Is your DH the same? Guest prep

[Leothebear]

Every single time we are prepping the house for guests, here the things my DH thinks are absolutely essential and starts to do tirelessly:

Clean the toilet? NO
Prep the food? NO
Dust? Hell NO

Clean the kitchen drawer no one will open? HERE WE ARE
Reorganize the file cabinet? SURE THING
Vacuum the garage? YES YES YES

Is my DH the only one? And Why???

No, my DH is not like this, nor would I find it amusing if he was.

Yup at mine it's always the pile of post that he's tucked away in the cupboard under the stairs. Takes it all out and sorts it date wise then starts filing, which means that room is always last to be cleaned and readied for guests.
Manages his multiple work responsibilities fine without forgetting anything but remind him that the cake board is not for slicing tomatoes on results in a shouting match about why I shouldn't leave it within arm's reach if he's not supposed to use it. There's plenty of plastic chopping boards to use, the one good quality wooden one is the one DD uses for her cakes and dry desserts never for wet foods or meat

My DH doesn't do this any more because I have zero patience with this kind of ridiculous fucking about from a professional intelligent man who project manages for a living and who I therefore know can prioritise. A few times of getting his arse handed to him and he sorted himself out and is now genuinely useful.

My DH always "tidies" the bit between the edge of the sofa and the wall (a gap measuring four inches) because he claims I never do it.
Er yes. That'll be because there's nothing there and nobody sees it anyway.

He also likes to tidy up his medicine drawer.
Because all our guests will notice that as soon as they enter the house, won't they.

Nope! My guy is more likely than me to do these things! I'm lucky and I know it.

Yup, years ago, going to a wedding (his friends) and he decided that it was vitally important to change the socket covers.

Party last year, perfect time to clean the under the sink cupboard.

But he’s not useless generally, does the food shop every week and any jobs that need doing really plus all the DIY - I’m the useless one really!

He is far from lazy, I just don’t get it!

Oh my god, YES. Priorities?! 🤷🏻‍♀️🤯

I love him to death , but after nearly 40 years of the same old bollock reasoning he regurgitates for not having completed a simple task, i admit defeat and give up …. So what if the radiator valves are leaking , guttering needs attention or a myriad of other problems, I’ve taken that leaf from his book, fk it worry less 💁

This. But instead of toenails, mine wees. If I ask him to do anything, ANYTHING urgent he absolutely has got to wee this very second. It doesn’t matter if he just went or not. It doesn’t matter if he knew in advance what time we had to leave, he does this every single time without fail. I genuinely don’t understand it. I think it’s a head-clearing, getting ready kind of ritual for him or something. At first it actually concerned me because it was happening so often, and I pressed him to get a check up in case he was pre-diabetic (his dad is diabetic and DH is at risk, so it’s a legitimate concern). He got checked. He wasn’t. Has been doing it for years. Now I just tell him we are leaving two minutes earlier. Works for us.

One day I’m going to divorce my husband over this exact same issue!

🤣

This is so true!

Me - heavily pregnant and trying to get things ready for ds1's birthday party that afternoon
DH - decides to dismantle the only toilet and paint the bathroom.

My DH likes to wait until I've immaculately cleaned one of our bathrooms (normally because we have guests coming) to decide that the time is ripe for trimming his beard, cue hair everywhere. Always says that he will clean up after himself, but never returns it to its previous condition. Drives me nuts.

This is brilliant! My DH is the same. Admittedly he's very handy round the house but the minute we have guests coming, he decides to:

• Clean the shed/garage/car
• paint a window sill
• change a plug
• Clean the outside of the windows and/or guttering

Oh fuck, yes.
Guests arriving in thirty minutes? Exactly the right time to clear out a random cupboard/drawer/the top of the kitchen units, first removing all the things he believes are making the target untidy, and leaving them out for me to tidy away. What the hell is the thought process?

My DH needed to fix my DS's curtain about 1 minute before the school run.
He also needs to vacuum the car for guest prep.

Why is it? Do they genuinely think they're being helpful? I can't work it out 😩

Every. Single. Time.

Though he now does the actual real tidying in plenty of time, then makes himself flustered and late by running around washing the utility room floor and sweeping up leaves (in the winter when no-one will be going outside) but it's only himself he's stressing out now, so I leave him to it.

OMG, I thought it was just my husband! He spend most of Christmas Eve washing the car (it’s winter and we live rurally, so it’s already filthy again). Then on Christmas Day, just before my parents arrived, he tried to get me to tidy the kitchen junk drawer and the food cupboard. I told him in no uncertain terms that I would not be rearranging any drawers or cupboards on christmas day!

Of course they don’t think they’re being helpful. They do it quite consciously and deliberately to avoid having to actually help.

It’s not funny or cute, nor a mystery. They do it because they can get away with it, because everyone throughout their whole life from childhood through teenagehood through adulthood, has given them a penis pass.

DH always has a to do list ( that he can’t possibly share) but it only ever seems to be to go to the tip as an observer.

On Christmas Eve he cleaned the guest bathroom small sink and then had a nap.

We have guests arriving tomorrow and he just told me we have much to do. I asked what…

”go to the tip first thing!”

I asked him to buy chicken as well tomorrow. He looked a little shook up.

However, when his work colleagues come over he cleans everywhere!!!!!!

In this category my Dh the King of Weaponised incompetence

he should be after a lifetime of practise...

he is good at other things

Mine does this.
The day DD2 was born, I am trying to get dinner sorted for DD1 MIL, FIL and DM as they were staying (live 9 hours away).
It was a Webber roast that DH normally presides over and I had counted on him doing so I could pack hospital bag etc.
DH went to Bunnings with in laws to get some annual seedlings to plant, then proceeded to plant them.
He is also guilty of going for a s$*t when everyone is in the car and ready to go.

The garden mystery. Why does the grass need cutting, hedge trimmer. It's going to be raining 🐱 and 🐶 gusting 60 KPH. No-one is going into the sodding garden.

I've deep cleaned the bathroom the day before but have to say to the men get in the shower, get out of the bathroom and stay out. So I can dry it out and wipe around after them.

His saving grace is he does all the cooking while I do the house work. That way we're out of each others hair.