To be worried for the woman living in the flat above me

[refuge123]

I live in a flat. About an hour ago, in the early hours of morning I could hear a man aggresively yelling at a woman in a foreign language, and the woman crying and screaming in response in terror, with banging. They have a baby, who rarely cries. I phoned 999 who attended, but because the tenants didnt answer the door, there was nothing they could do. Ive been told to phone back if it starts again and that ive done the right thing. They took my details and left.

Never had a blazing row? Never? I think you’ll find most counsellors will tell you the occasional blazing row is a sign of a healthy relationship. We’ve been married for 27 years now.

@Swimmingistoocold Nope not at all. There's no need to shout and scream at each other, it's in no way constructive and in no way healthy. We communicate by talking when we have calmed down. Although it is incredibly rare that there are disagreements to be honest.

Blazing rows are not healthy in the slightest.

You did absolutely the right thing OP. Do they often have fights like this?
I know the police can't go randomly kicking doors down but the woman could be dead!

Do they own or rent? Could you contact the landlord if they do rent?

A counsellor would disagree. If you are arguing to put your view across in a passionate manner and your partner responds in a similarly passionate fashion, voices can be raised and this is indeed healthy. What is unhealthy is if the rowing is vindictive and hostile. Or if one or both of the parties don’t say what they are thinking at all in fear of causing a row, letting resentment build.

Swimmingistoocold do you have kids present when you're having one of your (not) totally normal arguments?

Who are all these counsellors you know would disagree? I (and many people I know) have had long healthy, happy marriages without these blazing rows.

And would these councillors agree that throwing things around is healthy? Honestly my children behave better

@Swimmingistoocold I would consider shouting at someone and throwing things to be pretty hostile and violent. I disagree that it is healthy. I've been in both non-abusive and abusive relationships and there is no shouting and screaming within healthy ones.

Counsellors have their own opinions and each tend to say different things.

Don't hate on the woman who called the police on you though, she was probably quite frightened to be honest. I would be if I could hear all that going on around me, it's not at all pleasant to someone who doesn't like aggression and violence.

OP you completely did the right thing reporting it, I've done similar in the past when I've heard a woman screaming in terror while her husband was shouting at her. Her scream sounded like she was in pain, it was awful.

Why would a couple married 27 years shout and throw things about over their wall colour? Surely you can’t be bothered to even discuss it let alone have a difference of opinion on the topic.
a long marriage means you know full well the wall will need painting in 5 years time again and in the unlikely event you do have an opinion that differs then you take choosing the colour in turns ( or the painter gets first dibs)

I honestly couldn't be bothered to be in a marriage that had blazing rows over paint. It's too draining and way too much effort. Life is too short for that crap.

I lived in a block of flats once, and was horrified when the nosy old biddy in the flat below called the police when my husband and I were having a row. It was just shouting, and throwing things around. She was being malicious and totally ridiculous. We are a middle class, respectable professional couple having an old fashioned argument about what colour to paint the walls. We were both more livid with the biddy than each other afterwards.

How can you call yourselves a respectable couple if your neighbour has to endure listening to you screaming and throwing things at each other? Maybe your neighbour didn't call the police because she was worried about either of you but because you are neighbours from hell.

Absolute tosh. I was OUT so my flat was empty and the people downstairs could see a little water dripping through their ceiling from a small leak that had appeared in my bathroom. Instead of calling the letting agent, they called the police. Police said they weren't going to come out for a leak, there had to be 'threat to life'. I've heard the transcript, and they suddenly changed their story to one similar to the OP (oh I heard a man shouting and lots of banging, I'm so worried!).

I got back less than 2 hours later to find my door forced and broken, my belongings thrown everywhere where they'd tried to find the stopcock and the police looking sheepish.

I have no idea why they left after doing nothing in this instance.

You did the right thing and at the end of the day it's not in your control what people do. Follow the polices advice and hope for the best.

Perhaps when you see the man leaving, quickly knock on their door and ask the lady if she is threatened in any way or needs help.

You did the right thing @refuge123. I hope mother and baby are safe. Maybe if you see them out of the flat and can safely speak to the mother, she will know there is someone friendly in the building.

I wish my sister's neighbours had called the police when they heard a professional, middle class couple arguing loudly and throwing things around ...... then maybe she'd still be alive.

They didn't and instead my nephew found her body the morning after.

Loud shouty arguments are not normal
Throwing things around when arguing is not normal
Domestic violence happens to professional, middle class people too.

The most ignorant post ever. Clearly you are not that 'respectable' if you have to shout and scream and throw things around because you disagree on some paint 😅. That is really not normal

Shouting at each other and throwing things over a wall paint colour is probably worse than whatever may be transpiring with OP's neighbours. Theirs could be about something actually serious. What do you do then if the argument is over something serious - slap each other around in a 'totally normal way, ofcourse'?

Being a "middle class, professional and respectable couple" has nothing to do with any of it and for all we know, the OP and her neighbours are middle class, professional and respectable too.

OP you did the right thing by ringing the police; I truly hope the woman is okay. Better safe than sorry.

my husband and I were having a row. It was just shouting, and throwing things around. She was being malicious and totally ridiculous. We are a middle class, respectable professional couple
Over a paint colour! Middle class or nursery class?!

I'm so sorry to hear about your sister @yadaya

Thank you x

@Swimmingistoocold most couples do not shout at each other and they certainly don’t throw things. DH and I have been together 20+ years and never shouted or thrown things. I’m sorry you haven’t experienced a healthy relationship yet.

OP you did what you could, it’s awfully bad luck that it was silent when the police arrived. I hope she and the baby are ok. 😢

''@Swimmingistoocold
I lived in a block of flats once, and was horrified when the nosy old biddy in the flat below called the police when my husband and I were having a row. It was just shouting, and throwing things around. She was being malicious and totally ridiculous. We are a middle class, respectable professional couple having an old fashioned argument about what colour to paint the walls. We were both more livid with the biddy than each other afterwards.''

What a lot of nonsense...the neighbour did the right thing. There is no way to tell if this was an argument that would not get physical or whether someone was being hurt and threatened so calling the police was the right thing to do.

You are displaying a lot of snobbery as well for implying that ''middle class, respectable professional'' people somehow cannot possibly be abusive behind close doors.

Frankly, you should have apologised to your neighbour for thinking it was OK to scream and shout and throw things around like two adult toddlers and disturb and alarm your neighbours in the process.

And you are showing further disrespect by calling her a ''nosy old biddy''...

@Swimmingistoocold so if you've been together that long you must atleast be in your 40s, if not 50s+ and you think it's acceptable to scream and throw things around during a petty argument?

All your talk about a counseller finding it normal, maybe you should go see one?

OP, you did the right thing by calling. Ring back on 101 if you still have concerns today and ask them to do a welfare check :)