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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be raging at the revolting beard my DH has grown

70 replies

mamaknowsbest12 · 24/12/2022 14:42

Every year DH goes through some weird phase of wanting to grown a beard. He is 38 and (not that it's particularly relevant) very handsome. 6ft2.

Usually he goes a couple of months and then shaves it so it's never really too much. This year he has grown it since about September and, I know I shouldn't say this, but it really repulses me. It is so thick and fluffy, you could twist the hair, he looks dirty.

He is not a clear speaker at the best of times but with all this hair around his mouth it's like constant muffles of sound and when he speaks I can't see his lips move properly with all the hair.

Food gets stuck in it. He looks old because all you can essentially see are some crows feet around his eyes.

My DM, MIL, any (of my) friends he meets all say how terrible it looks. Literally no one sees him without commenting on the beard. His own friends however are asking him to send photos to the lads' WhatsApp group and keep complimenting him at how good it looks, like it is some masculine feat.

I have asked him several times to shave it and he refuses. It's like he is now enjoying the extent to which I hate it. I cannot kiss him.

I really thought it would be gone for Christmas but doesn't look like it.

AIBU to feel raging about this. WWYD?

OP posts:
Mamette · 24/12/2022 14:45

I don’t think you can make him shave it OP.

All you can really do is say you find him handsome when he’s clean-shaven.

If it’s a barrier to intimacy I’d start to wonder why he’s picking the beard tbh.

nancydroo · 24/12/2022 14:49

Beards are gross. Just keep bluntly telling him he's unattractive with a beard when it comes up

BatshitBanshee · 24/12/2022 14:49

He is 38.

Not a child. He can do what he wants with his own face and his own body hair. You need to have a think about why a physical thing is so detrimental to how you feel about him if you're repulsed, can't kiss him, demanding (asking several times is demanding) he shave it, saying you hate it and how old he looks.

YABVVVVU and if this was a man saying similar about his wife's hairstyle/hair colour/body hair he'd be hung drawn and quartered.

KitchiHuritAngeni · 24/12/2022 14:49

I'd probably get him some nice beard shampoo and oil and maybe some trimmers for Xmas and keep my mouth shut about my feelings.

If you comment on his personal grooming then he can start commenting if you don't shave your legs for a couple of weeks or dont wear makeup or whatever too, and that's no way for either of you to live.

Must be nice to have a break from shaving for a while.

cushioncovers · 24/12/2022 14:52

I love beards but food being stuck in it would be a big no no from me. You can't force him to shave it off but you can keep on at him if he's not keeping it clean.

JoyBeorge · 24/12/2022 14:53

To men they are a mark of masculinity because not everyone can grow one. If it's kept well I don't mind them but I can't stand thin wispy beards. A thick well grown and well trimmed beard can be very sexy on the right man.

jessieminto · 24/12/2022 14:54

I tried complaining on here about a lockdown mullet DH acquired, all I got was compliments for how handsome he looked. Bet he looks great with his beard OP! Xmas Grin

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 24/12/2022 15:00

I dont think it's the same thing as personal grooming.

Growing a big bushy beard can make your whole face look completely different. It changes the shape of your features. It gets food stuck in. It is all over your face if you kiss him. You can't avoid looking at it. An entire half of someones face is going to have a huge effect on how you see them

Its completely different to say a bit of leg hair, which is easily avoidable if he wasn't keen on how it looked or felt.

Mischance · 24/12/2022 15:04

LTB Grin

SomeCommonThing · 24/12/2022 15:10

YABVVVU

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 24/12/2022 15:13

I've never known my DH to get food stuck in his beard. I think grooming seems more of an issue than the beard itself 😬🤢

AllOfThemWitches · 24/12/2022 15:17

I need to know why it's relevant that he's 6ft2? I'd be suggest he grows his hair long too, personally.

AllOfThemWitches · 24/12/2022 15:17

Suggesting*

insufferableknowitall · 24/12/2022 15:19

Yabu. If a woman came on here complaining that her DH wants her to cut her hair because it was in a style she didn’t like everyone would be screaming “abuse!”

katseyes7 · 24/12/2022 15:24

My ex husband did this years ago. And it sounds like your your husband's is similar.
My ex's was disgusting. It was manky and unkempt (not trimmed or tidied in any way), it was bushy and scruffy, about five different colours, and looked like it had things living in it.
I couldn't go near it. I have asthma and it actually made me wheeze. I had to sleep in another room.
I've never, before or since, gone out with a man with facial hair. I really don't like it, not even a bit of stubble. Never have, never will. And like you, the more l asked him to shave it off, the more he stuck to his guns. And so did l.
If you didn't go out with him/marry him with a beard (particularly one that looks like a burst sofa) you're not being unreasonable.
To be fair, nor is he. His face, his choice. But he needs to appreciate that you find it nasty and unattractive, and you can't bear to kiss him with it.
If you like a man with a beard, great. Some of us don't.

MilkyYay · 24/12/2022 15:24

It sounds like he isn't properly trimming/maintaining.

He needsa beard trimmer & cleaning products etc to shape it & make sure its in good condition. You might find that its transformed. Can you compromise on him trimming it shorter and keeping it tidy around the mouth?

Chikapu · 24/12/2022 15:28

How on earth is he getting food stuck in it?

KillingLoneliness · 24/12/2022 15:28

I’m biased because I love a beard, does it just need a tidy at the barbers? My husband knows when his gets too long because it gets in the way when we kiss so then he gives it a trim/tidy but he looks so smart after a visit to the barber.

KangarooKenny · 24/12/2022 15:29

I agree with pp, LTB.

Autumndays123 · 24/12/2022 15:31

You can't control someone's hair/clothes/style etc. It's nothing to do with you. If you hate it so much then that is really unfortunate but it's also not his problem. If it's that bad, leave.

If a woman posted on here saying her husband was insisting she trimmed her public hair there would be choruses of LT(horrible)B

bellac11 · 24/12/2022 15:33

Mamette · 24/12/2022 14:45

I don’t think you can make him shave it OP.

All you can really do is say you find him handsome when he’s clean-shaven.

If it’s a barrier to intimacy I’d start to wonder why he’s picking the beard tbh.

Really? And if a man was saying that his wifes personal grooming was unattractive to him, perhaps unshaved legs or new hair cut or weight gain you would think it appropriate to say to her 'that it seems to be barrier to intimacy and I wonder why you're picking your weight/unshaved legs'?

fancyacuppatea · 24/12/2022 15:33

No way could I be married to Hagrid. Xmas Grin

I cannot stand facial hair. It creeps me out completely.

Crackof · 24/12/2022 15:34

@Mamette has called it I think.
He knows you can't stand it and won't kiss him with it, and there it stays.
You've been told.

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/12/2022 15:35

Do you wax or shave anything?

Stop.

MontyK · 24/12/2022 15:40

I'm imagining Mr Twit right now.....,

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