AIBU to not go to see family?

[Corporatepreggolady]

I'm 33 weeks pregnant and had an absolute nightmare day yesterday - driving home from Christmas with DH, clutch died on car 300 miles from home. Cue six or so very stressful hours of AA rescue, finding a hire car to get back, leaving my broken car outside a closed garage which (like all garages) won't be open til tomorrow because of Bank Holidays. Got home at 9.30.

Today, we'd planned to go and see my in-laws. I'm just exhausted and not in a good mental or emotional state after yesterday. And very anxious about all the ringing around I'll have to do at 8am tomorrow when the garage opens - will they take the car or will I need to get it towed somewhere else? Will my warranty pay out or not? How will I manage the 10 round trip to get my car back?

DH is very cross about not going. He says we'll just stay here and be miserable. And he's accusing me of just not wanting to go - which really isn't true, I would love to see my in-laws and just don't feel up to it. I'm also sad that he's being like this instead of understanding or sympathetic.

What do you think?

Agree. I hate the excuse because “it’s Christmas” people should simply ignore their health for the sake of seeing people when there are other times in the year. Besides, OP is pregnant, pretty likely they are going to see her and their new grandchild soon.

If they're nice it might take your mind off things. Does your DH not drive?

Thank you everyone for responses. Good to get some perspectives because I'm so in my own head about it.

In-laws live three hours away - the plan was to stay two nights with them. I'm suggesting we see how we feel and go tomorrow.

I'm really really encouraging DH to go without me but he says no. He has his own car so it wouldn't be an issue travel-wise, but he says he doesn't want to leave me if I'm upset and tired.

He doesn’t want to leave you while you’re upset and tired yet thinks a 3 hour trip in a car while you’re already tired is going to help it further?

I'd still go, the car is what it is. I'd go to take my mind off it all.

Was it your parents you've just come back from visiting?

Ah sorry no, we'd been at a hotel. Awful but that's another story.

We did see my family earlier in Dec though, and the plan was to have them for NYE too. Again, I've said to invite in-laws to that but DH says no.

So yes, I see that we're seeing my family more and I feel awful about that. But short of driving to my in-laws today and sitting there all tearful, I don't know what the answer is.

I think if you've seen your family already and you're seeing them again at the weekend, it's only fair that you see DH's too.

Staying home won't fix your car problems.

Fair would be her DH allowing his parents to stay vs making OP go when she doesn’t have to.

Her DH is choosing to be difficult concerning his own parents. She saw her parents earlier in December, not for Christmas and will see them over the New Years because they are coming to them.

@phoenixrosehere maybe he doesn't want to make his parents drive a 300 mile journey?

Sorry, three hour journey, so a six hour round trip.

I’d make the effort to go, but I’d tell DH he needs to lay off the booze as he’s doing all the driving, I’d agree to staying one night (tonight) and see how I feel tomorrow.

Then he should go on his own.

@phoenixrosehere meh, I disagree.

He went to see her parents and is hosting them for New Years too - it's only polite that OP returns the favour and spends time with his family as well.

Politeness doesn’t trump OP’s health. She says she is tired. She has asked can they leave for the next day and he still has an issue with it.

Again, they will more than likely see OP when the baby is born.

I think he should go on his own, especially at 33 weeks pregnant this is on of your last chances to sort shit out like your car without a child complicating things.

I'd choose to stay at home, sort the car, have a break/ sort things for the baby and get your shit together.

I can imagine there'll be a lot of family visits in the next few months with the new arrival

@phoenixrosehere life would be boring if we all had the same opinion.

Kay.

short of driving to my in-laws today and sitting there all tearful, I don't know what the answer is.

Well, you could not sit there tearful?

But I don’t think you’re unreasonable not to go on a 3-hour journey at 33 weeks pregnant if you’re tired and stressed.

Who is in charge of sorting the car, whereabouts is it (closer to your ILs, or in the opposite direction?) and can all the calling round etc be done by your DH? I’d he generally a helpful, useful bloke and will he step up to do all this if you agree to go but do nothing but rest up? Tea and sympathy from ILs (and might they be practical help with fetching the car back from the garage, maybe?) with catering laid on could actually be what you need.

Um. You're very pregnant and knackered after an awful day yesterday. I take it he can't go alone to his parents because he is 4 years old? Selfish bastard

Husband's like yours make me so glad for mine.

Do you like them and value your relationship with them? If he sorted out the car and you didn’t have to get involved in that could you go later and stay for 1 night instead?
I might be less sympathetic than I could be because I have lovely in laws and worked until 38 weeks pregnant without issues, but only you and your DH know your circumstances so other people’s opinions are irrelevant really.

Tell him to go by himself and you'll have 3 days to yourself to relax.

And that you'll make it up to them next month and see them then for a weekend?

If the situation was reversed and it was your parents that needed visiting, would you still prefer to stay in bed? Sometimes, it's right to get out of commitments by blaming fatigue and Pregnancy but in this case, the right thing would be to honour the promise of the visit and go see your ILs. If it were your parents that needed visiting, I'm sure you'd want to go.

You are a grown up. Shit happens.
Nap in the car and dh can drive.