To think Christmas day is overwhelming, stressful and unenjoyable?!

[Hohumbugho]

I used to be very pro Christmas but am finding as I’m getting older I’m realising the day itself is just not fun - especially when hosting!

Enforced time in close quarters with family, (some (one!) of whom is incredibly difficult and raises my blood pressure any day of the year!), lots of unrelenting noise and busyness, driving miles to pick up aforementioned annoying relative, the evils of cooking the 3 million elements of a Christmas roast with no chance of keeping it hot or yourself cool, DD who you actually want to spend time with but gets sidelined in the craziness of Christmas jobs and who was then completely wiped out by lunchtime due to excitement, oh and the added fun this year of a pricey electronic present for DD which wouldn’t fudging work after hours of trying!!

DH and I both got the the end of the day once all had left and DD was asleep feeling exactly the same, and agreeing we’re not sure we really like ‘people’ 🤣😱. We had also got tetchy with each other at points in the day due to all the above, and around 10pm I literally had a little cry after the overwhelm of the day…

The only bit we loved of the day was first thing, with just us two and our very excited 3 year old, opening presents and really feeling the Christmas magic…yep, 7am-9am was the day highlight 🤣

I’m thinking pizza next year…or running away…

Anyone else feeling my pain?!

I've said yanbu because hosting is hard but we had a good day for once.

You aren't doing it for yourself. You are doing it for your dd and other family members. Make sure you get some you time elsewhere.

Yep. Autistic DS got overwhelmed and bit me on the face. He would only eat Pringles all day, told me he expected more presents and was generally an insufferable little twat. I also cried when everyone left. Then I ate cold roast potatoes and drank champagne until I felt better! 😉

Lots of sympathy here - you’re not alone! 🙌

I think it can be very tough hosting, particularly if you are the default host and no one else ever takes a turn.

It can definitely be a hard day.

While it’s all fresh from in your mind sit down and chat with your DH about how you can do it differently next year. Either not hosting or getting people to bring more so not all the burden is on you.

it SHOULD be a nice day.

Hosting is a lot of work. It works best when everyone pulls their weight - brings a dish, helps clear up etc.

So many women seem to be complete martyrs at Christmas. Every year you see it on here - women shopping and wrapping and planning and cooking and trying to make it magical for the kids…and everyone else around them doing fuck all. Break that cycle and you’ll have a much better time!

I don't, but I am also not as nice or tolerant a person as it sounds like you are, as I simply don't invite people, even family members, who won't muck in and help or who will make the day stressful.

We had a wonderful day, despite hosting, but we had family and friends who all took on a job for the day (some prepped veg before they arrived, some did the washing up and putting away, some helped with getting everything on the table at the right time). It essentially turned into a big team effort and meant we all had lots of time to chat and enjoy the fun aspects of Christmas, and no one ended the day feeling stressed and overwhelmed. I won't invite people who expect to just park themselves on my sofa all day to be hosted (have me run around after them like a blue arse fly). The only one who gets that privilege is my Dad, and that's because he is older with various health conditions that mean he genuinely can't run about doing stuff, and he entertains DS from his armchair whilst we're all busy, so he's helping anyway.

It can be hard, especially if you are making Christmas for other people.

I hope you have a lovely calm, relaxed, fun, boxing day xx

It’s not my favourite day of Christmas and never has been, even when I was younger. There’s a lot of pressure for what is essentially a day with your family, eating.

Think about what you’d do differently next year.

We gp out for dinner with dh family on Xmas eve so no cooking and then back to ours.for drinks and presents and they leave early evening.

We have Xmas day just us 3, dh cooks and we have a lovely relaxing day with presents and film and a game.

Boxing day we.go to my family for.boxing day food and presents etc.

It helps to break it down and not try to host a.load of people imo

We ran away this year and it’s been wonderful, booked it on Boxing Day last year after feeling exactly the way you do. It’s been just dh and I and the Dc, and I have had the most relaxing Christmas Day ever. Today we are going for a walk along the seafront and dh and dc will watch the football and I will go for a run (instead of doing Christmas Day all over again with dh’s family which is what we normally do Boxing Day) - I highly recommend it

all 3 dc said yesterday, without prompting, that it was the best Christmas Day we’d ever had and I’m inclined to agree

YABU - do it the way you want to in future - your choice.

Unfortunately we are the default hosts now as there’s really just my and DH at the younger end of our families. Guests are all the older generation and not in best health.

To be fair there was some veg prep help from a couple of them, and DH helped a bit, but that was it.

I’d love to not host anyone…however that would leave certain elderly family members completely by themselves which then leaves me feeling guilt ridden and mean.

I think the same, there is a lot of pressure on the day.
We do things differently now - host/visit extended family on a different day, the week before, or week after Christmas.
Have a nice meal together, but it isn’t Christmas dinner, so fewer expectations, it always just seems much more relaxed.
Open presents to and from extended family - everyone tends to have just one or two presents, so quite low key.

Christmas day itself just our family, small Christmas dinner, time to focus on presents to each other, play board games, go for a walk.

I’m thinking pizza next year…

There's me, DH and 2 cats - how hard can it be??

Well, he wouldn't get out of the kitchen. He kept talking at me and expecting an answer, I burnt the chicken. He stirred the sprouts so they fell apart I overcooked them but couldn't get why I kept moving him away from the oven. 🤦‍♀️

As Christmas day is a Monday next year, and I flatly refuse to shop on Sat or Christmas Eve for bread/veg, I've decided I'm doing a roast dinner the weekend before and after but on Christmas Day it will be either pasta bake or pizza.

This is why I prefer Boxing Day. Think I'm gonna change things up next year. I felt like everyone else had a great day but for me it was stressful and felt like I missed the whole day. The morning was lovely, but went a bit down hill after that.

Im sure some may think us rude, but we’re not hosting anyone other than one set of parents per Xmas while DC are little. Extended family are welcome to pop by for a morning snack or an evening drink (I can’t believe you have to collect family!) But trying to host vast amounts of family for dinner, whilst ensuring DC enjoy the day and carving out some downtime for ourselves seems totally impossible. DH and I are in healthcare so we get barely anytime off (if any at all) - what we have I want to enjoy. If you are always expected to host just don’t do it next year would be my suggestion.

It is literally just us three today at least - other relatives we usually see today are helpfully (lol) ill so we’ve gained a day! Planning nothing but eating leftovers, chocolate, and watching Christmas films 👍

I like hosting and would say it’s a breeze for me but I have MIL here who is a bit like Lady Whiteadder, though she isn’t religious. She is just positively puritanical plus also sexist towards here own sex.

The day after boxing day is always my day. Roll on tomorrow. Guests will be gone, and house cleaned, beds remade by end of today, then tomorrow just to sit and enjoy.

I’m neither a very nice nor tolerant person which I think is why I struggle lol! 🤣

For all those who hate the hosting, why do you continue doing it?

We stopped a few years ago and now love our "quiet" Christmasses. It used to be a bloody nightmare with all the organising and stress ahead of the day, then "having" to entertain people you have nothing in common with and wouldn't be friends if they weren't your relatives. And of course, them having to reciprocate so that means even more time in stressful situations with people you'd rather not spent hours with. Not to mention ageing relatives, i.e. those with dementia who've not got a clue, and otherwise with health problems - like the classic time my mother turned up with granny and greeted us with "have you a towel for her to sit on as she's got the trots and leaking!".

Thank heavens we don't do any of that anymore.

We just grew a pair of balls and said no. We let the families do what they want to do and we just stay home, just us and our son. We had yet another blissful Christmas yesterday just slobbing around the house, opening a few token presents, eating a decent meal (which we'd do anyway at weekend), and basically enjoying a day off., A day off from work, a day off from relatives, etc.

Funnily enough, we know loads of people who've not gone back to Christmas gatherings after the two years when we couldn't due to covid - they've used it as an excuse to break the habit.

We've always thought it must be really lovely if you have relatives that you actually get on with and are comfortable around, without having to pretend you're something you're not. I'd really envy that kind of family, but the reality is that it's very rate and you end up with having to bite your tongue, having to put up with snide/sarcastic remarks dressed up as small-talk, jokes, etc. No thanks.

Oh bless you. Christmas and neurodivergent kiddies don’t always go well… even my neurotypical one clearly found it super overwhelming so you have my sympathy!

Props on the champagne and cold roasties combo!!

Don't do it like that again.
if you really have to have the rellies for dinner then reduce the time they are there for and literally just have them for an hour before and after the meal. Prep dinner things in advance or buy elements that mean it's easier to put together. Change the time of dinner if that suits you so you've done and got everybody gone before too late so you still have a bit of day left. Or accept your day is going to be a bit meh and have a family day the day before or after - you can bring in your own traditions and maybe give DD your gifts on Xmas eve if you like so you can enjoy them?

Sounds blissful! 🥰🎄

That’s exactly how I felt. Not quite sure what to change (new relatives?!!), but am definitely refusing to repeat it exactly next year…