To not want to hear about people’s dreams

[Catcherintherice]

I am not sure if it’s just me as some people seem genuinely interested.

I don’t mean bad or scary dreams that children or adults might need to talk through as they were upsetting. I am not that mean.

I also don’t mind a brief idea of what might have been an amusing element.

I just don’t want to hear a blow by blow account of each stage of a dream. To me it’s a bit like being told the full list and conclusion of a child’s game of consequences. Many dreams seem just as random.

DH seems to have frequent complex dreams. He will make statements, eg ‘I was cooking baked beans on a camping stove in the Brecon Beacons’ and I will ask when he went there, and he will say ‘ in a dream last night’

Anyway things came to a bit of a head today. We have both been home a lot, and maybe the rich food has been increasing the intensity of his dreams, but I have had enough hearing about them.

When he came bowling into the kitchen this morning as I was unloading the dishwasher and said ‘ oh, I just don’t know where to start with my dreams today’ I fairly unsubtly replied ‘ how about the end’?

He has had the hump all day and says I am unsupportive and should be interested.

I am interested in things he has done which have actually happened, but I just can’t work up any enthusiasm about often illogical dreams.

AIBU?

Haha I did laugh at that comeback op. Poor dh.

But I do actually enjoy hearing about dreams and I actually had some crazy ones last night after eating a cheeseboard with DH.

I would get annoyed if they were spoken about a lot.
I only talk about really obscure or frightening ones which don't happen often

YANBU. Who wants to hear about someone’s dream? The only thing that’s more boring is when someone insists on telling you all about a film/ series they watched, last night, that you have absolutely no interest in.

Great answer though 😂

I’m not mixing it up at all. I think both concepts are utterly normal and reasonable things to chat to a partner about. To me ‘oh I had a dream last night, xyz happened’ is hardly an out there and shocking or horribly inappropriate conversation starter with your spouse or partner.

Does she heck! She sounds perfectly normal to me. Other people's dreams are massively boring and i always find it quite self indulgence when people want to describe them to you in detail.
The gnome in Ben and Holly even jokes about other people's dreams being boring. If the gnome in a cartoon said it - FACTS!

I frequently dream really vivid, random and sometimes violent dreams but don't tend to share them with DH although last night I dreamed I was cuddling a bat and it was really cute! 😁But YANBU.

The problem is, some people are incapable of summarising. There’s a world of difference between “lLast night I dreamt Britney Spears was trying to sell me a second hand car” and “I was down town in that new car showroom, and I had just looked at a Skoda when …” Snore.

@Kanaloa listening to someone recounting inane mind wandering is not in anyway the same as listening to someone's daytime concerns. If they say they have a daytime concern which is resulting in them having bad dreams then I'll listen to what they need to say about their daytime concerns.

I quite enjoy talking about dreams and listening to other people's. I only find it irritating if they get really earnest about psychoanalyzing them, or, worse, treat them as prophecy.

He’s not learnt dream etiquette which is that it’s very boring to share your dreams.

google it, there are quite a few articles and even quote from authors about how boring others dreams are.

He needs to understand that it’s a bit much!

But equally OP perhaps you need to get out of the house and see some other people. Sounds like you’ve maxed out on DH and need a change of scene.

It's only like when people bang on about their children or grandchilren. I'd much rather listen to a dream. Buy him a notebook and tell him to keep a dream diary.

It’s still hardly abnormal to describe a dream you had to your spouse.

But, as was my actual point, if op is this harsh I’m sure she won’t mind if it’s reciprocal. He may find listening to her talk about what book she’s reading quite boring, in which case he’d now be in a good position to tell her he isn’t interested and doesn’t want to hear about her interests/concerns/thoughts any more. In normal relationships we accept listening to others talking about things we aren’t necessarily interested in sometimes with the understanding that they’ll also listen to us about things that might not interest them.

It’s not just you, although I am shocked that 28% have voted YABU! I read your post to my dh who thought it was hilarious as if anyone in this house attempts to tell him their dream he just says I don’t care, please stop. It’s a running joke. He, like you, will help calm the kids if they’re distressed during the night - but will still not listen to the actual run down of the dream. I’m with you op, it’s really boring and I LOVE your reaction. I can’t believe he didn’t respect your wit! A strop is OTT and saying you are unsupportive is just ridiculous. It’s not real!

@ShadowoftheFall you've nailed it there! Same with real life stories mind, but at least they actually happened so it’s slightly less of a waste of time listening.

Bores are people who witter on about some shit their brain made up for hours on end. No one cares.

There have been some very amusing replies.

I am pleased that my views are shared by a gnome, Joseph’s family, and Adrian Mole’s Mother.

I also love some of the ideas about assigning DH tasks whilst he recounts his dreams, or trying to analyse what he is saying, or even making up my own.

To those people who are concerned that I don’t listen to him, I can assure you that I do.

This might be a bit outing but he has many interests, one of which is in old engines, including stationary engines. I manage to listen to long accounts of stripping them down and replacing/adjusting them, and even ask the odd question.

He watches video clips of all sorts of engineering, and he frequently draws my attention to these, and I look up from my reading or whatever I am doing to observe and comment.

I know what book he is currently reading, and could at least outline the plot.

He tells me far more things about his day than I tell him, and I am happy for him to do so.

I prefer to live in the real world, however, and just don’t want to hear long, drawn out accounts of his mind’s nocturnal ramblings.

I don’t mind him telling me he dreamed about riding from Lands End to John O Groats on a unicycle which turned into a dragon, but I draw the line at being told about every telegraph pole and and dragon feeding post on the way.

We are both working tomorrow, so will have real things to talk about when we get home.

Yanbu, listening to people talk about their dreams is extremely tedious. They always want you to be so shocked and amused…. total nonsense.

I'm with you OP! This is one of my pet peeves. I usually try to curtail the story by asking "so what happened at the end". One time OH noticed I was staring off into the distance and said "Oh, I'm boring you" and I didn't bother to deny it!

Both my partner and I have extremely vivid dream lives. We only ever share those we find amusing or baffling.

Recently, I've shared the affair I had with Boris Johnson <puke> and he's shared the <entirely imaginary> winning lottery numbers with me. (Yes, we did put them on! lol)

Most recently, so vivid was my dream, I called my cousin to ask if she'd called me in error, at 4:00am, looking to book a taxi to the airport. I even knew where she was headed - Rome! When she stopped laughing, she confirmed she had made no such call and, sadly, wouldn't be heading to Rorme any time soon.

It's a weird old thing the subconscious, but it's best only shared on a limited basis and with those who will appreciate it, imo.

I am pleased that my views are shared by a gnome, Joseph’s family, and Adrian Mole’s Mother

Are these real friends or people you have dreamed about?

I absolutely love other people's dreams! I find them fascinating and hilarious.

I cannot abide listening to other people's dreams. I don't know why but it is one of the most intensely dull things ever.

If it can be done in about 6 words with no follow up chat required then I'll accommodate it but other than that, you're on your own.

DH and I might mention our dreams to each other if they’ve been particularly ridiculous or unsettling, but not give blow by blow accounts.

Totally agree! Dreams and birth stories are both dull!

Perhaps your DH needs a psychoanalyst who will be interested 🤣

Buy him a 'dream journal' to keep by his bed. He can process his dreams by writing them down rather than talking about them. And one day he might read through the book and realise it's really not very interesting.