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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not go to see family?

56 replies

Corporatepreggolady · 27/12/2022 08:39

I'm 33 weeks pregnant and had an absolute nightmare day yesterday - driving home from Christmas with DH, clutch died on car 300 miles from home. Cue six or so very stressful hours of AA rescue, finding a hire car to get back, leaving my broken car outside a closed garage which (like all garages) won't be open til tomorrow because of Bank Holidays. Got home at 9.30.

Today, we'd planned to go and see my in-laws. I'm just exhausted and not in a good mental or emotional state after yesterday. And very anxious about all the ringing around I'll have to do at 8am tomorrow when the garage opens - will they take the car or will I need to get it towed somewhere else? Will my warranty pay out or not? How will I manage the 10 round trip to get my car back?

DH is very cross about not going. He says we'll just stay here and be miserable. And he's accusing me of just not wanting to go - which really isn't true, I would love to see my in-laws and just don't feel up to it. I'm also sad that he's being like this instead of understanding or sympathetic.

What do you think?

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 27/12/2022 08:41

How would you get there with no car? And why can’t he go alone?

DogGreen · 27/12/2022 08:41

You should go. It's not your in laws fault that you had a difficult day yesterday and DH is clearly wanting to see them.

NoSquirrels · 27/12/2022 08:42

Presumably you were seeing your family over Christmas? It’s natural he’s disappointed not to see his.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/12/2022 08:43

Why can’t he go by himself? Have you still got the hire car?

BCBird · 27/12/2022 08:43

Surely you are entitled to rest after that debacle. Can't he go alone and explain,better still u ring and explain.

Nimbostratus100 · 27/12/2022 08:44

he can go alone, an you can rest at home

Overthebow · 27/12/2022 08:45

Did you see your family at Christmas and is this the scheduled time with the in laws? If so then yes I’d suck it up and go.

phoenixrosehere · 27/12/2022 08:45

Why can’t he go alone? A grown man should be able to drive and see his own parents without his wife. They can see you another time.

MrsSkylerWhite · 27/12/2022 08:46

Can they come to you, instead?

InFiveMins · 27/12/2022 08:47

I wouldn't go. Can't he go by himself?

Dishwashersaurous · 27/12/2022 08:47

He goes.

You have a day in bed resting

EVHead · 27/12/2022 08:48

He goes by himself and you rest. I was exhausted at that stage of pregnancy so rest up!

thelobsterquadrille · 27/12/2022 08:51

I think you should go.

He's spent time with your family, it's only fair that you go and see his.

Oysterbabe · 27/12/2022 08:52

I think you don't want to go and are making excuses. There doesn't seem to be any good reason not to.

Whaleandsnail6 · 27/12/2022 08:52

Sounds like there is nothing you can do about your car today with it being bank holiday so I think you should still go and see inlaws.

Get oh to drive the hire car and just relax with family for the day. Maybe come home a bit earlier and have an early night.

strawberry2017 · 27/12/2022 08:54

Nothing to stop him going by himself.

phoenixrosehere · 27/12/2022 08:57

thelobsterquadrille · 27/12/2022 08:51

I think you should go.

He's spent time with your family, it's only fair that you go and see his.

He’s not in his third trimester of pregnancy and exhausted. Some of us struggled during that time and shouldn’t have to go when he could go on his own and where does it say they saw her family?

evemillbank · 27/12/2022 08:57

If you don't want to go you shouldn't feel you have to. He can go on his own.

AkoraEdelherb · 27/12/2022 08:59

Can’t he go on his own? Or if the plan was to spend the day there and you don’t quite feel up for that, maybe just pop in for an hour or so later in the afternoon? You should absolutely prioritise your health.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/12/2022 08:59

Oysterbabe · 27/12/2022 08:52

I think you don't want to go and are making excuses. There doesn't seem to be any good reason not to.

The reason is she’s exhausted, stressed and doesn’t want to. She’s an adult and doesn’t have to.

RedHelenB · 27/12/2022 09:01

In the spirit of Christmas I'd go OP. Might take your mind off the car problems.

phoenixrosehere · 27/12/2022 09:03

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/12/2022 08:59

The reason is she’s exhausted, stressed and doesn’t want to. She’s an adult and doesn’t have to.

Show quote history

But it’s Christmas..🙄

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/12/2022 09:05

phoenixrosehere · 27/12/2022 09:03

But it’s Christmas..🙄

Show quote history

Thankfully there is no Christmas law that you make yourself uncomfortable for the sake of other people, who, if they care about you, shouldn’t want you to feel worse than you already do when you’re that pregnant.

Ireallywantsomechips · 27/12/2022 09:06

Don’t go OP. Im 30 weeks pregnant and was exhausted yesterday but pushed on to go to my in laws because I know I’d have a good time! I did but by the time I got
home I felt awful and now I feel poorly 🙄 I should have listened to my body and at least left earlier

marlowe5 · 27/12/2022 09:06

Will they cook and look after you for the day? If they are that kind of inlaw then can you see it as a day to be looked after and go?