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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask whether to take my son to party -bereavement related

86 replies

FishersGate · 29/12/2022 05:09

My DH has just been called to hospital as MILs death I think is imminent. This was not unexpected she is pallative.

My DS has a friends birthday party some distance away which means I won't get back till about 2pm tomorrow.

Obviously I need to carry on as normal for DS and that is my instinct but I want to be of support to DH too. He only has SIL there they don't have any other family.

Do I carry on and take DS to the party?

OP posts:
VioletLemon · 29/12/2022 14:05

What age is your DS. If he's old enough to visit and say goodbye that might be best. Or let him know what's happening and give him choice about party, as he may feel bad later on finding out what happened. If he's v young just take him to party.

Confusion101 · 29/12/2022 14:34

@VioletLemon RTFT. Child is 6 and they are gone to the party!

Original poster
FishersGate · 29/12/2022 14:35

watchfulwishes · 29/12/2022 12:29

really important the children also learn life has to carry on
Hmm, be cautious with this - actually life shouldn't just 'carry on' as if nothing is happening when someone we love is dying - the wartime obsession with 'carrying on' is quite a psychologically toxic approach that was necessary when living under the blitz but not helpful for normal life - children need to learn how to care for themselves when they go through bereavements later in life and the way to help them learn this is to model care not denial.

Teaching children how to adapt and adjust to the different events in life is a positive model.

Show quote history

No one is suggesting we ignore what is happening but equally them staying in and not seeing any thing or anyone isn't normal either. I lost my parents at a very low young age and it hasn't made me not care or feel hence this post

OP posts:
Original poster
FishersGate · 29/12/2022 14:36

We did go and DH has come home for a bit as he is also unwell. Mil is still talking occasionally and drinking but mostly sleeping so perhaps there is still longevity for some hours.

OP posts:
Wombat100 · 29/12/2022 14:38

I wouldn’t go to the party; your son is only 6, he will get to go to other parties but your husband won’t be saying goodbye to his mum again. I’ve just lost a parent and would really urge you to be there for him. All the best x

Wombat100 · 29/12/2022 14:38

Whoops sorry I just read your update - ignore my last post.

PumpkinDart · 29/12/2022 14:41

Love to you and your family OP, I hope your MIL has a peaceful passing.

Mumdiva99 · 29/12/2022 15:31

I'm glad you got your answer which you and DH were happy with. I really hope her passing is as peaceful as it can be. Sorry you are having a tough time.
We lost my nanny on NYE/Day a few years ago now and it's a tough time of year.

Original poster
FishersGate · 29/12/2022 17:13

PumpkinDart · 29/12/2022 14:41

Love to you and your family OP, I hope your MIL has a peaceful passing.

Thank you appreciate that

OP posts:
Original poster
FishersGate · 29/12/2022 17:13

Mumdiva99 · 29/12/2022 15:31

I'm glad you got your answer which you and DH were happy with. I really hope her passing is as peaceful as it can be. Sorry you are having a tough time.
We lost my nanny on NYE/Day a few years ago now and it's a tough time of year.

Sorry for your loss and thank you

OP posts:
purplethings · 29/12/2022 19:32

How near the end is she. In my experience of accompanying a relatives death it's surprising how many days the body can cling on for.

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