Does it sound like DS is autistic?

[AnxietyIsMyShadow]

Hi, probably wrong place to post but desperate for advice. I’m really worried about DS (3 next month) and would appreciate it if anyone could offer advice as to whether it sounds as though I need to be looking into an ASD referral for him please.

speech - he knows what everything around him is (if I ask him he will say “it’s a helicopter mum” for example) or if I ask him to point to the door etc he will. Most of his speech is repetitive phrases however, he will say the same things over and over again and when asked a question will answer in the same way each time “do you want a banana?” “I want a banana mum, I want a banana” no variation on this, never “yes please” or “yum a banana” etc

he knows his name, but I could say his name 100 times and he won’t respond.

if I ask him questions he often replies using the words I’ve used “let’s put your coat on” he will say “put coat on” sometimes says “ok mum” in response. eye contact is variable - sometimes he looks at me when interacting, or to see my reaction to something, whereas sometimes I feel like I’m desperately trying to get him to look at me.

socially - has a 6yr old sister who he loves and likes to play with, if we are at the playground etc with her and her friends he likes to join in chase games etc. has no fear of climbing things etc, not at nursery yet but take him to toddler classes where he varies between being very sweet with other children (doesn’t make a fuss if someone takes his ball etc) and if someone’s crying will comment to me “someone’s crying”, recognises emotions such as “daddy’s angry!” etc, not bothered by loud noises, to being totally uninterested and just doing his own thing running around, doesn’t talk to any of the kids there although to be fair I don’t see them all chatting away to each other either. With adults it’s totally different - he is massively overfamiliar with adult men he doesn’t know and will run up to them saying hello daddy (??? Even if they look nothing like his dad) and trying to cuddle them/tap them on the leg/rugby tackle them, doesn’t do this to women at all and actually got really upset when a female friend of mine he doesn’t know well picked him up recently to help him onto a bouncy castle.

Intelligent - can count past 100, knows the alphabet and colours/shapes, knows a few songs which he sings regularly.

doesn’t seem to have the fixation with spinning things I’ve read is common but does do things obsessively and repeatedly- lining up toys, puzzles, plays with things the same way every time. On TV will only want to watch the same programmes and has a routine of asking for one, waiting for me to put it on them asking for the next one, I can guarantee he will do this every time we we turn the TV on.
trying to encourage pretend play as this isn’t something he does without encouragement. So if I ask him “let’s put dolly to bed” he will do it and say “dolly’s in bed!” But he wouldn’t pretend to feed his toys by himself if you see what I mean.

sleep is a nightmare - almost 3 and never once slept through the night, wakes regularly, always up very early every single day (average is 4.30am), obsessive about being breastfed and any attempts to wean him are met with absolute fury.

my daughter unbelievably never tantrummed, so when DS has meltdowns I don’t know if it’s typical toddler unreasonable behaviour or if something else is going on, particularly as the meltdowns occur if you try to interrupt something he is doing or if something is unexpected- he loves to visit every aisle in order in the supermarket and if I try to skip an aisle he will literally be kicking and screaming because we have missed a number.

Does this sound like he is autistic? Any advice welcome, Thankyou xx

I would try and get a referral but get ready for a wait. My 4 year old boy never had a meltdown until 2 months ago and it's was because he didn't understand I was taking him to the car instead of going back to school after we'd been to the park. He was in a such a state I was shocked and needed to lie down myself when I got home.

There are some red flags that would suggest a referral for assessment in your post. You mention he isn't at nursery but if the health visitor can't or doesn't offer good support it may be worth enrolling him into a nursery as the experienced staff members will be able to tell quite quickly if he needs a referral and should be able to get an EHCP started along side any referrals to OH/SALT etc.

*Have no idea why you'd think he's autistic?!

He sounds like a very normal curious little boy*

To be honest, this is what I thought when I read the OP's post. However, clearly I'm in the minority. Your child sounds a lot like my 2 year old. Nursery haven't raised any issues at all and say he's doing brilliantly. I even specifically asked them if they can see any signs of autism, as my older son (4) stims and may be autistic, but they said there's nothing that points that way.

If I were you I'd try and get him into a nursery and see what they think. It's a vicious cycle - he's clingy because doesn't go to nursery, but he doesn't go to nursery because he's clingy. A good nursery will settle him in slowly and gently. My sons have been in nursery since they were tiny, but when we relocated and they changed nursery they have lots of little, short settling-in sessions to help them get used to it.

Sounds very similar to my son at that age. He was diagnosed at 4 years old. Definitely pursue an assessment, it's better to get a professionals opinion plus assessment can be a couple of years now so the earlier the better in case he needs support at school. My ds is 7 now and very awesome. Your son is still your son regardless of a diagnosis.

It depends on the kid. Mine was hyperlexic and I had the most amazing and detailed conversations with them from very young. Like, toddlerhood when most kids only have a handful of words. There's no blanket characteristics.

As for making friends, they can. Often they might be drawn to fellow non-NT people. Some autistic people are very social.

Tell them autism is genetic and it came from somewhere. If a child is autistic, you've got to look at the parents too. And the grandparents.

Hi OP, it sounds like he may have some autistic traits - although if he is autistic it sounds to me like he would be on the high-functioning/Asperger’s end of the spectrum.

I would get him seen but try not to worry too much in the meantime. My DS was diagnosed at 19 months and at age 3 was behind where you describe your son to be. His speech was mainly phrase speech and echolalia - for example, I would say, “Hi Tom” (not his real name) and he would say “Hi Tom” back to me (rather than “Hi Mum”). He had little understanding of anything much, pretty much no eye contact, would swing doors backwards and forwards incessantly whilst making a stimming noise, very little in the way of “shared attention” and was in his own little world most of the time.

He’s now 10, middle of his class at a mainstream school, has some friends, is into all the usual things 10 year old boys are, loves football and is not bad at it, is pretty laid back and chats away. Apart from being a little quirky, you probably wouldn’t notice anything much amiss if you met him.

Of course, “if you’ve met one child with autism then you’ve met one child with autism”, and there are plenty of children with autism who have a much trickier time than my DS. But I remember writing a post similar to yours when my son was little and being desperate to hear of stories of children with autism who were doing OK - so I thought I’d share mine.

The road to diagnosis on the NHS is very long and they don’t make it easy. If you can afford it, I would go private for your own peace of mind. We saw Daphne Keen in London who is one of the best, and she is particularly known for diagnosing children who are on the high-functioning end, which it sounds like your DS might be.

Hi @AnxietyIsMyShadow was just reading your post with interest. If you're still here and feel like responding, how are things with your little one now? Have a just turned 3 year old I'm having some concerns about myself.