Would you do this? Xmas gift related.

[limeicelemon]

If you have 3 DC and your S has 4, would you happily accept emailed gift vouchers for your 3 boys for £50 each, and then straight away email your nieces / nephews vouchers for £30 each?

Are you moaning cos the overall amount is less? YABU.

Over email it’s a bit soulless. However the monetary value had it been a traditional exchange or gifts would have already been budgeted for and might be hard to increase by £80 in the current climate.

All seems a bit petty to me to be honest. I hate the absolute tit for tat that goes on here sometimes .

Yes I agree it's soulless, but that's what she specifically told me her boys wanted.

£30 per child is more than enough, £50 is very generous.
It's "only" a £30 difference overall, but the point of gift giving isn't to get back the same ammount as you give to break even.

What's the issue?

Strike the "only £30 difference" mixed up who had more kids. Rest of my comment stands though.

So yes you are moaning that you spent £150 and she spent £120. Ridiculous. Do you think she should have spent £200 because you have 4? Or would you have accepted £37.50 each?

I did not ask her for vouchers or mention anything about gifts.

This is pathetic. All the children should have the same. They are kids ffs. Agree on a price for each next year.

So what is your problem?

You can't set the budget for another family.

Just stop the gift cards and set a small budget if you want them to have the exact same.

I’d be grateful my 4 kids all got a gift?

I wouldn't.

I'd either do £40 each (total £160, so near enough same/if anything higher spend by me as by my sister) or £50 each (same value voucher per kid).

Always = or > the first gifter's spend.

But tbh, I think she's given you the perfect cue to ditch cousin gifts next year, or cap them at £10 tokens.

No point just trading vouchers & less than zero point if it's going to cause pricklings of resentment on either side. Call the whole thing off!

A gift should be given freely. Does it matter if one side spends more than another . Perhaps £30 per child was what one could afford and the other could afford £50. Does it matter?
It's sad that presents are turning into a transactional event and not something nice given with love

YABVU - if you are going to feel like this, I'd say ditch presents next year.

Bloody Hell, no wonder people get so stressed at Xmas.
You spend what you want within your budget. If that is a 99p gift box each OR between them, then so be it.

We are seriously considering doing a family secret Santa next year to take the pressure off everyone.

My children do not need or remotely expect £50 from her. My issue is, that I would not specifically request something for my children if I was not prepared to reciprocate.

I did not expect or want gift vouchers back. But personally, I would not ask for £50 per child and then immediately ping back £30. I would have not asked for vouchers and definitely not specified an amount.

I understand the issue around the fact I have an extra child. But this is exactly why I would not request gift vouchers!

You’d probably have got better replies if you included your drip feed in your OP then really.

Wait did she ping back vouchers from the same company that you gifted? So she was in effect getting you to pay for your kids gifts from her? If so yes that is unreasonable. If not then you are being unreasonable.

What was the 'drip feed?'

I am perfectly ok to be told I am unreasonable and I can totally see how this sounds very petty. If is! To be honest, there is a whole background to this (isn't there always!) and this is just a minute example of a wider pattern. But it just annoyed me because it's something I would not do, personally.

ZforZebra - Yes. Sorry, I thought I'd made that clear.

The drip feed is saying in your OP that you spent x amount on her kids, but she only spent y amount on yours. Making you look grabby and petty. So after being told this you’ve drip fed that your problem is that she actually specifically requested £50 vouchers for each of her children and then sent you vouchers you didn’t want for less than that value… which completely changes peoples perspective on the answer really because that’s obviously rude of her. So you’d have got more relevant answers without the drip feed.

So she actually asked for a £50 voucher, not just a voucher in general? That is incredibly cheeky in my opinion unless there is some kind of prior agreement that you spend that amount.

You were very unclear. You asked what you should buy and were told a £50 voucher each from Xshop?

Thats rude and odd.