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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you do this? Xmas gift related.

69 replies

limeicelemon · 26/12/2022 17:21

If you have 3 DC and your S has 4, would you happily accept emailed gift vouchers for your 3 boys for £50 each, and then straight away email your nieces / nephews vouchers for £30 each?

OP posts:

Notanotherone6 · 26/12/2022 19:50

Well, as the vouchers were specifically for the children and you each have your own budgets, then no you can't complain. It's not your money.

Cococomelon · 26/12/2022 19:57

It's weird but you didn't specify what your children wanted so it's not entirely wrong of her to get your kids this same co vouchers.

Also if she goes to the loo when the bill comes in a restaurant you could wait til she gets back rather than paying.

your OP didn't set out all the relevant info.

YomAsalYomBasal · 26/12/2022 20:05

roses2 · 26/12/2022 19:22

I don't get what the issue is. She spent in total the same as you. Just because you have more kids doesn't automatically mean she should spend the same amount per kid ie more in total - that's comparable to splitting the bill 50/50 if the two families go out to dinner even though there are 6 in your family and 5 in hers.

What's the real issue?

But it's the other way round isn't it.
OP spent £200 and got £90 back?

BaileySharp · 26/12/2022 20:12

I think requesting a specific amount and then spending less back is quite cheeky YANBU. At the same time people should only spend what they can afford but it's unfair to ask for a specific amount with no intention to reciprocate. We spend £30 or less on niblings, £50 per child is lot so if my sister had said £50 I might have said that's a bit much for us but will get them a voucher for that store (as gift giver I get to decide how much!)

SleepingStandingUp · 26/12/2022 20:15

You spent £150 on her kids and she spent £120 so no, I wouldn't be annoyed mine hadn't got enough. It would be more of an issue that they're vouchers for somewhere their cousins like, and not somewhere they'd use. And my sister telling me how much I'd be spending but that easily solved by using your words "sorry sis, that's out of budget for us this year, I'd planned on spending X".

If you didn't want to spend that much on them, don't.

BadNomad · 26/12/2022 20:16

Did she actually ask for £50 for each child? I think it's cheeky to request a specific amount. But if she does have less money then maybe she can't afford to spend much on her own children and definitely can't afford to spend that much on your children. Hence, the £30 each. She was probably hoping you'd realise that it is for the benefit of the children, not her.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/12/2022 20:16

YomAsalYomBasal · 26/12/2022 20:05

But it's the other way round isn't it.
OP spent £200 and got £90 back?

Show quote history

No, op has four kids. Who got 30 each.
Sister has three kids who got 50 each.

Notplayingball · 26/12/2022 20:21

We have stopped giving at Christmas and birthdays for nephews. Saves all this nonsense.

Sceptre86 · 26/12/2022 20:21

Yanbu, she is rude. She specifically requested a certain amount for each kid and then gave yours less. I've come across people like her and her cf will only continue of you don't challenge it. So going forward if you want to do gifts for her kids buy or give what suits your budget. If her kids want specific things them she as the parent can buy them.

Crunchymum · 26/12/2022 20:25

Were your kids gift cards from the same shop she requested her kids vouchers from?

Grassisbluer · 26/12/2022 20:30

limeicelemon · 26/12/2022 17:51

My children do not need or remotely expect £50 from her. My issue is, that I would not specifically request something for my children if I was not prepared to reciprocate.

I did not expect or want gift vouchers back. But personally, I would not ask for £50 per child and then immediately ping back £30. I would have not asked for vouchers and definitely not specified an amount.

I understand the issue around the fact I have an extra child. But this is exactly why I would not request gift vouchers!

You really did leave an awful lot of detail out of your OP!
It was important for context to say that your sister had specifically requested vouchers of a certain amount.

Original poster

limeicelemon · 26/12/2022 20:32

Crunchymum - yes. She received hers and then pinged me vouchers from thd same shop!

The thing is, she has always been like this, so I'm not even that surprised, to be honest. The last times they did the disappearing act in restaurants (this was two weeks ago), I've told DH to just wait and not pay. They have had faces like thunder.

OP posts:

pocketvenuss · 26/12/2022 20:33

Nimbostratus100 · 26/12/2022 18:36

It sounds fair to me.

Children in a bigger sibling group are always going to get lesser value gifts each, but they are likely to swap and share to some extent, and benefit from each other's gifts, so overall get a greater value.

If we are counting up the values, that is

You have a weird concept of 'fair'

BarbaraofSeville · 26/12/2022 21:09

missingthewinchesterboys · 26/12/2022 18:18

It all seems a bit pointless.
Here's £**
Thank you here's your £**.
Why bother at all

This.

Why not just give them all a selection box each or other small gift and spend what you like on your own DC.

susiesuelou · 26/12/2022 21:16

So she basically gave you the present back that you gifted her children, to give to your own kids, minus £30 which she kept? 🤭

That's..... different.

Original poster

limeicelemon · 26/12/2022 22:00

Yes... basically.

OP posts:

Alici · 26/12/2022 22:07

She is being unreasonable stating an amount. It is up to the gift giver how much they give.

K37529 · 26/12/2022 23:01

Yanbu, she is a Cf, tell her from now on you don't want to do gifts for each others children and spend it on your own

SleepingStandingUp · 27/12/2022 00:04

Notplayingball · 26/12/2022 20:21

We have stopped giving at Christmas and birthdays for nephews. Saves all this nonsense.

Well it's only nonsense if one of you is a cf and one of you won't stand up to them.
I spent what I could afford onh two youngest niblings and the unborn one, plus £20 in cash for the adult niblings with jobs, my choice. My sisters spent what they could afford on my 3. Token sibling present with youngest, and exchanged gift cards with eldest sister. Normally we buy each other alcohol but she's pregnant, we still like to swap not just buy our own voucher because we just never would.

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