For staying in bed all day at 9 months pregnant?

[Yoyooo]

I am currently 40+2 with painful piles and SPD.

Somehow we moved house yesterday so it's a bit of a mess with boxes but not too bad. I have a 5 year old pretty much keeping himself to himself with the help of his toys and an iPad, and my husband and mother in law are sorting out the unpacking.

Upstairs is done so I have it ready for when baby makes their appearance.

Yesterday I felt really good so managed to do a lot of organising etc but today I am shattered and in a bit of pain, I put some clothes away this morning but other than that I have been in bed.

DH says he is fine with that but I have had a few comments like 'you were fine yesterday now you're miserable' etc. and I have asked for a drink when unable to move because of the pain and had to get it myself. Basically I can tell when DH is unhappy, but he is saying he is fine.

Should I pull myself out of bed and do some bits even to show I am trying? I feel guilty hearing them doing everything downstairs whilst I am just lying here.

Just about every heavily pregnant woman I have ever known finds the last few weeks difficult. If it is not swollen feet, baby pressing on nerves, piles, lack of sleep or just difficulty in getting comfortable, so although not an illness or disability it is very debilitating. @CornflakeKerry can you not appreciate this?

Exactly. Last few weeks are brutal. I've never heard a pregnant woman say otherwise tbh!

Starting to wonder whether @CornflakeKerry has had any children herself...

LTB. I’m kidding, you need to wait until you’re back on your feet to do that 😉 Seriously though, rest up - 9 months pregnant is hard and I found my 2nd pregnancy a lot more hard going. He’s being an arse because he’s probably tired himself but it’s no excuse.

The OP has said she is in pain. Its wierd you think you know the OPs pain better than she does

@CornflakeKerry It's weird that you think everyone with SPD CAN function. The OP has literally said that she is in too much pain to get out of bed and sit upright in a dining chair (the only seat available) and you have claimed she should just pop a paracetamol and help out. What a ridiculous thing to suggest that, as she helped yesterday, she must be ok today. Are you really incapable of grasping that pain levels can be variable, and can particularly spike after a full day of activity? I'm not even talking about SPD here. Just any ailment. It's not rocket science.

Op, YANBU, hope you get a good rest.

cornflakeKerry I hope you are not any sort of manager at work because if you treat any of your pregnant employees like this you are breaking health and safety legislation. Pregnancy does not meet the definition for disability but it does for pregnancy (unsurprisingly!) and the rules around pregnant workers are even more stringent than for disabled workers, not least because it impacts on the developing baby. There are work situations where you are required to send pregnant workers home on full pay until maternity leave starts due to risk to them. In any case the HSE say at minimum:

You should make sure pregnant workers and new mothers are not:

sitting or standing for long periods
lifting or carrying heavy loads
using a workstation that causes posture issues

As for ‘pop a couple of paracetamol’. Paracetamol is considered the safest painkiller in pregnancy but there are still concerns. So the advice is take the lowest dose for the shortest period. Taking them because your DH want you to be sociable or because you might have to wait a few days to unpack a box is not sufficient reason.

Bloody hell, I was the same had to crawl about due to the hip/lower back pain (DD was almost 10lbs).

Stay in bed and rest! Look after yourself and good luck x

If you felt fine yesterday and feel awful today, you've either done too much or may even be in early stages of labour. Stay in bed if that's what you need to do, the last few weeks of pregnancy are awful. I wish my ex let me rest, trying to push through at his insistence made me feel so unwell.

I'm actually autistic Kerry which is yes classified as a disability but doesn't inherently make me tired. But a day of stressful activity - moving house is right up there as one of the most stressful things we can do - is absolutely enough to wipe me out. OP is perfectly entitled to do what she likes. I hope insulting her and many of us has made you feel better today.

Yes it is unreasonable because he is not pregnant and has no idea how the OP is feeling - neither do you for that matter. Hope that helps. Good for you doing your clubercise but many people are unable to. Sounds like you’re the one stuck in the 80s.

@CornflakeKerry you do realise that even today in modern times there are women who die during childbirth? A friend of mine nearly died. She had moved house in late stage of pregnancy and felt like she had pushed herself too hard.

Pregnancy is not an illness or a disease but it does carry risks and takes its toll on your body.

Anyone who is pregnant needs to listen to their body and if they need to rest, they should rest and not feel guilty.

The advice to SPD specifically states avoid going up and down stairs unnecessarily. The ONLY reason it doesn’t count as a disability in equality law is because to count it must be expected to last longer than 12 months. In all other respects it is a disability.

Why employment law is relevant is that it shows that legally pregnant women are not considered the same as other women as you seem to think they should be. They are recognised as a special category that cannot be expected to ‘continue as normal’. Why do you think this would trigger early maternity leave if you also thInk OP should be able to operate as though not pregnant?

Gosh OP rest up!! You don’t want to be going into labour feeling sore and tired! Too bad hubby is being a grump about it. I’m sure your MIL can emphasise with you.

I was 33 weeks pregnant last Xmas and spent most of my time lying on the couch or in bed and I kept telling everyone baby was going to come soon. They all laughed it up but guess who made an appearance at 34 weeks….!!

Just to add she nearly died from haemorrhaging and life saving surgery and being in icu is what saved her. She had a very long recovery before she even looked well again.

So someone, for example, on an office job who has been deemed medically unable to sit at a desk and work at a computer so has been put on early maternity leave can have the exact same condition as a woman you are expecting to be moving around, unpacking boxes and sitting on uncomfortable chairs?

Because I'm thinking if I was suffering from a painful condition that made it impossible for me to work, popping a couple of painkillers and unpacking might not be the first thing on my list to do

But why would it need to if they can carry on as normal as you seem to think?

Ok, I think we can all establish that, because this absurd poster who has derailed the post claims to have had a breezy pregnancy, they are fundamentally unwilling or unable to accept that it isn't the same for poor OP, who should just stop whining and get on with it.
It also seems they are getting a thrill from the arguing and we all know what those types are called.
So, I'm no longer engaging with it, recommend no one else does either.

OP, hope DP has stopped being a dick and brought you a nice up of tea.

Actual she isn’t just “carrying” a whole fucking human, she is single handidly growing one. Part of reason her pelvis has pulled apart is the damage that, and preparation for the birth process, is doing to her body.
lwts stop using that passive old term “carrying” a baby- she growing one

@fatsocatso Well said and very true.

@Yoyooo Take it easy and rest. Look after yourself. Don’t push yourself too hard.

I hope your husband changes his attitude and shows you a bit more empathy and support.

Have you had any treatment for your spd like physiotherapy? I’ve heard that it can relieve pain.

With both of mine, I too had a day where I had neverending energy, it came out of nowhere and I ended up cleaning, tidying and organising practically everything. The next day I felt like you do today OP, then the following day labour started, so no, I don't blame you for staying in bed! They arrived at 39 and almost 39 weeks too, so I can only imagine the discomfort being over 40 weeks. 😬