Gutted - visitor smoking in bedroom

[Millie1977]

Posting for support, had a very busy Christmas with various relatives visiting.

The current one smokes, and we can smell it coming down the stairs. My husband has been in and asked if he is smoking in house and said no must be his coat.

It stinks. We have a asthmatic son and visitor is in spare room where all my clothes are kept.

I am gutted someone would be so disrespectful in a non smokers home.

AIBU or do I need to wind it in?

I would ask them to leave - seriously, it's disgusting when you don't smoke.

I am a smoker and I would never, EVER, EVER in a million years do this - YANBU. That is awful. I would be asking them to leave if I’m honest. When I’m staying at someone else’s house, I try very hard to limit the amount of cigarettes I smoke OUTSIDE the house so I don’t smell when I come back inside - I wouldn’t dream of smoking INSIDE!

I personally could not be bothered by something like this. But if you are you either need to throw him out as he'll continue to do it and will not stop because of a stern telling off, or you just need to suck it up and wind it in. They are your two choices.

Who is this guest and how long are they staying?

so rude.

I went NC with XMIL over her smoking in our spare room. She caused complete chaos when we confronted her about it. She was awful in so many ways.

It's so disrespectful.

How bizarre to think it would be acceptable to smoke inside these days! Extremely rude.

Put the coat outside in a bin bag or the visitors car if he has one , then if you continue to smell it he has to leave . In future don’t invite him to stay , disgusting habit .

Yuk. I couldn't stand that in my house nobody has ever smoked indoors in the 30 plus years I have lived here. Very very rude.i think I would speak with them and ask them to leave if they can't restrain themselves from smoking

I'd ask them to leave. Not only does the second hand smoke cause cancer for you all including your child, it triggers asthma attacks. Your child's health comes first.

I’m a smoker but that’s plain rude!!! I wouldn’t dream of behaving that way, most normal people wouldn’t.

Actually I’d be shitty if someone smoked in my home too!

Has he been outside? If not he's definitely smoking inside. You can't throw them out on an assumption though. You non smokers can pick it up on clothing pretty easily.

Chuck him out of the house! I'm a smoker but don't smoke indoors in my own house - always go outside. Honestly I would throw the CF out right now. If you cannot face that then tell him to piss off first thing in the morning. Even when I smoked indoors (1990's) wouldn't have done it in the bedroom ever 😡

They would be out my front door. Wouldn’t be tolerating that bullshit in my own home then to have them lie about it.

Yep, get rid. You might have to catch them at it first.

I had the same problem a few years ago when I took a homeless young family member in. The only free room we had was my child’s toy room. We stuck a bed in there for her and provided furniture but had to leave the toys there as at that time had nowhere else to put them. She smoked in there (we don’t.).

She would smoke during the night when she thought we will all asleep but I could smell it from my bedroom. I reminded her several times not to smoke indoors and why. Another family member caught her one day and I found cigarettes in her bedroom bin, ash all over the windowsill. I had to be very, very firm with her before she would stop and I ended up checking every day for evidence. I threw her out when she started being abusive to my toddler. She’s pregnant now so god help her own child.

I would be upset
and would tell them directly to not smoke in the house as you can smell it

personally wouldn’t be asking them to leave or get too upset but I’m quite laid back

I lived with a smoker who smoked outside, a lot. There’s absolutely no denying the awful stench when someone is smoking inside. It’s unmistakable, even if they are smoking “out of a window.”

The stench of smoke can stay in furniture, that’s so gross. I’d tell them to leave.

Your poor child!! Smoking inside is pretty shitty. It's a far shot from your toddler being abused!!

Who are they ?

Why haven't you told them to leave ?

I smoke. I would never dream of it in someone's house. I'd be pissed
Off too.

Does it not set off your smoke detectors?

I'd be raging. Disrespectful.

As an ex - smoker who never smoked in non-smokers’ homes, that’s pretty disrespectful. It does smell and it lingers on clothes and furnishings. Make it clear to your guest that your son’s health comes first and that he should smoke outside or leave.

I would never accept this from a ‘regular’ guest. But my father did this repeatedly to me.

He more or less ignored all my no smoking bans. Please smoke outside Dad - he’d spark up in the kitchen, near the door (I am outside! He’d say). Please don’t smoke in the car with the baby. Popped to a shop and left my baby in the car with him. I was a quick trip because they didn’t have the book I was looking for and sure enough, dad was smoking (Christmas time, -20 and no window opened).

My dad was old school and the old saying you can’t teach an old dog new tricks was applicable to him. Tbh, I let it go. I picked my battles. Absolutely no smoking near the children etc etc but I let it go because it was my dad and I loved him and I chose to ignore that smoking was more important to him than any of us.

But anyone else - they can fuck right off. So OP who is the guest?

That is really disrespectful, it would really upset me. I leant someone my car and specifically told them not to smoke, it came back stinking so I totally understand. I would remind them again not to smoke, and maybe cut the trip short