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Original poster

To be steaming ! Does anyone else have guests that are hardly lifying a finger to help ?!

91 replies

Duvetdaysaregood · 26/12/2022 12:00

Arrived 22nd.
3 young adults . Dc plus partner . Today ds partner relative arrives at her request .
invited self for night .
have cooked , shopped cleaned .
constant grazing between meals , constant hungrry , requests for me to
chill instead of load dishwasher , clean up the mess.

i asked partner to do one jib to help and rhe resonse was i will do it tomorrow . I was so taken aback .
i am getting really cross now .

anyone else ???
its like running a hotel ! I have just made one of them
hoover .

OP posts:
Fathercrossmas · 26/12/2022 14:00

Best bet is to put headphones on, audiobook on, Baileys in the kitchen and be blissfully antisocial, using the cleaning/cooking as an excuse. I'd then take myself off for an afternoon walk.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 26/12/2022 14:04

I couldn’t live like that..must stink with yesterdays dirty dishes and cooker

Dishes that are left for a day don't stink. Trust me on this. 😄

lightswitchon · 26/12/2022 14:12

I'm not quite sure if the partner you asked to do a job is your own partner, or your child's partner?
I also can't really understand why, when most of the people staying are family, they don't know your family dynamic. Are you getting annoyed at them or at their partners?

houseargh · 26/12/2022 14:13

Who hoovers on boxing day!?

GiltEdges · 26/12/2022 14:15

MintJulia · 26/12/2022 12:33

Allocate jobs to each and tell them you won't be serving any more food or drink until the work is done.

Stand over them silently, with your arms folded and wait. They will either comply or leave.

Don't put up with this shit !

Jeez, sounds like it’d be fun at your house 😳

Hankunamatata · 26/12/2022 14:17

Why do you need to hoover on boxing day?

melj1213 · 26/12/2022 14:36

Sounds like you're being a martyr and insisting on everything being perfect immediately whereas everyone else is happy to leave things for an hour or five to relax and enjoy each others' company in the moment, only for you to do the job in the meantime and then complain nobody does anything.

Yes there are some jobs that need doing regularly but there are other jobs that do not need doing immediately unless there's a logistical need (eg kids dropped a whole bowl of crisps and there are crumbs everywhere that need hoovering up; dishwasher needs putting on straight after lunch so there's time for it to run a cycle in time for dinner because otherwise there aren't enough plates etc) and it's really stressful to have someone constantly asking you to do none time critical tasks that can wait a while when you're trying to socialize, just because they want those things done on their schedule.

Sort things into "essential jobs" that need doing immediately and "jobs that can wait" and only ask people to do the former immediately and accept that the latter jobs will get done when they get done.

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 26/12/2022 14:41

My dog is also being very helpful. He's been under that blanket for hours. He couldn't care that the dishwasher is empty, dirty dishes stacked ready to go in.

Bastard!

Then again... it is Christmas. Maybe he has the right idea!

To be steaming ! Does anyone else have guests that are hardly lifying a finger to help ?!
hcnirg · 26/12/2022 14:41

Of course they do. You probably just got used to living in a pig sty .

Groundspace · 26/12/2022 14:43

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 26/12/2022 14:04

I couldn’t live like that..must stink with yesterdays dirty dishes and cooker

Dishes that are left for a day don't stink. Trust me on this. 😄

They do.

BlackFriday · 26/12/2022 14:45

Cherrysoup · 26/12/2022 12:16

Stop running round after them, why are you doing that? Tell them you’re not cooking, if they want something, there are shops open and they need to clear up after themselves as they go. I’ve just done a huge cleanup/clean, didn’t even have guests, but beds needed changing, the stairwell/windowsills were filthy and the dishes needed clearing/dishwasher on/washing machine on, tumble dryer filter needed cleaning out. I’m happy to do it, DH is walking the dogs and I’ve hurt my leg so can’t do the walking. If I had guests, I’d be asking for them to do anything needed.

Beds need changing and windowsill need cleaning on Boxing Day???
FFS, how? How "filthy" can they have got in a couple of days?

SuburbanMummy123 · 26/12/2022 14:49

I’m afraid it’s really hard to tell from your original post if you’re accepting help or martyring yourself as PP have suggested. I am currently at my ILs and MIL is doing pretty much everything. There are plenty of genuine offers to help but things always have to be done her way, she doesn’t have the ability to delegate and so is constantly working. I feel bad but have given up trying to help…

Original poster
Duvetdaysaregood · 26/12/2022 14:54

Beds need change as we have di guest s and not enouhh beds so peiole need to change places . For eg ds was in one room no room now as extra guest so he need move out that room and we need clesn sheets for bed he vacating. He is having to sleep in caravan on drive ..

OP posts:
Original poster
Duvetdaysaregood · 26/12/2022 14:57

Ive tried to retire to bedroom , good idea , but feel
mirco managed as in we need to play games at 6

OP posts:
stayathomer · 26/12/2022 15:01

Try and enjoy the games though op, that’s not micro management, that’s Christmas timetables!!!!

IntentionalError · 26/12/2022 15:04

Christmas martyrs. 🙄

Pearls1234 · 26/12/2022 15:06

I would never expect a guest to lift a finger in my home but each to their own.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 26/12/2022 15:09

You need to tell your children exactly and specifically what you want them (and their partner) to do. Otherwise it is very difficult to know what is really helpful in someone else's house.

Your DP should obviously be pulling his weight.

AngelinaFibres · 26/12/2022 15:11

No one needs to play games at 6 or at any other time.
The people who are moving beds can presumably take the duvet and pillows ( with covers still on) to the next room and put the bottom sheet back on new bed. If they don't do it until the new person for that bed is standing in the bedroom doorway nobody will die .
If you want specific tasks doing then pick a person and ask them to do it.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 26/12/2022 15:11

Duvetdaysaregood · 26/12/2022 14:54

Beds need change as we have di guest s and not enouhh beds so peiole need to change places . For eg ds was in one room no room now as extra guest so he need move out that room and we need clesn sheets for bed he vacating. He is having to sleep in caravan on drive ..

I am staying with family and had to change beds. Host just gave me the clean sheets and directed me to the new bed I was to move to and gave the other guest the clean sheets as well and we just made our own beds. No reason you need to change the beds yourself, if the guests want clean sheets let them sort it!

yummumto3girls · 26/12/2022 15:13

OP pick your battles, bathrooms don’t need cleaning, wait until tomorrow, only hoover if carpets really bad. As for those who don’t wash dishes, I don’t get it, just lazy. Get your DC’s to muck in and pull their weight, Xmas does not mean you are a servant.

MachineBee · 26/12/2022 15:14

I would say to new guest that ‘x’ stayed in the previous bed. Are you happy to sleep on their bedding and if not I’d leave the fresh bedding for them to change.

Unless the bathroom is utterly filthy, I would leave until after they’ve all gone.

And I would be telling DC who invited extras that they were responsible for feeding and clearing up and then retire to my bedroom with a good book. But I can be a miserable git when someone tries to make me dance to their tune. Xxxx

rwalker · 26/12/2022 15:49

Groundspace · 26/12/2022 12:58

I couldn’t live like that..must stink with yesterdays dirty dishes and cooker.

Show quote history

Never noticed in all the years we’ve done it
All stuff that didn’t go in dishwasher
Swilled off and stacked sorted today
cooker wiped over today there was no stink in the kitchen this morning

MugginsOverEre · 26/12/2022 16:10

It's all well and good saying leave it.

Who gets to spend the next few days scrambling trying to get through those built up jobs when the guests and the D.C. have fucked off home? Who's left with tonnes of mess, unwashed plates cover in solid, cemented on food that stinks the kitchen out every time you go in?

I couldn't imagine being a house guest and sitting on my arse while my adult child's boyfriends/girlfriend's mum runs round after me.

Flapjackquack · 26/12/2022 16:15

rwalker · 26/12/2022 15:49

Never noticed in all the years we’ve done it
All stuff that didn’t go in dishwasher
Swilled off and stacked sorted today
cooker wiped over today there was no stink in the kitchen this morning

Show quote history

Same, it took three dishwasher loads to clean up everything from Christmas lunch so it went across two days. Did not smell at all the next day. And no that’s not because I am used to my house being a pigsty as one poster so politely put it. We did a deep clean 23rd-24th, there is only so dirty a house can get in two days. 1 day old dishes do not smell unless you are rubbing your face in them.