To be worried for the woman living in the flat above me

[refuge123]

I live in a flat. About an hour ago, in the early hours of morning I could hear a man aggresively yelling at a woman in a foreign language, and the woman crying and screaming in response in terror, with banging. They have a baby, who rarely cries. I phoned 999 who attended, but because the tenants didnt answer the door, there was nothing they could do. Ive been told to phone back if it starts again and that ive done the right thing. They took my details and left.

if you’re the police how do you know the OP isn’t just some interfering fantasist? It’s sad, but there is a limit to what the police can do in these situations.

There is indeed a limit.
But......in your case, this 'old biddy' wasn't to know you were having a slight disagreement and how middle class and respectable you are.
What if it'd been an intruder, who was assaulting you, and she'd called the police? Would you still have called her interfering? Would you rather she left you alone to be assaulted? How was SHE to know????
And in the case of the neighbours in this particular post, how do you know whether or not they're already known to police? Maybe they did make contact - it's possible as the OP is downstairs and may have missed this.

You definitely did the right thing by calling police. Years ago I lived in a flat with my ex and one night he got drunk and battered me completely out of the blue. He would have killed me if I hadn't managed to run out of the flat half naked and barefoot. I know for a fact that several neighbours heard and no one called the police or tried to help me in any way. I wouldn't hesitate to call them in your situation. If it's nothing, then no harm done. But if it is domestic violence/abuse then you could potentially save someone's life.

You did the right thing and I hope that woman is ok. I’d suggest going over to ask her if she’s ok once the man leaves, but it’s tricky as you don’t want them to know it was you who reported it in case he reacts angrily. Also yes couples argues, BUT screaming and shouting while one is crying or even throwing things around is NOT normal or healthy. Especially with a baby around.

Oh apologies yeah you're right I made that up. I've only been dealing with calls like that for over 20 years

Situations are assessed on the basis of the information given. Your neighbour lied & made the situation sound worse than it was but there was clearly something wrong in your flat because there was water leaking from it. For all they knew the shouting & banging could have been someone falling & shouting for help.

They wouldn't have come out for the water alone, if they'd come out purely for the shouting & banging & got no reply they'd have left like they did in the OPs situation. Add in both factors in your neighbours call & it increases the possibility of something having happened
& they'd err on the side of caution incase someone was now lying unconscious beside the bath etc

In the OP they had one single report of a disturbance. No sign of it when they got there. Can you imagine the outcry if someone posted on here that Police had smashed their door in at 3am terrifying them & their children because a neighbour whos a known fantasist & busybody had called to report a disturbance in your house when in actual fact you'd all been asleep for hours.

Its all about looking at what you know & assessing it accordingly

Bloody hell that was longer than I meant it to be

You did absolutely the right thing OP And it was both brave and caring of you

If we're playing longevity upmanship, we've been together since 1980 and still haven't had a single blazing row. Healthy conflict isn't necessarily shouting and throwing things you know.

@refuge123 you definitely did the right thing. I hope they come back today and manage to speak to her. Well done for being brave enough to get involved.

The police battered my dd’s flat door down when someone reported violent shouting coming from their flat. No one was home and it was the middle of the day.

Years ago I heard lots of shouting and banging from the flat above mine. I could only hear a woman's voice, but I still called the police. Similar situation, the woman didn't open the door.

Police knocked on my door after and said they wouldn't do any further checks, but to call if it happened again. I moved soon after so don't know if it did ever occur again.

In your situation, I'd not hesitate if it happens again though. I prefer to let the police responders decide whether it's worth a visit or not.

@Swimmingistoocold

You can't really think that shouting and throwing stuff around is a healthy way of interacting with a partner?

It's almost worse if you've been together for so many years as having that level of blazing row over some paint, despite sharing a life for nearly three decades, really doesn't make it sound like a healthy relationship in any way.

No decent counsellor would say that screaming and shouting and throwing stuff is a healthy way to disagree.

Surprised you don't seem to believe that.

@Swimmingistoocold

Are you a counsellor?
Please stop speaking on behalf of the whole profession and speaking utter bullshit while you're at it.
Counsellors look at each client as an individual, there are very few sweeping judgements or assumptions made so your previous comments about 'all counsellors' are untrue.

I'm shocked to find that middle class professional people don't have heated arguments. I had no idea.

Swimmingistoocold · Today 06:57
Don’t you think you’re wasting police time though? Every couple has raised voice arguments. It’s healthy.“

No they don’t and no it isn’t. It’s quite possible for adults to disagree and resolve without resorting to screaming and shouting.

@NewBootsAndRanty babies that rarely cry can be a sign of neglect/ abuse. As they learn that if they cry, no one comes or have been hurt if they do cry. Obviously not in all cases, some babies just are quiet babies with no other issues.

Was about to say the same. That is not normal!

This. Arguments are healthy, one person (especially a man) screaming abuse at another is not. You did the right thing OP. I’m very sorry about your sister 💐😢

I thought the same.

You did absolutely the right thing OP. I have done it myself when living in a flat. 2am on new year and there was the most hideous noise from the flat above. He was shouting, she was screaming in absolute terror and it sounded like furniture was being tipped over. He was an objectionable man in any circumstances but there was no way I could listen to that. The police were there in minutes (hand break turn in the carpark) and frankly the knock at the door brooked no argument.

I have no idea what the outcome was but it all went terribly quiet after. I hope that the woman was able to relax a tiny amount knowing that someone in the block was looking out for her.

I hope you are ok now, OP. It’s a horrible thing to have to deal with.

Do you know if she has family locally OP? Is she on Facebook? If you genuinely feel you heard her screaming in terror and the police are politely knocking on her door I'd be trying to find someone else.

This comes from someone who has close knowledge of police politely knocking on a door and returning multiple times, while she lay dead and covered in blood.

I agree OP you did the right thing.
I hope that the woman and baby are ok.

I lived in a block of flats once, and was horrified when the nosy old biddy in the flat below called the police when my husband and I were having a row. It was just shouting, and throwing things around. She was being malicious and totally ridiculous. We are a middle class, respectable professional couple having an old fashioned argument about what colour to paint the walls. We were both more livid with the biddy than each other afterwards

Christ Almighty, you'd have fitted in perfectly in the block of flats I used to live in when I was 19. As the scummy couple who needed the police calling because they were fucking fighting again.

They came back out but the people living in the flat still didnt answer. I could see they spoke to neighbouring flats who did answer. Not sure what the details of the conversation was though.

Police probably checking if anyone else heard a disturbance and if anyone has seen them today.

Have you heard any normal moving about/conversation noises from above through the day OP?
I once had similar with a neighbouring flat, and it is unsettling - the police came, but there was little they could do.

Assuming that she is OK, make a point of speaking to the woman when you next see her, in case she is feeling isolated.
Good luck, I hope it was a one off.

That's interesting. I think if I ever hear anything like this (and hopefully I won't) my first thought will be to try to record it while calling the police.