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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be utterly fucked off about DS’ car

67 replies

Thecaristheproblem · 28/12/2022 12:28

Fuck off daily mail and other journos

DS is 17 and in sixth form doing a levels. DS is a very insecure person and always looks for ways to raise his “social status” amongst his peers. DS passed his test earlier this year. He was absolutely desperate for a car. Me and DH are not rich and for years have always been a one car family - because of the cost of running two and me and DH can manage just fine. I frequently bike or walk to work which is fine by me but I don’t have use of the car that often as DH works away and I work locally. When DS passed his test it was may this year when it was abundantly clear that we were entering a cost of living crisis and petrol was going to massively increase. DS was practically begging for a car and DH wanted to help him buy one. To me this was just a ridiculous vanity project and I don’t see a reason why a teenager still in education needs a car. It would be one thing if we were rich but we really aren’t. In the end I reluctantly agreed and me and DH took out a small loan to buy a fourth hand fiesta from a private seller on the condition DS payed for all the upkeep and insurance.

Fast forward to today and it is clear that there are several things wrong with the car, with the MOT being in January. DS has mocks in January but has spent almost the entire Christmas holiday working in his zero hour contract job, meaning he’s done virtually no revision. DS is also always pestering us for petrol money as he simply can’t afford it because work often dries up with his job. DS is also absolutely insufferable to his friends about the car (he’s the only one in his group who can drive) and always lauds the “power” of having it over them which means a lot of his mates are getting pissed off with him. I just know the MOT is going to be more than DS can afford leaving us with the option of either scrapping the car or us severely stretching our finances to pay up the cost.

I’m utterly pissed off at DH for bouncing us into paying for it and DS for asking. I wish we’d never bought it. Aibu to be utterly fucked off about the car

OP posts:
UsingChangeofName · 28/12/2022 12:40

Not really sure how to vote as AWBU to have bought it in the first place.
I'm not surprised you are annoyed about the expense, but driving / owning / running your first car is the responsibility of the driver, not their parents.
If someone is adult enough to drive, they are old enough to understand the economics of that.
If it is so important to him to have a car then he should have the drive to have worked through the holidays, and saved up enough for the car, the insurance, the running costs and maintenance.

Everyone's circumstances are different. If you are very rural and chuffed not to have to drive your dc everywhere anymore, so it benefitted you, or if you had spare money set aside or whatever, then fine, but taking out a loan for a car (and not sure where the insurance is in this?) when he doesn't have the income to be able to run it, seems a strange choice to me.

Y7drama · 28/12/2022 12:41

I’d be annoyed too, but how did you expect him to pay for it (particularly extortionate insurance) without working a lot?

DifferentYearSameShit · 28/12/2022 12:42

Your son is old enough to get a job and study too perhaps he needs that so he can afford to run the car

madnessitellyou · 28/12/2022 12:43

Hmm.

I can't work out if this annoyance is due to cost (cars cost!) or the fact your "one car household", which you make sound like some sort of weird badge of honour, has been threatened...

This is a lesson for all of you tbh. He wants a car he's going to have to earn more. You need to support him in learning this life lesson.

Floralnomad · 28/12/2022 12:45

When it fails it’s MOT just SORN it until he can afford to fix it .

HowVeryBizarre · 28/12/2022 12:47

I’m fascinated as to why you think your family drama about a teenager and his car might be newsworthy.

Badleg87 · 28/12/2022 12:47

Floralnomad · 28/12/2022 12:45

When it fails it’s MOT just SORN it until he can afford to fix it .

This! Leave it sitting until he can afford it

StrawberryWater · 28/12/2022 12:51

HowVeryBizarre · 28/12/2022 12:47

I’m fascinated as to why you think your family drama about a teenager and his car might be newsworthy.

They’ll print any old rubbish.

Dartmoorcheffy · 28/12/2022 12:51

If he's been working so much that he's had no time to revise then his wages should pay for any mot work that needs doing. His car, his responsibility to maintain it.

Cwcwbird · 28/12/2022 12:52

Just don't waste any more money on it. He wanted the car, he can deal with the mot. If it ends up scrapped you should get a bit of money to go towards the loan.

Clymene · 28/12/2022 12:52

Floralnomad · 28/12/2022 12:45

When it fails it’s MOT just SORN it until he can afford to fix it .

You're assuming the OP has the luxury of off road parking.

Clymene · 28/12/2022 12:53

And no I wouldn't bail him out financially. He isn't going to learn if you swoop in and save him

StrawberryWater · 28/12/2022 12:54

Op, you might have taken out a loan for the car but the day to day running is not your responsibility. It’s the responsibility of the driver.

Stop giving him petrol money, don’t pay for repairs and don’t finance the MOT. Sit him down and tell him that going forward you will not give him any more money towards it and if he can’t afford repairs he’s going to have to get a SORN until he can afford it.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 28/12/2022 12:55

No one in this scenario can afford the car, which largely seems to be an unnecessary status symbol. Being able to drive, and having access to a car, do not automatically go together.

Sounds like your DS's studies, finances and friendships are all suffering because of this car. If it's going to fail it's MOT, it's probably best of being sold.

Daddydog · 28/12/2022 12:56

While there may be things wrong with it - it may still scrape it's MOT. As you bought the car you hold the keys to it's usage - so use it as a carrot for his revision. Does his school work, gets his keys. Works his job, pays for money petrol and repairs. Fails at either and you stick it on Autotrader. It may just help him be very motivated with his school work as he doesn't want to loose his status with his chums.

Purplecatshopaholic · 28/12/2022 12:57

Well you have done it now, but you don’t have to keep compounding the issue. If the car needs money spent on it that’s for your son to pay for - or the car has to go. Cars are expensive - to own, and to run particularly if you are young. Maybe this is a life lesson for him..

Brefugee · 28/12/2022 12:59

But you pay for the MOT right, and then based on pass or fail you decide if it's worth getting it fixed up for a re-test.

TBH you and your DH have been more than a bit daft in taking out the loan and then not protecting your investment. You knew DS wouldn't be able to afford it, but went ahead anyway. So now you have to decide if you want to cut your losses and sell the car for scrap if it fails MOT, put it through MOT and hope to recoup most of the costs and outstanding loan repayments by selling it, or you put it through MOT and expect (the triumph of hope against experience) that your DS will grow up and take more care of it.

Personally? I'd probably go for the first or second of those. Or I'd get it through MOT and use it myself with DS as a car share (but not pay for any petrol for him, and get money up front if he uses it with any petrol in it). But that would be purely to keep his car-insurance ball rolling in the hope that some day his premiums will come down.

Weath · 28/12/2022 12:59

To me this was just a ridiculous vanity project and I don’t see a reason why a teenager still in education needs a car

This seems like a daft statement! Does he ONLY go to school? Does he not use it for work? Socialising? Even school instead of walking/public transport? You could say why do a lot of us need cars. We probably don't, we just choose to have them instead of the above.

I feel like you've agreed, and now are using it against him. Either agree, or don't agree. He wasn't to know things were going to go wrong with it so soon. But it's not on you to fund it, if he can't pay or afford it it stays on the drive until he can?

AreOttersJustWetCats · 28/12/2022 12:59

StrawberryWater · 28/12/2022 12:54

Op, you might have taken out a loan for the car but the day to day running is not your responsibility. It’s the responsibility of the driver.

Stop giving him petrol money, don’t pay for repairs and don’t finance the MOT. Sit him down and tell him that going forward you will not give him any more money towards it and if he can’t afford repairs he’s going to have to get a SORN until he can afford it.

Yes, this is the only way forward. I'd also be having a chat about the fact that he appears to think he can buy friendship/use money to boost his status and show off. Those aren't great beliefs to have as he enters adulthood.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 28/12/2022 13:00

I got my first car when I was 19. It was about 13 years old. I had two bar jobs and a weekend shop job as well as going to uni. I paid for everything to do with running the car. Mum and dad bought the car on the understanding I would pay for the upkeep. I never asked them for anything towards the upkeep because I knew what the answer would be.
If he can't afford the MOT despite working so many hours that he can't study then sorn the car if you have space or scrap it if you don't. A valuable lesson will be learned. Bank of mum and dad is closed

AreOttersJustWetCats · 28/12/2022 13:02

you and your DH have been more than a bit daft in taking out the loan and then not protecting your investment

A car isn't an investment. Unless you're talking about a vintage/classic car, they depreciate with age and with wear and tear.

AreOttersJustWetCats · 28/12/2022 13:03

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 28/12/2022 12:55

No one in this scenario can afford the car, which largely seems to be an unnecessary status symbol. Being able to drive, and having access to a car, do not automatically go together.

Sounds like your DS's studies, finances and friendships are all suffering because of this car. If it's going to fail it's MOT, it's probably best of being sold.

Yes, you can sell it as it js with not much time before the MOT. You won't get much, but that's life. At least it won't be using any more of your money.

Kanaloa · 28/12/2022 13:04

I don’t see the point of opening with all the ‘fuck off daily mail’ nonsense. They’re not going to read that and sheepishly run off, it just comes off a bit melodramatic.

Either way, you have the car on the provision that he paid for the upkeep. If he can’t do so tell him he’ll have to SORN it while saving up for the MOT. The obnoxiousness over the car and lack of revision for exams are different issues really.

Ellie1015 · 28/12/2022 13:06

Kanaloa · 28/12/2022 13:04

I don’t see the point of opening with all the ‘fuck off daily mail’ nonsense. They’re not going to read that and sheepishly run off, it just comes off a bit melodramatic.

Either way, you have the car on the provision that he paid for the upkeep. If he can’t do so tell him he’ll have to SORN it while saving up for the MOT. The obnoxiousness over the car and lack of revision for exams are different issues really.

I think they are less likely to direct people to a thread saying that so it may help a little.

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 28/12/2022 13:07

As an ex fe lecturer all i would suggest is leave him to it. Let him learn that his choices have consequences and his pockets are not limitless.

He fails his mocks and his car fails it's MOT. He and your DH learn a valuable lesson about priorities.