Stag/Hen Night Annoyance... sorry, long.

[FreeRangeOrNowt]

Sorry this is going to be long.

Dh is going to be best-man this summer, and is now in discussion with his friend about the stag-do. His friend wants to go to Bratislava for 4 days. Aside from the fact that this now means that dh will be going to goodness knows where in Eastern Europe (anyone else seen the film Hostel? ) for 4 days ? I am really ticked off at the expense of it all. Flights and accommodation alone will be about £150, then meals, and inevitably drink, then there?s the activities (karting etc) ? so the whole thing is likely to cost about £400.

Ok? so you might be thinking, it?s not that much money. But I just don?t understand this obsession with foreign and numerous night stag/hen dos??

On top of that we will be going to the wedding, which is more expense, two nights in a hotel, gift. And now the bride is texting me to confirm if I can make her hen weekend in Italy I dislike having to explain my financial situation when I say ?I can?t really confirm dates for your hen do until I know the cost of it?

We are not on the breadline, or anything ? but I just feel really aggrieved that we are having to spend all this £ just because of other people, and it is going to affect the holiday that we have for us.

AIBU to let this irritate me? Should I just think, to hell with money, we?ll spend now and worry later? Because I don?t want people to think I am up-tight, but I think that other people?s financial situation should be considered. When did it become so fashionable to go on holiday before getting married?

it does sound completely over the top

all i can think of is to say somethting like - id love to but it depends on how much it is going to cost - and see what she says

what does your dp say about it all?

it seems unfair if the blokes get to go and you dont - maybe you both go or both dont iyswim?

YANBU I think it's ludicrous to spend so much money on a stag/hen do. Why can't people have a night out locally??

I am very careful with money and quite a practial person so NO WAY (whether I could afford it or not) would I spend so much money.

What the hell is in Bratislava anyway? .

YANBU. This is their big day, and they want to make it special, but not everyone wants to shell out a fortune to make someone else's wedding a big deal.

You could, as you say, just go for it, and just make do with days out or whatever for your family hol. Or you are honest with your freinds, and say 'I'd love to come, but I really can't afford it'. (Which means the same as 'I really don't want to afford it')

You do sound, btw, a bit resentful of DH going swanning off & pissing it up for four days, out of your sight. But I agree with you - whatever happened to a raucuous night at the pub? My hen night, a long time ago, was everyone out for a pizza!

I find the whole thing a little OTT too. Even hen do's in the UK can leave you out of pocket.

I went to one in a converted barn, which was beautiful, but I've never seen soooo much food and wine consumed in 48 hours.

Whilst I am not that much of a skin flint to suggest splitting the bill, it bumped the already expensive accomodation into something akin to going abroad for a few days! And I was sharing a room with two other people!

YANBU

Unless the groom is paying for his guests he shouldn't be insisting on anyone going on an expensive binge. And even if he were planning to pay he shouldn't assume people have the time to spend 4 days with him.

Some people are under the misapprehension that getting married gives them the right to spend other people's money and make enormous demands of their time.

The only thing you can do is refuse to take part in the silliness.

YANBU

Sounds like after the hen and stag dos, then the wedding itself, you won't have much change out of a grand.

Say you can't afford the stag and hen dos, but get them a nice present.

It's all a tad bridezilla and groomonster for me.

They sound fucking insane.

Dh's mate is having a stag do for a week in Ibiza - I have told him he can go for 2 days

I think each to their own but people shouldn't 'expect' friends to go abroad for stag/hen parties and tbh I don't think most friends would - they aren't really friends if they can't respect your decisions for not going. Speaking from experience.

I have told the bride that I can't confirm anything until I have the cost - but ultimately I guess I am just putting off the inevitable of not going. Which is a shame, because a night out would be good fun. Or a day at a spa would be much-needed

dh and I had a bit of a tiff about it, because although he doesn't really want to spend that money, he says it is not his choice, and as best-man he can't really not go. Which I can't really argue with

I am not angry at dh, but at his twat of a friend. It's so typical of his friend - who loves all the blokey nonsense

Minkvelvet, you don't sound boring to me - normal, more like

Shaniece, this might give you an idea
TACKY??

I forgot to add - I am not against any type of party abroad

Sounds seedy to me OP? I'm glad it's not my DH going, although the way I feel about him right now I wouldn't care if he did go (he has just annoyed me big time).

Tearinghairout, oh, this is the thing, I don't want to come across as up-tight. Because I genuinely don't have an issue with dh being "out of my sight" for 4 days - if they were doing a city break in the UK with a minibus as transport and cheap B&B for board I and it was going to cost £200 TOPS then I would not be bothered.
It's just that I want a nice holiday this year, and we don't have a bottomless pit of money.

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Thanks ladies. I feel sane again

I agree, YANBU. These days it seems to cost £1000 min to attend a wedding.

When we got married, I had a meal out with some close friends at a local restaurant.

My DH had two, yes two!! stag nights. One in Barcelona and one at home. WTF.

It's a man thing.

My hen night is in Derbyshire.... we're hiring 2 cottages and it's costing £40 each (there are 12 of us)

Wouldn't expect everyone to fork out more than £200 on me... that's just not fair!

YANBU

I think it is all a bit over the top - what happened to a night down the local? I have just had to say no to a friends hen weekend because it was going to cost about £300 - I just told her that I couldn't afford to attend the hen weekend and the wedding and I'd rather be at the wedding.

Incidentally I had a hen 'weekend' but it was in a log cabin www.sac.ac.uk/consultancy/wigwams/lodgeinfo/and cost us a tenner each per night and we brought all our food and drink so cheaper than a night at the pub really!

auntyspan & schneebly - your hen nights sound really good & reasonably priced - it's more realistic yeah???

This wedding business is completely out of control, wtf are these people on?

I'd just say sorry, we can't make either stag or hen does but would love to come to the wedding, thanks.

This turns into some people who are getting married prioritising about SIX days of your time and about £4k of your cash, it's insane.

You're not unreasonable.

When DD was newborn DP's friends were getting married. They had their stag abroad and the wedding in Scotland.

We had to pay for the stag do flights, hotel and his expenses. And flights to the wedding, taxis, hotels etc... At the time we were v.short of cash and personally I didn't want to go at all but you know us women do these things.

It was a complete nightmare. DP went to stag do and two years later found out they'd been having sex with pros while there. (great)

At wedding he left me and DD and let me get on with it, I knew no one. I had to go back to the hotel in the dark and haul DD's stuff, buggy and her up two flights of stairs while DP was getting pissed with his mates.

Needless to say the relationship has never been the same since.

Say bo**ks to the stag/hen do.