Page 4 | To think dad should not let himself into my room

winningeasy · 27/12/2022 12:44

No you deserve your privacy to be respected and also to be able to have a lie in, it's Xmas. My parents were abusers and invasion of privacy was their MO

I have had a full house over Xmas and would never think of walking in on one of my family guests x

Comedycook · 27/12/2022 12:47

You're not overreacting imo. It's very ill mannered to walk into a bedroom without knocking. You could be getting changed. My DC are 14 and 12 and I always knock before going into their bedrooms.

Nevermind31 · 27/12/2022 12:50

Visiting on my own - no issue at all.
if OH was with me I’d expect them to knock.

janex1 · 27/12/2022 12:54

Sounds normal to me! My children are in their early twenties and I always take them a cup of tea in the morning when they come to visit. They don't appear to mind!

poefaced · 27/12/2022 12:57

janex1 · 27/12/2022 12:54

Sounds normal to me! My children are in their early twenties and I always take them a cup of tea in the morning when they come to visit. They don't appear to mind!

You barge in to their room without knocking?

What if they’re naked or having a wank?

RupertBearsScarf · 27/12/2022 13:00

I'd never walk into our adult children's rooms. Firstly, if they're asleep then they probably need the rest, and secondly it's polite to always knock first.

My parents would always just walk in and I hated it.

TenzingNorgay · 27/12/2022 13:01

It would bother me. It's disrespectful, and a man who disrespects boundaries is one to avoid, in my book.

Climbles · 27/12/2022 13:04

It might be his way of making you get up on his schedule. Not knocking us very rude, what if you were up and getting changed?

Gliere · 27/12/2022 13:05

You don't like it and that is what matters (I would not like this either for several reasons).

As you said, he doesn't understand boundaries his predicted reaction to your perfectly reasonable request isn't great.

I would get up and go downstairs at 7.55 am for a coffee instead - irritating to have to get up this early if you don't want to but...

Blackbirdblue30 · 27/12/2022 13:25

My parents both barged into bedrooms when I was a teen, and the bathroom which didn't have a lock because 'families don't lock each other out'. I've never forgotten the feeling of bodily privacy being so invalidated and scorned.

My father has improved a great deal and will call out outside the door. However if anything, my mother has become worse. Asking her politely not to walk into a bedroom without knocking causes her to go off screaming and accusing. I'm nearly 40. Staying with them currently. Borrowed a door stop from work as my mother is not going to change this toxic behaviour and it at least means I can get changed/shower in peace.

The cup of tea is nice, but I would really either use a door stop or ask him to knock.

poefaced · 27/12/2022 13:29

@Blackbirdblue30 why do you stay with them? They sound awful.

janex1 · 27/12/2022 21:49

Of course I knock first! A parent taking a cup of tea by previous arrangement is not an invasion of privacy. I would never go in if they weren't alone. Sad that doing something kind has that type of weird response from some mumsnetters ( wanking 🤔)

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 27/12/2022 22:01

janex1 · 27/12/2022 21:49

Of course I knock first! A parent taking a cup of tea by previous arrangement is not an invasion of privacy. I would never go in if they weren't alone. Sad that doing something kind has that type of weird response from some mumsnetters ( wanking 🤔)

Except there was no knock,no previous arrangement and OP was still asleep.

RupertBearsScarf · 27/12/2022 22:09

janex1 · 27/12/2022 21:49

Of course I knock first! A parent taking a cup of tea by previous arrangement is not an invasion of privacy. I would never go in if they weren't alone. Sad that doing something kind has that type of weird response from some mumsnetters ( wanking 🤔)

I think you need to reread the OPs post. It bears no resemblance to the scenario you are describing

saraclara · 27/12/2022 22:11

"Dad, the cup of coffee is great, but I sleep naked. Can you knock first so I can make sure I'm covered up please?"

Miss03852 · 27/12/2022 22:15

I hate the title of this thread so much, every time I see it on the main page I cringe! It looks really sinister 😫

NotTerfNorCis · 27/12/2022 22:30

Nobody should barge into a bedroom without warning, it's an invasion of privacy.

luxxlisbon · 27/12/2022 22:32

What have the ages got to do with anything?

My mum will often bring a tea into me if she’s up first and I’m staying with her. I don’t get the big deal, if you have that much of an issue you need to say something. You can’t whinge about it if you aren’t prepared to say anything.

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 27/12/2022 22:35

luxxlisbon · 27/12/2022 22:32

What have the ages got to do with anything?

My mum will often bring a tea into me if she’s up first and I’m staying with her. I don’t get the big deal, if you have that much of an issue you need to say something. You can’t whinge about it if you aren’t prepared to say anything.

Of course she can if she knows any comments will be met with "he'd be furious, storm off in a strop and tell me I'm ungrateful.". She's either been conditioned to suck it up ,which does not mean she has to accept it or never moan about it (to others) or she's trying to avoid a massive argument At Christmas. Which is pretty decent of her.

dutysuite · 27/12/2022 22:39

This would bother me - my dad has never respected boundaries, just recently he came round to my house then waltzed upstairs and just walked into my teens bedroom, didn’t bother to knock either. I was pretty pissed off about him just walking into my teens bedroom.

Arseulaundress · 28/12/2022 10:32

@luxxlisbon What have the ages got to do with anything?

My mum will often bring a tea into me...

That's a significant difference.

God, women don't half protect men's self-appointed rights to trample over women's boundaries.

WhiskeyStones · 28/12/2022 10:44

It’s polite and normal to knock before going into a bedroom. I’ve done this with my children since they were about 8 and started to want privacy when dressing. You knock or call their name and wait to be told it’s ok to go in.

You need to tell him and if he doesn’t stop, don’t stay there. I’d be pissed off at being woke at 8am as well unless we had plans.

givethistokevin · 28/12/2022 10:52

luxxlisbon · 27/12/2022 22:32

What have the ages got to do with anything?

My mum will often bring a tea into me if she’s up first and I’m staying with her. I don’t get the big deal, if you have that much of an issue you need to say something. You can’t whinge about it if you aren’t prepared to say anything.

I have no example of my own as I didn't grow up with 2 parents but certainly from my DDs POV they will happily change their top/trousers (with bra/pants on ofc) in front of me, but not their Dad, so there is definitely a difference in Mum walking in on adult DD than Dad walking in.

OP gives detail about the relationship with her Dad which clearly shows this is about control. It's not a nice 'here's a cup of tea love' situation, because most Dads would knock first.