick something up for you and knock it off.

I have a habit of being over generous to some friends but I know they will always, always pay me back I'd I need it or help me other ways.

Spacebears · 31/12/2022 01:52

I would just leave it. My friend behaves like this and it really started to bug me. For instance, I'll borrow her 10 pound. And when she sees me she would give me back £8 in cash and tell me she'll send the rest back to my card🙄 but never does or she would ask me to cook dinner for us ( on a single parent wage) then only offer to contribute to the cheapest item of the meal like a cucumber or something! Happened multiple times, don't think she ever cooked me a meal. Took me a while to recognise she was taking the piss. But yeah, we're not friends anymore.

PinkSyCo · 31/12/2022 02:05

If she had form for not stumping up for stuff you’ve picked up for her, then I would stop shopping for her and tell her why next time she asked, but as a one off I really wouldn’t worry about it. Maybe she’s planning on paying for the coffee or something next time you’re out. 🤷🏻‍♀️

tuvamoodyson · 31/12/2022 05:56

It depends if £3 is make or break for you. Personally I’d not ask for it, it’s a small amount and, in my circle of friends, we treat each other to coffee etc, so it all evens out.

Mamai90 · 31/12/2022 06:11

Unless I was on the bones of my arse I wouldn't be asking for this back. I would pick up a £3 item for a friend and wouldn't expect them to pay for it, its £3! It sounds really tight to chase up that tiny amount or to be annoyed over 50p.

RambamThankyouMam · 31/12/2022 06:24

Don't be so stingy. It's £3 FFS.

Flapjackquack · 31/12/2022 08:07

But it doesn’t sound like a pattern other than the time OP paid 25p more than her share (the horror!). It sounds like OP’s projecting her experience with another friend onto this one. The keeping mental tabs is weird, if you are going to be like that just have a blanket rule that you don’t ever lend money or pick up things or you only go to places where you order and pay separately. Also weird, but about as weird as keeping mental tabs over £3 or 25p!

bravelittletiger · 31/12/2022 08:55

@poefaced yes it is. Have you read her subsequent posts where she says she isn't tight and then gives two examples that indicate she keeps extremely close tabs on what is paid between friends.

Valeriekat · 31/12/2022 09:00

UWhatNow · 30/12/2022 17:42

Can’t believe some of the replies on here…

If someone asks you to buy them something then it’s incumbent on them to pay you the money. Even if it was 50p! Anything else is CFery.

I would be too embarrassed (and irritated) to chase but it would leave a sour taste with me if the person didn’t immediately give me the money they owe. That’s the right and proper thing, not just assuming and expecting other people to pay for your shit.

Exactly, it isn't the amount it is the principle. Why didn't she hand over the cash when she received the item?

Aprilx · 31/12/2022 09:04

the friend had forgotten to buy birthday / Xmas gifts for me DS

Perhaps she doesn’t want to get into buying gifts for friends children, I don’t buy gifts for friends children either, it hasn’t occurred to me that I should be.

As for the £3, I wouldn’t have asked for it in the first place never mind ask again, how absolutely embarrassing that you count pennies between friends like that. And yes you do sound extremely tight in the way you keep tabs on everything.

Original poster
lilila · 31/12/2022 11:00

Thank you for your further replies and viewpoints:)
as before, it wasn't the 25p (it could have been any amount, and no way am I thinking it is owed to me!), ir was the fact that I was told I was paying more
We usually pay separately for.what we have, don't really take in turns to pay or anything
I won't ask for it back..there are comments on here to say this thread is embarrassing or mortifying..I'm really don't feel embarrassed by this..I wanted to get different perspectives which I have 😊

OP posts: