To withdraw DS from overseas school trip?

[Letshaveablackcelebration22]

DS 15 is going through a difficult time emotionally - he’s very immature for his age (due to delayed puberty) and cries at the slightest thing. He doesn’t feel like he fits in anywhere & is just having an amplified shit teenage time.

Hes meant to be going on an overseas school trip in the spring & I am very worried about it. On the one hand, I was taking the approach that it might be the making of him & really help him to mature, develop resilience and make friends etc.

Yesterday we were out with friends and one comment (which wasn’t meant in a mean way) set him off in floods of tears & his Dad had to take him home as he refused to stay out.

So I am really very concerned about him being in another country for a week & something happening without us there to support him too.

WWYD? Aibu unreasonable to be worried as he’s so emotionally all over the place or should we just take the view that it will develop his resilience & be good for him?

If he doesn't want to go, then don't make him.
But if he's not sure, then he should definitely go. Worst that will happen is that he might be homesick for a week - but he'll also gain all sorts of new experiences and hopefully some resilience.

Where did I say harrassing? Strange you should misread that, very Freudian, in fact .

@CornflakeKerry seriously, fuck off, you know nothing about us or our parenting.

Of course I can't. I do ask nicely.

We do well to remember that HQ take a dim view of posts that are NITS. HTH

@CornflakeKerry reported

Do you know any teenage boys?

delayed puberty in boys is traumatic. It’s not really discussed and so is harder for parents to pick up until a later stage. Other teenage boys are really really cruel. Infact adult women can be pretty cruel about men and penis size so image what a group of boys can be like in a changing room.

I would pull him out of the trip. Take him on a family trip and focus on the treatment. I would let the consultants know how it is affecting your son mentally.

I have two boys who both went through normal puberty. I never appreciated how tough it is for them and it is generally ignored or laughed at. We take it for granted that our sons develop normally as it isn’t as easy to monitor as delayed periods starting.

you sound like a wonderful mother.

Thank you HQ, those posts from Kerry were not in the spirit, glad they have gone.

Good that you have decided to not send him. Poor kid, all that stress just for a school trip.
There are other ways for him to gain confidence and resilience.

Since he didn’t want to go YANBU for pulling him, it’s probably for the best

But I do agree with PP that you might need to be doing more to actively support him on this as from your posts it seems like you’re just waiting for medical support, which can unfortunately take a long time, he will need help building coping strategies and to develop some form of resilience before then.

You’ve said he is a sensitive child, has he always been this way? If so this might not be 100% linked with his delayed puberty and could be something else

My son has delayed puberty its quite common in our family. At 15 was still wearing size 11-12 clothes despite being born on the 90th percentile for both height and weight as a baby. There was family excitement when he finally needed to wear deodrant after he turned 15.
But crying was not something that has been part of his late development although to be fair everyone is different.
I think your son is having emotional regulation issues. Please google inattentive ADHD and see if that applies. We have a lot of ADHD in our family and the general community wrongly assumes having ADHD means you are someone running around like a crazy thing - and this can be ADHD but many of us ADHDers just have hyperactive minds - we over think things. And we also have problems with emotional regulation and low self esteem. We can also find being in groups of people harder because it causes us sensory overload and can be quite draining (we have to work harder to read body language).
I think you need to be guided by him on this trip as you seem to be doing but as a parent with a child with an anxiety disorder, I agree with others that it would be good for his self confidence to experience this and develop coping mechanisms. If he pulls out of this trip he might struggle to have the confidence to go on other trips.

@Tryingformore1 we are doing other things. He’s having some life coaching at school and is starting a confidence building sports course in January. A lot of the issues didn’t surface until it was clear that he wasn’t starting puberty like his friends

That’s brilliant, and it’s great he is able to join in with sports, which can often be great for building resilience and developing stronger friendships with peers!

Another PP mentioned it, but this delayed puberty and the impact it’s making on him emotionally could also be something some counselling could support, it’s never nice to feel different, especially if the differences are physical and noticeable - having someone to talk to about those feelings could also help with the emotional regulation

This is the best thing I've ever read on mumsnet 💐

Bit of a risk given all the testing and quarantining that will almost certainly be going on by then. Mind, might build him up as is your wish - or break him completely.......

If there was an adult going that I trusted to support him I'd let him go. Or at least plan for him to go and see what happens on the day of departure. It will build his confidence to be challenged as long as he is supported