to resent being give a' to do' or 'fetch and carrry' list by dh and my two sons whenever I come in?

[tigermoth]

Is is just me? Is the fact that I live in a male household making things worse?

It seems like every single time I come home after work, or enter the sitting room after having a bath/going on the computer, I immediately get given a list of tasks and reminders while the person making the request remains seated and relaxed.

These can be blatant requests ie 'can you get me a glass of water to the more veiled ones - ie 'have you phoned "" yet?'

I have tried to explain to dh, ds 13 and ds8 that I am not here to sort out everyone's life. I usually refuse point blank to run errands that ds1 is capable of doing (like getting his mobile phone from his bedroom) but I still don't think the message has sunk in - it is irritating just being asked all the time.

It would just be so nice to be greeted with something that isn't a request for a change - as my sons are growing up, they should surely be getting more independent? Dh is not the worse of the three, and as he has a physically tiring job I don't mind running around a bit for him. But what with that and me being the person who does all the home admin, I am feeling swamped!

AIBU?

I think you need to say loudly and with your dh saying it too that you don't mind helping your dh out (and say why) but your not doing it for the two boys.

Your dh really needs to say this as from the outside it looks like he is modelling bad behaviour - I understand why you're doing it but the boys may not

God no, YANBU, tigermoth!

This sounds like an extension of that Guardian article (there is a thread on it somewhere) about even SAHDs not being capable of organising their children's social lives etc - and your DSs are catching it from their dad!

Do they run errands for you?

This is the thread

NO! Don't accept it. I can't bear this list business that some husbands and children seem to do.

Tell them to make a list. Tell them to cross off when they do it.

My DS nearly 7 tried this on a few times, I replied............

The "S" on my back is for sexy, not for slave. He soon got the message.

"Do I have the words Domestic Slave tattooed across my forehead ?" was my snippy response yesterday after one request too many...

Glass of water? Mobile phone? < thud >

Do they not have full use of their legs??

Stop doing anything for them!!! Feign deafness is needs be. They'll soon get the message.

It's the sheer fact they think it's ok to ask me! Even when they know it's 90% likely I'll say 'no'. Ds1 (13) is the worst.

I do want to be helpful when it I have the time and inclination, and yes, dh, and my sons do various tasks in the house - quite a lot of the cooking for instance. dh is fairly good at tidying up as he likes things neat himself.

It's the deluge of requests that I find particularly irritating. The scattergun effect - everyone just asking in the vague hope I might say yes.

I have skim read that thread wendy - but have just been called away!!

Opt for 100% "no" until you feel they can be trusted with a little kindness again!

I know exactly how you feel! My boys are a lot younger and I was hoping they would grow out of it (they are 7 and 4). Maybe not then!

It is just one request after another - can I have a drink, wheres this, wheres that, I can't find any clothes (try looking in the wardrobe), I can't do this, can you get me that. No let up at all, sometimes. OK some of it they can't do as they are too small - get a drink for example as they can't do the tap. Some of it is not being bothered to put the effort in, like looking for things.

Thankfully DH is pretty good at taking care of himself but he doesn't try and stop them from their constant demands and I think I really need him to back me up a bit and say, 'do it yourself boys' or else it is just mum having a moan again!

YANBU!

I have 3 girls and they don't ask me to do things all the time. Dh doesn't do this either.
The only time I am asked to phone someone for them or to sort something out. Is when I am available and they are just not able to.
YANBU

Your sons are more than old enough to do things for themselves. At age eight I would never have asked my mum to do something that I could easily do myself.

Perhaps I've read your post wrong, but it sounds like you're allowing yourself to be a doormat if you cave in to their demands. If you keep running around after them, then they will think (or choose to believe) that you don't mind.

Wear an iPod always. With the volume up.
If any of them show signs of sunken eyes, black tongues etc, this is a sign of dehydration. Point to tap. Turn iPod higher.

And remember, "I want, never gets".

Blimey are you nuts?!

'Have you lost the use of your legs?' would be my response.

I find 'bog off, dearest child' works quite well .

Make a list of things that need to be done (empty dishwasher/tidy bedroom/washing up/hoover/change lightbulb), it needs to be quite long. When asked to do something reel off the list and say "Which one of those do you want to do while I'm doing X for you?" There will inevitably be a refusal to do any of them, then you can point out that you are just about to start on that very long list of tasks and they are sitting on their arses.

Then cut the plug off the TV.

When they say "can I have a drink", sit yourself down next to them (or in between them and the tv if possible) and say "ooh yes please, great idea, lets have a drink, while you're up getting yours I'd like a cup of tea please thats milk and no sugar ooh and maybe a biscuit thank you for offering dear" aaaaand smile.

I wouldn't even respond to the request in any way shape or form - ignore completly and pretend selective deafness.

Trying to reason with any of them or trying to explain isn't going to work. Not responding will sink in because it just doesn't work for them then. Why even bother wasting your breath or getting into an argument about it.

They will soon get bored of asking and being ignored and instead either ask someone else or do it themselves - result.

YANBU.

I would draw a map of how to get to the kitchen and mark in which the cups/glasses are kept, where juices are kept and where the tap is. On the reverse i would list down charges for you getting them whatever.

Give each person one and tell them that all charges come into force with immediate effect .

"Do it yourself, I'm not your damn slave."

Simple and effective.

This one is easy. I would simply sit down and say 'where is my g&t'. An alternative would be say loudly 'what did your last slave die of?'.

Seriously though sounds like your boys are seeing what you do for your DH and expect to get the same treatment. You need to nip this in the bud now otherwise it will get out of hand and imagine how awful it will be for your future daughter in laws!

This one is easy. I would simply sit down and say 'where is my g&t'. An alternative would be say loudly 'what did your last slave die of?'.

Seriously though sounds like your boys are seeing what you do for your DH and expect to get the same treatment. You need to nip this in the bud now otherwise it will get out of hand and imagine how awful it will be for your future daughter in laws!

I think the OP will be delighted to have her two sons off her hands and that someone else will be treating them like little emperors