To think that many people would wonder/fantasise about this potential inheritance?

[Tiltedandwilted]

Am posting for some external perspective.

DH and I come from very different families in terms of attitudes to money, my family are very open about money, I’ve always known what was in my parents wills, my grandparents wills, when my grandfather came into some money we had a family get together to discuss who was getting what in terms of my cousins and I etc.

DHs family are much more old fashioned and finances are akin to a state secret.

Now here is where the AIBU comes into play, DHs grandparents are extremely wealthy, they don’t ‘act’ it, there are small tells ( e.g.his grandfather if he pays for lunch opens his wallet and there is often £5k of cash in there!) but they don’t live in a mansion or eat caviar, although they definitely could afford to if they wanted. If you knew them you’d think upper middle class maybe, but not wealthy.

We get snippets of information as DHs grandfather talks to him about investments from time to time, they have ‘several’ BVIs, to make offshore accounts worthwhile you need millions in there, let alone to justify multiple of them. His work pension requires a team of accountants to manage it efficiently and they were approached a few months ago by one of their financial advisers to buy 25 luxury apartments in London, DH manages London properties so his grandfather asked him about it (only way we know this bit)

So although no one in the family knows how much there is, we know there is a lot (DH was also asked to look over the paperwork when his grandfather sold his last company and it sold for £15 million in 2007, so that’s the ‘minimum’ that is there, but he had 22 other companies throughout his lifetime and sold them all for nice amounts apparently over the course of the 90’s)

AIBU to think it’s only normal to wonder, if not fantasise about this when you know there is a potentially life changing amount of money out there that could be left to grand children (and by extension you)

Obviously the obligatory we know it’s their money, we don’t have a right to any of it and they might leave it all to a cat sanctuary, but I don’t think I ABU to wonder about it, like when people dream about winning the lottery, if it was a couple of hundred grand I’d not think about it, but I can’t imagine many people, knowing there could be tens of millions+ left to their husband/wife that wouldn’t think about it from time to time.

DH thinks it’s morbid to think about it at all and doesn’t care one way or another, as although they are well off they are somewhat tight with their cash and seem to hoard it over using it to support their family, so doesn’t pay it much attention.

YABU - I’d not pay any attention to the fact my family could be in for a windfall

YANBU - of course I’d have the odd dream about what fancy car I’d buy with all that money

I doubt many are equipped to deal with ‘real’ wealth.

DHs grandparents are definitely in the camp of I worked hard for this money you need to as well, so not sure your view on them putting effort into training their kids to handle wealth is realistic, especially since they don’t want their kids knowing how much is there. FIL is more clueless than DH as to what’s there for example.

I have no doubt it would be wasted when it’s passed down to subsequent generations, was merely asking about whether people would have the odd dream about it, hardly planning a kill mission

Yes I would definitely have a little secret hope it was coming my way, but it would probably come with a Brewsters millions clause or something😁

This.

2 to 3 limited companies, and a trust = £0 IHT bill.

Aim listing = £0 IHT.

Theres a bit more to it, of course, but there’s IHT 101.

Hey we can all fantasise about a lottery win, nowt wrong with that though.

YANBU - I fantasise what it would be like to won the lottery and I don't even by tickets. But I would really try not to think about it as you may get nothing and that would be depressing!

I’d love to know who has a better idea on this thread, than the people actually involved and who have seen records of a fraction of the wealth involved.

This!

Oooh mitts off now, some of you really need to take a step back and lighten up

How would anyone need a team of accountants to manage a pension?

Mumsnet is ridiculous about inheritance. It’s like no one is ever allowed to discuss it.

I come from a long line of people in my family who have inherited from one generation to the next. When my Mum died in 2019 she left everything to me as her only child, it was enough to pay off my mortgage completely and I don’t need to work again. I had a terrible relationship with my Mum - she was very abusive- so perhaps that’s changed how I feel about things a bit but certainly when dh and I knew she was terminally ill we had discussions about it all, and dm instigated some of those discussions herself. It’s not taboo in our family at all. The same thing happened when my Gran died and passed everything to my Mum. My Dad is also very wealthy and is now mid 80s so realistically he will - as he puts it - “croak it shortly” and then his share of things will come to me. We are all very accepting of death and all feel it’s nice to leave something to the next generation. It’s not something to never talk about. I think Mumsnet is really weird about it all.

Do you think so many people would play the lottery if someone they loved had to lose a family member in order for them to win?

Inheritance is classed as a non matrimonial asset and therefore does not automatically become a joint asset.
It can be excluded in a divorce.
Also if the grandfather has financial advisers they can find various ways to pass the money to your husband and completely exclude you getting access to it.

It will likely be held in trust which will have trustees and usually down the bloodline. Hopefully you'll get thrown some scraps.

With this sort of money involved, you can be sure that it's hedged about with all sorts of legal protections. Specially from wives with designs on the cash. You may have a wait a very long time, OP. I was 70 before my very wealthy mother died and I inherited. Lots of trust precautions involved, though, to ensure that it stayed within the direct line.

Nothing wrong with fantasising about it at all. Maybe a bit crass to vocalise them to your DH though.

You may not get anything at all. All of my grandparents are dead, and no grandchildren were mentioned at all. Your DHs parents (if they inherit), might blow the lot before your DH gets a sniff anyway.

In fact - my Dad visited on Boxing Day and we had a little catch up and he went into our kitchen and laughed and said “oh this is looking a bit tired now isn’t it, you’ll be able to sort this out when I’m gone” 😆🙈 People are so scared of dying and whatever else they don’t see the humour in things.

Oh of course it could be, it could also be left to a one eyed donkey called Marvin.

Hence it’s called fantasising, not planning, expecting or wanting.

Thankfully out of all the family we are the ones who ‘need’ the money the least, but it’s still nice to fantasise

Oh, I misunderstood, this is supposed to be a lighthearted thread about your DH’s relatives dying so you can spaff away their hard earned cash. Show this thread to your DH then - I’m sure he’ll take it all in good humour, eh, given that he’s already told you that he’s hurt by it?

It depends on the family though, doesn't it?! You talk as if everyone gets an inheritance.

In my family, my parents are the first generation to own property. They don't talk about what's going to happen to their house when they die and they don't flash the cash about either. In fact, they live so frugally it annoys me. Maybe because they didn't get an inheritance, it doesn't enter their heads to think about/discuss it.

I know you’re trying to make a valid point but I’ve now conjured an entire dystopian future scenario out of this and I’d like the film rights before you or anyone else cites “bagsy”

He is already chucking at some of these posts, especially the ones so sure they know more about the contents of a contract he and his grandfather have seen than he does, odd you think this is anything other than light hearted.

You’ve given me a right laugh tonight

I would secretly hope but try not to fantasise about it because there’s every chance you’d be disappointed plus it’s a bit morally dubious to fantasise about anyone else’s demise. I won a meagre ( by some people’s definition) £1000 before Christmas that basically would pay for all the Christmas presents, food, and nice outings over the festive period ( a huge help for us as we’re struggling). Until it hit the account I didn’t get excited.

Wealthy, financially savvy people don't wait until they die to pass on wealth.

And talking to your husband about your fantasies about what you'd do after his granddad's death (and presumably also his parents' death) is in spectacularly bad taste. Very grubby indeed.

Oh believe me I know not everyone gets an inheritance. But equally lots of people do and it’s like we’re not allowed to joke or talk about it.

My dh is from a completely different background to me. None of his family have any property or even savings. Most are on long term benefits and live in council housing. So he thinks my family is rather odd. And that’s okay. We are all different.