To think that many people would wonder/fantasise about this potential inheritance?

[Tiltedandwilted]

Am posting for some external perspective.

DH and I come from very different families in terms of attitudes to money, my family are very open about money, I’ve always known what was in my parents wills, my grandparents wills, when my grandfather came into some money we had a family get together to discuss who was getting what in terms of my cousins and I etc.

DHs family are much more old fashioned and finances are akin to a state secret.

Now here is where the AIBU comes into play, DHs grandparents are extremely wealthy, they don’t ‘act’ it, there are small tells ( e.g.his grandfather if he pays for lunch opens his wallet and there is often £5k of cash in there!) but they don’t live in a mansion or eat caviar, although they definitely could afford to if they wanted. If you knew them you’d think upper middle class maybe, but not wealthy.

We get snippets of information as DHs grandfather talks to him about investments from time to time, they have ‘several’ BVIs, to make offshore accounts worthwhile you need millions in there, let alone to justify multiple of them. His work pension requires a team of accountants to manage it efficiently and they were approached a few months ago by one of their financial advisers to buy 25 luxury apartments in London, DH manages London properties so his grandfather asked him about it (only way we know this bit)

So although no one in the family knows how much there is, we know there is a lot (DH was also asked to look over the paperwork when his grandfather sold his last company and it sold for £15 million in 2007, so that’s the ‘minimum’ that is there, but he had 22 other companies throughout his lifetime and sold them all for nice amounts apparently over the course of the 90’s)

AIBU to think it’s only normal to wonder, if not fantasise about this when you know there is a potentially life changing amount of money out there that could be left to grand children (and by extension you)

Obviously the obligatory we know it’s their money, we don’t have a right to any of it and they might leave it all to a cat sanctuary, but I don’t think I ABU to wonder about it, like when people dream about winning the lottery, if it was a couple of hundred grand I’d not think about it, but I can’t imagine many people, knowing there could be tens of millions+ left to their husband/wife that wouldn’t think about it from time to time.

DH thinks it’s morbid to think about it at all and doesn’t care one way or another, as although they are well off they are somewhat tight with their cash and seem to hoard it over using it to support their family, so doesn’t pay it much attention.

YABU - I’d not pay any attention to the fact my family could be in for a windfall

YANBU - of course I’d have the odd dream about what fancy car I’d buy with all that money

Exactly, times that by 20+ and then by the 30+ years he ran these companies it adds up to a hefty sum, even if it took a long time to get to that income level, just one years salary towards the end is nearly £10 million, and that’s in the 80’s!

Word of advice…

Don’t fantasise…

Its highly unlikely you will be receiving any of this…. Maybe get a small something but i suspect little more than a few thousand.

People with money, and i mean real money, not just a few million, are very concious what it takes to manage that wealth effectively and the wealth mgmt companies are also usually engaged with the beneficiaries long before the death occurs. It’s all to do with inter generational wealth transition and continuation of famile wealth.

People with a nice property or two, and an odd million in cash/investments don’t think in the same sort of terms, because these days, a million doesn’t mean much. They do a bit of IHT planning of course, but generally they do think inheritance.

The fact you are saying the word inheritance, is the biggest red flag of all to me.

Sorry OP. That’s how i read it.

I think it's bringing the worst out in you OP. Sorry.

They’re very tax conscious, there was one year they were feeling ‘generous’ and offered exactly £3,000 to FIL to help get a new car, although he was then told he wouldn’t receive a Christmas gift as it would push them over the yearly gifting tax threshold!

Thats the only reason I can think of why they don’t share it now, especially due to their ages I’d not give them 7+ years.

I said potential inheritance, a key distinction.

but why not in the 80s or 90s or 00s?!

I think the vast majority of people, at some point, have fantasised about what it would be like to be extremely wealthy. But I think that's quite different to fantasising about how you would spend a particular relatives money if they died, and your level of interest in the details of your DH's Grandparents finances does strike me as unusual, sorry.

If they are really as rich as you think they are, the real mystery is why they haven't begun distributing assets before now. Their "team of accountants " would have advised them to make a start for sure.

So if it hasn't come your way, perhaps is going elsewhere

Perhaps you’re fantasising about it more than DH because it’s his family you’re hoping will die? And people with this much wealth usually pass it on in the form of a trust to avoid inheritance tax and so will probably use that you prevent you getting any access to it.

This!

There many have been many shareholders involved in the sold company, plus high capital gains tax. Thus the amount your grandfather received may have been a fraction of the £15m.

Re; the investing in 25 luxury flats, again he would most likely have been asked to be part of a large consortium. So who knows what kind of amount this would entail.

In my experience, the families with real wealth, have created trusts for the beneficiaries. Who receive monthly/annual amounts. Plus these trusts normally pay for the grandchildren to be put through private schooling. Can I ask if your DH or his siblings/cousins received any of this, as this would be an indicator of the potential wealth involved?

It’s none of your business how much money this man has. Calling it ‘a state secret’ and that he’s ‘tight’ is just rude.

It’s his money that he worked hard for and can do what he wants with it.
’….. we’d not see much of it’ It would never be yours, it would be your husbands if the grandad was to leave anything to family.
How grabby.

Errrrrr so what everyone else on here finds it completely normal to happen have a relative that has millions in assets. Millions and millions. And millions. And they’d never for one moment have a little fantasy about what would happen if they maybe possibly potentially were gifted a wee sliver of it?

Its odd how so many people buy lottery tickets when everyone is apparently so disinterested in money!

OP, you say your GPIL don't act wealthy but there are small "tells".

Do they not live on a country estate with that sort of money? What sort of property are they owning?

Odd you think you know more about the investment opportunities than DH who has seen all the paperwork for it.

No consortium, no other parties. He was asked to review the contracts and the properties themselves to advise.

YANBU, it's completely normal to wonder how your life might be, however inheritances are never a certainty.

DHs Grandparents prioritising hoarding vast amounts of cash over helping family while they are alive to see the benefits (business start ups, education etc), strikes me a spectacularly selfish. Yes, I KNOW it's their money etc, but its not how I'd act towards my loved ones.

Their house is worth about £4-£5 million based off how much their neighbours sold for a few months ago.

But they live in an area where £4-£5 million gets you a 4 bed detached with a nice sized garden not a mansion in the country. They also own 3 holiday homes in the UK (they did have some abroad too a few years ago but sold up after DHs grandfather stopped flying) that are worth maybe an extra million or so.

OP doesnt have a relative though does she

Her husband has grandparents, not even parents, grandparents who appear wealthy.

You asked for opinions so here’s mine: YABU.

In addition, I’m actually open-mouthed at how rude and vulgar you are coming across in your thread.

You also are in the dangerous position of not knowing what you’re talking about, and attacking those who have a better idea.

I would stop fantasising if I were you. People like your DH’a grandfather have seen people like you a million times over. It doesn’t end well, in my experience.

OP has said they’ve gifted thousands to FIL earlier this year as just one example. To think that not giving away everything they own whilst still alive is “selfish” but that secretly hoping for your DH’s relatives to die so you can piss away their hard earned money is “completely normal” is a terrifying perspective.

Only in your mind OP, not mine.

From where i stand and reading your posts about 7 years etc, you are not equipped to deal with real wealth.

Don’t feel bad, very few people are, the time and effort required are not insubstantial, and it’s a real respnsibility that people have to be groomed for. The people who have created something of financial value usually want some form of inter-generational legacy.

I don’t say this to be rude, but i fear you will take it as that. Im really sorry if you do, and i really hope i am wrong. However, the research on wealth being diluted and wasted by subsequent generations, unless appropriate training or structures are in place is well known.

Someone might need a mince pie and a lie down.

Never said it’s any of my business, and it is factually tight to see your family suffer and struggle when you have the means to help them.

Also you don’t seem to understand the concept of marriage, if DH inherited any money it would then become a joint asset.

Take a chill pill

Let’s hope your DH doesn’t divorce you before you get your grubby hands on his family money.

I suppose OP you better hope that the grandparents dont die in suspicious circumstances, the police might dredge up this thread you made about fantasising about their money!!

100000000% this. Poor DH.

Not if it’s held in trust, which it absolutely would be. Mits off!