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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In thinking that he might break up with me

83 replies

badabingbada · 29/12/2022 20:22

NC'd from regular user name, also posted here for traffic as I'm panicking and need responses.

I have a DP of three years, whom I love very much. He lives mostly with me and my DS and has given notice on his rental property that he'll be moving out from in March (his landlord hasn't found tenants- friends with them so know this- which leaves it open to changing if things went that way). DP and I had a lovely Christmas, however we met up with his (adult) children, which in general was lovely, however I had a conversation with one of his DC which made me uncomfortable. I brought it up tonight and he's really annoyed at me, saying I should've kept it private/in confidence. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything, but it was concerning him and it was different to what he'd told me, hence I brought it up. The whole conversation was less than a minute long and now he's really annoyed at me, as I said for 'breaking their trust' by telling him. I don't tell him most conversations I have with his DC, however I did this specific one as it directly contradicted something he told me. He's really annoyed that I'd tell him anything they told me in a private conversation. I have anxiety, so I catastrophise everything in my mind, but I'm worried he's going to break up with me over this. We're meant to have a weekend away tomorrow and I'm now worried he'll be so annoyed, that it won't go ahead. I've apologised to no avail. He's really annoyed/upset. AIBU in thinking that he might be considering breaking up? He seems so annoyed, I'm panicking so much as I understand that it was a private conversation and maybe I have fucked up massively? The reason I brought it up at all was that I didn't even understand why they brought it up, it seemed very random.

OP posts:

lifter · 30/12/2022 06:24

I can't believe the thing you're worried about is "will he leave" rather than "why did he lie". OP, he's got you exactly where he wants you. I really really wouldn't move in with him if I were you.

autienotnaughty · 30/12/2022 06:33

Op the concern is tff heat his reaction says he's not a nice man. You say he's lovely 'most of the time' it depends what he's like when he's not lovely. If he's making you sad and anxious then you have to assume that it will get worse over time. When a person loses their temper they are showing you their true colours you don't deserve to be shouted at, you haven't done anything wrong. Think carefully if you want to be with a man who makes you feel bad like this.

isthismylifenow · 30/12/2022 06:33

He's not going to break up with you OP. He's on to a good thing with you. You are providing him with a nice new home, get on with his children, and up until now have not seemed to have challenged him on much.

But now you've caught him out in a lie. And look how he is reacting, by turning it all around on you.

Have a think about if there have been other situations where he may have been doing this all along, but you swept it away as a small thing here and there.

I think you need some space from him for a while to think this over. Can you suggest that he not visit you for a next while while you process this , and then this puts the ball in your court. His reaction to this will also give you an idea of your future together.

Try not to call him and do not apologize any more. You have done nothing wrong to apologize for. I can't state this enough.

You see someone's true colours when they are being challenged OP.

RedHelenB · 30/12/2022 06:49

badabingbada · 29/12/2022 21:36

Can I ask, how would other posters have reacted if their DP did the way mine did? Most of the replies imply that it's not 'normal' DP behaviour.

Honestly, depends on the " lie" and what exactly happened and was said And whether your anxiety makes you hard work, going on and on about things.

Poppyblush · 30/12/2022 08:07

Don’t let him move in with you!

Andsoforth · 30/12/2022 08:38

Your anxious thoughts centre on the fear that he would break up with you.

Is there anything, any part of your life, that would be a little bit better if he did?

Even just a tiny thing, like not having to duvet wrestle, or being able to eat all the biscuits?

Anxiety is like a swirling, formless thing, and finding one ironic thought like this, helps you find your still centre inside the tornado.

RiverSkater · 30/12/2022 12:29

Is is like him saying he left a job and he was in fact sacked ?
Or he broke up with ex partner but she left him because of his behaviour....

Is it an issue which he thinks would make him look bad?

If he breaks up with you over such a thing then really it's not a relationship worth savouring. You seem
Very anxious over this man which isn't healthy either. You can't live your life like this.

Stop apologising. You have and he won't accept it because he's been caught out on a lie and taking it out on you do you don't focus in the lie.

Do not live with this man.

Vallmo47 · 30/12/2022 22:12

I hope you’re feeling better today Op.

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