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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gutted - visitor smoking in bedroom

73 replies

Millie1977 · 27/12/2022 23:47

Posting for support, had a very busy Christmas with various relatives visiting.

The current one smokes, and we can smell it coming down the stairs. My husband has been in and asked if he is smoking in house and said no must be his coat.

It stinks. We have a asthmatic son and visitor is in spare room where all my clothes are kept.

I am gutted someone would be so disrespectful in a non smokers home.

AIBU or do I need to wind it in?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 28/12/2022 01:01

There isn't a word for how angry I would be. My in-laws smoke and my husband doesn't allow them to smoke anywhere on our property, that's how much my husband hates cigarette smoke. They would be out the fucking door. Don't be a doormat, get rid of them.

Original poster
Millie1977 · 28/12/2022 05:37

Thank you for your messages.

They have left early this morning for a flight so have my house back to just us for a few hours until the next lot of family arrive later today.

I am tired and emotional as been entertaining guests for over a week now and really need a break and feel
some have taken the pee. Just sitting around while I have slaved away cooking and cleaning up after them
all. Last 24 hours of guests then feet up for a week.

Our smoke alarms haven’t gone off, so I don’t know if it was just clothing or smoking out of the window. But I have already been in and thrown all windows open and having bedding in on a hot wash. Now am off back to bed after a sleepless night feeling very disrespected. Last time they get invited to stay!

OP posts:
NumberTheory · 28/12/2022 06:11

Cigarettes shouldn’t set off normal, domestic smoke alarms so I don’t think that tells you anything.

Glad they’ve gone, hope the new guests are better behaved.

Tiani4 · 28/12/2022 06:16

Don't invite that person again. Next time you send them contact details of local travel lodge and they can pay for & stay there. "No you're a smoker" is your reply if they ask to stay again

Please learn from this, having guests is exhausting - don't invite visitors after visitors to stay with you again. 3 days of visitors is enough for anyone

ColonelRhubarbBikini · 28/12/2022 06:20

How utterly vile of them. I was a smoker for many years and I still really enjoy standing with someone who’s smoking so I’m not some holier than thou born again ex smoker but I’d be appalled if someone smoked in my house.

Just a thought but what can smell absolutely vile is if you smoke some of a cigarette then scratch it out and store it back in the packet or in a coat pocket or something. Absolutely reeks something chronic. It could maybe be that instead of active smoking? Still awfully disrespectful mind.

sashh · 28/12/2022 06:28

Not acceptable. It's totally disrespectful and I'd have kicked them out. Smokers don't know how badly it smells.

I once gave a neighbour's granddaughter a lift.

When I got back I told neighbour I could smell weed on her granddaughter's coat. I know she didn't smoke in front of her grandchildren but the coats were stored just outside the living room.

Summer2424 · 28/12/2022 06:30

YANBU at all! Hope he leaves asap x

rainbowstardrops · 28/12/2022 08:02

I can't stand the smell of smoke but I suppose it's possible that it was residual smells or indeed they were smoking out of the window though.
On a separate note, why on earth are you running yourself into the ground hosting so many different people within hours of each other?! You're a better person than me!

Thisisconfusing · 28/12/2022 08:21

As someone with lots of family members who are asthmatic or have Chronic lung disease - that guest would be asked to leave immediately . It is disrespectful to non smokers but to treat a family with an asthmatic this way is awful . Your guest needs to understand that if it triggers an asthma attack your child could end up in hospital . Zero tolerance on smoking here but fortunately I know very few smokers .

mrsbitaly · 28/12/2022 08:23

That's disgusting I know smokers but none that smoke inside a house that's rank yes I would be getting them out asap

JubileeTrifle · 28/12/2022 08:48

PIL didn’t believe that smoking caused any smell. It was a constant battle to stop FIL smoking indoors. Opening the bedroom window doesn’t stop the smell.
His favourite trick was to stand outside and smoke into the kitchen. I constantly had to shut the door on him. You can’t get rid of the smell afterwards.

RampantIvy · 28/12/2022 08:53

I am astonished that 4% of voters think it is OK to smoke in a non smoking house. My family member who smokes always goes outside for a fag, and wouldn't dream of smoking in anyone else's house. She doesn't even smoke in her own home.

boxingdayisbest · 28/12/2022 09:10

My in laws vape in my office/spare room. Smells awful and makes me so mad but DH won't want to say anything.

Put the coat in a tied bin bag and outside.

Then see if he stops.

pilates · 28/12/2022 09:14

Disgusting behaviour. Don’t have them to stay again.

ACynicalDad · 28/12/2022 09:15

Stick up a smoke alarm in their room. It’s a vile habit and totally disrespectful. When are they leaving?

SerendipityJane · 28/12/2022 09:16

What is it with smokers ? It really must affect their intelligence.

I've been able to smell smoke at well over 100 feet outdoors. That is across a car park on a clear day.

Daydre4mer · 28/12/2022 09:18

Glad they’ve gone and you can air the room properly.

Does sound like you’ve got a very busy Xmas though, with the next lot of guests on the way.

Take it easy x

SleeplessInEngland · 28/12/2022 09:18

YABU for asking them once then accepting the lie. Honestly, so many MN threads with people putting up with situations entirely within their power.

dudsville · 28/12/2022 09:23

I think this is the first situation I've read about on MN where I'm pretty sure i would over react. I would go into the bedroom open the windows, collect all the bedding and clothing, start the huge laundry task, clean the surfaces, leave the room to air and if it wasn't clear by this point its let the guest know they were no longer a guest. I smoke occasionally but I've always said I'm a hypocrite as i cannot stand the smell. I once had a cleaner who was sacked for standing outside my back door with the door open whilst smoking. It's appalling behaviour.

Topseyt123 · 28/12/2022 09:29

Of course you are not unreasonable. I would probably have chucked them out at the first suspicion of smoking in my house. How rude and disrespectful of them.

The rules for smokers who visit my house are that smoking is done outside, and as far away from open doors and windows as is reasonably possible. That is rigidly enforced, and my own parents were also amongst that band of smokers, as were DH's mum and brother.

Don't ask this arse to stay again. They lie to you and are incapable of treating you or your home with respect.

Topseyt123 · 28/12/2022 09:33

Should add, spray everything with something like febreeze if you and your asthmatic son can tolerate it. It does help to mask the smell, though only time will reduce it permanently.

Samcro · 28/12/2022 09:44

im a smoker, I would never smoke in anyones house without them saying I could, even then I prefer to go outside, bloody rude and disrespectful.

astralpiano · 28/12/2022 09:44

Ask them to leave. Tell them they reek.

SheWoreYellow · 28/12/2022 09:47

Topseyt123 · 28/12/2022 09:33

Should add, spray everything with something like febreeze if you and your asthmatic son can tolerate it. It does help to mask the smell, though only time will reduce it permanently.

That’s not a good idea for an asthmatic family member.

SheWoreYellow · 28/12/2022 09:48

That’s rubbish, OP. I’d probably gradually wash all your son’s clothes.

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