Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of MIL

55 replies

failinghard · 25/12/2022 17:03

Just that really.

Doesn't help with cooking.

Doesn't help clearing up.

Doesn't top up water filter.

Doesn't bring any food, treats or booze.

Just complains at the size of her portions she is served up.

Always this way. Every year. She is fit and healthy and fairly young.

I have a young child who wants to be attached to me, instead I am doing things for her.

OP posts:
Gwdihooooo · 25/12/2022 17:04

What’s your DH done today?

Wanderingoff · 25/12/2022 17:04

What are all the males doing or is it only the females who are obligated to do the domestic chores?

for example - ehybisnt your husband doing any of that?

or a father in law?

Keyansier · 25/12/2022 17:05

What's your husband been doing?

donttellmehesalive · 25/12/2022 17:05

Where's her son in this? Shouldn't he be entertaining her? When you invite her, could you ask her to bring something?

Frosty1000 · 25/12/2022 17:06

Yep, I have one of those! Just sits moaning her 7 yr old grandson is too noisy 🤦‍♀️. There's me and hubby running around like headless chickens.

Thankfully she's gone now.

Keyansier · 25/12/2022 17:06

Next year at her house, I think. You can spend a nice Christmas with your child relaxing whilst she runs around doing all the work. If she needs help she can ask her son.

Original poster
failinghard · 25/12/2022 17:16

My husband and I cooked the dinner (mainly my DH tbh) and her other son and me washed / cleared up with a bit of help from poorly SIL.

Same as last year, said she'd help and put her sons to work.

It's ridiculous

OP posts:
Original poster
failinghard · 25/12/2022 17:17

Not FIL in the picture

OP posts:
lipstickwoman · 25/12/2022 17:17

Do you make her feel comfortable enough to chip in, or is she terrified of doing the wrong thing

Original poster
failinghard · 25/12/2022 17:18

Sadly she lives in a tiny 1 bed flat so has NEVER once entertained us. Which is why I think she needs to be doing her bit when she comes here

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 25/12/2022 17:21

DH needs to start asking her to bring things and giving her jobs to do. You’re both making a choice to keep hosting her and complaining instead of trying to get her pitching in. You can stop.

Original poster
failinghard · 25/12/2022 17:23

@lipstickwoman I mean I think it would be more uncomfortable if I said 'excuse me can you help out pls' - if she offered I would delegate but she just likes sitting on her arse too much

I said I want to go away next Xmas and I meant it

OP posts:
Bagzzz · 25/12/2022 17:39

Rightly or wrongly maybe she feels she did the preparation when her children were growing up. Maybe she thinks there are already enough people in the kitchen and it would be worse or has read certain threads here where help is not wanted from mothers or mothers in law.

You can get wound up or in future/now make specific requests. So your DH - mum can you prepare supper for this evening/for Boxing Day? Next year mum can you bring dessert/the alcohol/this year.

nokidshere · 25/12/2022 17:43

Maybe she doesn't feel comfortable in your home.

Either way this is not her fault it's yours. If you don't like it then change it. You have 'put up' with it 'every year' so she clearly thinks that's how you want it to be. If you don't then tell her. It doesn't have to be confrontational, just clear communication about what you want her to do.

nokidshere · 25/12/2022 17:46

I said 'excuse me can you help out pls

Who says that to family? Just say 'hey mil, can you give me a hand in the kitchen' or whatever it is you want her to do. Why wait for her to offer if you know,she's not going to and then let it spoil your mood. Pointless.

Wrinklydinkly · 25/12/2022 17:49

Next time,hand her a tea towel .

Blondlashes · 25/12/2022 17:50

When i have visitors at Christmas I just give them jobs. Usually by text eg DSis could you set the table/make the gravy etc.
We serve the food family style so everyone helps themselves. Much easier.
Maybe some options for next year? Or go out for Christmas lunch.

lipstickwoman · 25/12/2022 18:38

failinghard · 25/12/2022 17:23

@lipstickwoman I mean I think it would be more uncomfortable if I said 'excuse me can you help out pls' - if she offered I would delegate but she just likes sitting on her arse too much

I said I want to go away next Xmas and I meant it

Well yes, if you spoke to someone like that it would be uncomfortable. If you say 'would you mind giving me a hand with...' you'd probably get further.

I'm surprised she keeps coming tbh

AnnaKorine · 25/12/2022 19:40

Sounds like my MIL to be honest except at least she said dinner was nice and didn’t complain about portions.

EL8888 · 25/12/2022 19:44

Another vote for allocating jobs. Also ask her to contribute with alcohol or dessert etc if she’s tight

Calphurnia88 · 26/12/2022 08:06

I'm surprised she keeps coming tbh.

Eh? She gets waited on hand and foot without having to contribute a thing.

@failinghard another vote for allocating tasks. I'm currently at MIL and have been asking 'is there anything I can help with?' however she has also been asking for help with specific tasks throughout the day e.g. 'could somebody sort the gravy/set the table?' Everyone's been happy to chip in, no offense taken.

Bellevu · 26/12/2022 08:15

In the kitchen there was:
You
Husband
Bil
Sil

How much washing up was there that you're resenting your mother in law for not diving into the clearing up? Tbh bil and dh (or sil if she'd been fully recovered) is all it should have needed.

Sil could have topped 'up water filter'
Bil could have cleared away.

cantsing · 26/12/2022 08:17

failinghard · 25/12/2022 17:03

Just that really.

Doesn't help with cooking.

Doesn't help clearing up.

Doesn't top up water filter.

Doesn't bring any food, treats or booze.

Just complains at the size of her portions she is served up.

Always this way. Every year. She is fit and healthy and fairly young.

I have a young child who wants to be attached to me, instead I am doing things for her.

Give her a job to do- could you collect the plates up please?

Water filter- if she doesn't have one it's a hard thing to remember to do.

Don't serve her up such a small/large portion next year.

cantsing · 26/12/2022 08:18

failinghard · 25/12/2022 17:16

My husband and I cooked the dinner (mainly my DH tbh) and her other son and me washed / cleared up with a bit of help from poorly SIL.

Same as last year, said she'd help and put her sons to work.

It's ridiculous

How many of you need to help?!

And yes so what if her sons have to help?!! She's spent a large part of her life bringing them up presumably?

pictoosh · 26/12/2022 08:21

I don't top up the water filter when I'm in other people's houses either...am I supposed to offer?

Heh...sound like she's shredded your last one.

Swipe left for the next trending thread