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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DD what she can spend Xmas £ on

52 replies

Tiredo · 30/12/2022 11:28

Dd is 6, she was given £40 by family to spend for Christmas. We took her to a big toy shop with no agenda.

Her thing is fluffy toys (teddies, unicorns, TY that kind of thing).

First thing she saw was a TY toy (fluffy panda with big eyes), it was £6.99, it was high up so she asked if she could have it. DH spent 2 minutes persuading her she has enough of them and to buy something else, the discussion ended in tears (DD).

IMO I felt it was her money to spend on what she wanted, I felt it was almost controlling and even when she cried he still didn’t stop until I pulled him to one side and asked him to, I reminded him to pick his battles, that it was meant to be a fun part of Christmas for her and just because her interest isn’t his doesn’t mean it’s invalid and she should change.

He feels it was wasted money, there was lots of things in the shop she’d also like and he had her best interest at heart. He said he has his parenting ways and that they’re different from mine and I should respect that.

AIBU?

She did get the TY panda in the end, along with 2 other toys that she loves and is grateful.

OP posts:
tiredmama23 · 30/12/2022 11:29

DH is being mean. It's her Christmas money. Poor DD.

tiredmama23 · 30/12/2022 11:30

Oh just seen she got the panda in the end! That's good 😃

StripeyDeckchair · 30/12/2022 11:31

The joy of being given money as a child is that you spend it on exactly what you want

Your H was unreasonable to attempt to impose his wants on DD and to reduce her to tears.

123woop · 30/12/2022 11:31

This is why you have the discussion before you go to the shop! Give options, so A) save it and then buy xyz, or B) get this new thing or C) get more of the TY teddies

stealthninjamum · 30/12/2022 11:31

The number of times I have gritted my teeth while dc have wasted money on rubbish like a cuddly toy or pointless piece of crap…..

Im with you. My dc now get their pocket money into a bank account and are very careful with what they spend their money on - probably because I let them waste it when they were younger and they learnt how easy it goes.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 30/12/2022 11:32

Mine get a set amount of theirs to spend / waste on tat however they see fit. The rest goes in the bank.

i’m half way between both of you - the panda, fine. The other two? Nope. Pick one.

Joshitai · 30/12/2022 11:32

You both should have had this discussion prior to taking your DD shopping.
I agree with you, DCs should be allowed to spend their money as they wish. If it’s a waste of money, this is the best way they can learn that lesson to value their money. And 6 is not too young to begin learning the value of money.

Your DHs parenting style is obviously different and more authoritarian, but you two need to come to an agreement in private and not subject your DD to such public chastisement and arguments in future.

Purplecatshopaholic · 30/12/2022 11:35

It’s her money. If she wants to buy tat, that’s up to her. Then she won’t have the money for other things. Spending your money is a life lesson.

Stompythedinosaur · 30/12/2022 11:35

She may have got the panda, but I doubt she'll enjoy her new toy the same now her df has been negative about it.

You are 100% right, there are few situations where DC get to make a choice, and buying a new toy with their Christmas present shouldn't be about pleasing their parents.

If there were boundaries, they needed to be made clear before the trip.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 30/12/2022 11:37

Very cruel.

You need to 1) get dd to save some and spend some. Put some into the bank.
2) when she goes to a shop she's allowed to spend what she wants!
3) make this clear sonit doesn't happen again.

ThePuddingBear · 30/12/2022 11:38

Your DH was in the wrong. It’s her money and her choice how to spend it.

Tiani4 · 30/12/2022 11:40

It's £6.99 out of £40 ...
Yes she probably has too many toys but that'd be her new favourite ...
my girls could hardly fit in their beds the number of teddies they had... but they loved them all Grin

It'd have been different if it was a huge teddy that wouldn't fit in her room or was silly £30+ worth

But I don't think your DH understands 6 year olds! He's treating her like a mini adult to reason with when all she wants is things that make her happy and this TY panda does.

Mine had at least 5 each of those big eyed TY animals!! And small keyring ones and ... and... I'd have loved them to invest in better things using their present money but then that's not the point of them being given the money.

What 6 year old thinks about longevity and usefulness..? they just see cute furry friend they can cuddle

Itsthewhitehat · 30/12/2022 11:41

He is absolutely wrong.

It’s her money and since there were no rules about what she could buy (why would there be) to try and stop her getting what she picked was cruel.

Why does he think it’s up to him to dictate what she can buy with the money?

BatshitBanshee · 30/12/2022 11:41

H needs to find a better hill to die on. It's a 6.99 panda out of 40 quid for goodness sake. It's good for kids to make independent choices and not always be told what's good for them.

tillytown · 30/12/2022 11:43

Your husband is a dick. If he wanted her to have something else he should have got it with his own money, not hers.

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 30/12/2022 11:45

Imo now is the ideal age to save half spend half? Surely a great habit to get into? She can hand over her bank book at the bank!! Very grown up!

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 30/12/2022 11:46

It's her money and you took her to a shop without any pre agreed rules. So she did what any kid would do and picked what she really wanted. He can't then suddenly decide to impose new rules ,especially not over a £7 teddy .

Doingmybest12 · 30/12/2022 11:46

I was always on the spend it as you want side but I am not sure the other way is wrong , it is just a different view point. If my husband had taken a stand the other way I wouldn't have undermined that in front of my child, I'd of probably left him to sort it out himself.

GiltEdges · 30/12/2022 11:47

I’d have probably gone for an approach somewhere in the middle to be honest. For example, telling her she needs to have a look around the store and see if there’s anything else she might like instead, but if she doesn’t find anything then she can get the panda. Always works with DS, and at least half the time encouraging him to expand his horizons results in him discovering and choosing something new, rather than buying more of the same old rubbish.

tiredmama23 · 30/12/2022 11:47

I must be really soft as a parent. Not only would i have let my DD have what she wanted, I'd have ended up putting extra money in if it went a little over the £40 (have done this a few times with my now teen DD over the years!) I'm clearly a pushover 😅 However I was a single parent for many of those years so no DH to argue with about what she was buying!

SomethingOriginal2 · 30/12/2022 11:49

Why is it always the dicky parent that thinks their parenting needs respecting and not undermining?

I think in future putting half in savings for her would be a good idea. But if she goes to the shop with money then she can spend all that money on anything she wants. Being controlling over kids money spending doesn't actually teach then how to look after money. Just like tying their shoes for them doesn't teach them how to tie laces.

Suedomin · 30/12/2022 11:49

i’m half way between both of you - the panda, fine. The other two? Nope. Pick one.
It's her money though, given to her freely to do what she wants with if I had given it to her I would want her to choose . If I had wanted to out conditions on what she should do with it I would have said so when I handed it over.

Thesearmsofmine · 30/12/2022 11:50

I think when people give money to a 6 year old they know it’s going to be spent on junk(to us). Mine have always been able to spend their money as they please and now they are tweens (10 and 12) are mindful of how they spend it.

NoelleSnowman · 30/12/2022 11:55

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 30/12/2022 11:45

Imo now is the ideal age to save half spend half? Surely a great habit to get into? She can hand over her bank book at the bank!! Very grown up!

Why should she have to save half?

Mariposa26 · 30/12/2022 12:01

I am a saver personally but don’t understand why people are saying she should be told to save half? It is Christmas money, presumably given to her to buy presents with - not money she has earned….why can’t the child just enjoy the money?