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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be raging at the revolting beard my DH has grown

70 replies

mamaknowsbest12 · 24/12/2022 14:42

Every year DH goes through some weird phase of wanting to grown a beard. He is 38 and (not that it's particularly relevant) very handsome. 6ft2.

Usually he goes a couple of months and then shaves it so it's never really too much. This year he has grown it since about September and, I know I shouldn't say this, but it really repulses me. It is so thick and fluffy, you could twist the hair, he looks dirty.

He is not a clear speaker at the best of times but with all this hair around his mouth it's like constant muffles of sound and when he speaks I can't see his lips move properly with all the hair.

Food gets stuck in it. He looks old because all you can essentially see are some crows feet around his eyes.

My DM, MIL, any (of my) friends he meets all say how terrible it looks. Literally no one sees him without commenting on the beard. His own friends however are asking him to send photos to the lads' WhatsApp group and keep complimenting him at how good it looks, like it is some masculine feat.

I have asked him several times to shave it and he refuses. It's like he is now enjoying the extent to which I hate it. I cannot kiss him.

I really thought it would be gone for Christmas but doesn't look like it.

AIBU to feel raging about this. WWYD?

OP posts:
Sunnytwobridges · 24/12/2022 15:45

I love a beard but only a nicely trimmed one. The food being stuck in it would gross me out and the fact he doesn’t keep it tidy and trimmed would be a problem for me. I would gently suggest he get it trimmed but I wouldn’t make any negative comments about it. I wouldn’t want my partner to tell me how I should wear my hair etc

OddsocksinmyDocs · 24/12/2022 16:57

@mamaknowsbest12 Of course you are being unreasonable. You are being VERY unreasonable! He is 38. If he asked you to change the way you look, would you willingly agree?

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 24/12/2022 17:03

Quit your grooming also op.
When your bikini line looks like Sherwood Forest he may see your point..
My dh has a beard at my suggestion!! If he wanted to shave it obviously his choice.

Proudofitbabe · 24/12/2022 17:09

YANBU, sounds rank. My DH periodically tries to grow one and once it gets to a certain point I insist it goes. I didn't marry one of the hairy bikers, sorry. If he wants to look like Santa he can find someone else who's attracted to that.

Smartiepants79 · 24/12/2022 17:15

I fought against my DH having a beard for years. Similar in that he’d tried beards but never got past a certain point.
During lockdown he grew it out and I’d now be very upset if he shaved it off.
At the end of the day, you can’t make him.
It shouldn’t be dirty.
It certainly doesn’t age my DH.

SameScriptDifferentCast · 24/12/2022 17:18

All I can picture is Mr Twit!
Dh grew a beard and I've always hated them so it's taken me a while but he does keep it trimmed and tidy so that's not too bad. I do tell him if he's got food stuck in it but it's not often.

Soothsayer1 · 24/12/2022 17:23

I can see why you dont like it...but (as I see it) it's not up to you how he styles his face.
Maybe cultivate your own moustache as a bit of a protest?
(cant say I'd fancy doing that myself tho😬)

Justellingthetruth · 24/12/2022 17:26

@mamaknowsbest12

hate beards on guys
i wouldn’t date a guy with a beard so tell him it has to go as you don’t like it

if he does it shows he does not care for your feelings

Hadtochangeforthisone · 24/12/2022 17:28

I am with you OP. Can't stand beards. If my DH grew one it would almost certainly make me less attracted to him.. which would have a consequence of reducing out sex live to nil.
I don't have the right to dictate his shaving choices but I do have the right to say no thanks to sleeping with a man I don't fancy .

What he does with that information is up to him.

TruckerBarbie · 24/12/2022 17:28

You need to have a think about why a physical thing is so detrimental to how you feel about him if you're repulsed, can't kiss him

Physical things affect physical attraction. Surely this isn't a revelation.

Dotjones · 24/12/2022 17:29

YANBU, he shouldn't have a beard if you haven't both agreed to it. Try pointing out some of the famous facial hair owners of the recent past and ask him if he wants to be considered as part of this group:
Adolf Hitler
Joseph Stalin
Peter Sutcliffe
Fred West
Harold Shipman
Gary Glitter
Rolf Harris
Osama Bin Laden

Consider too the fact that men with beards are more likely to cheat on their partners (47% do it versus 20% of clean-shaven men), steal or physically assault someone (Independent).

The Scroll sums things up nicely in their article "Why men in beards should never be trusted" - The next time you meet a bearded man, ask yourself a simple question.

What does this man have to hide?

Soothsayer1 · 24/12/2022 17:32

Dotjones · 24/12/2022 17:29

YANBU, he shouldn't have a beard if you haven't both agreed to it. Try pointing out some of the famous facial hair owners of the recent past and ask him if he wants to be considered as part of this group:
Adolf Hitler
Joseph Stalin
Peter Sutcliffe
Fred West
Harold Shipman
Gary Glitter
Rolf Harris
Osama Bin Laden

Consider too the fact that men with beards are more likely to cheat on their partners (47% do it versus 20% of clean-shaven men), steal or physically assault someone (Independent).

The Scroll sums things up nicely in their article "Why men in beards should never be trusted" - The next time you meet a bearded man, ask yourself a simple question.

What does this man have to hide?

YIKES!
now I think maybe only people with a license should be able to have a beard?

Soothsayer1 · 24/12/2022 17:33

but father christmas has a beard....surely that cancels out all the bad beards?

Suzi888 · 24/12/2022 17:34

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/12/2022 15:35

Do you wax or shave anything?

Stop.

🤣^ This 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂🤣🤣😂😂

YANBU food in it is gross!

OhmygodDont · 24/12/2022 17:37

Yanbu but neither is he I guess.

you don’t have to kiss him or anything though. My dh knows I won’t go near him if he has a beard. The texture and look just gives me the ick.

NashvilleQueen · 24/12/2022 17:39

Just as an aside in a thread about a beard why is his height relevant?!

Wrinklydinkly · 24/12/2022 17:47

Yuk .beards are awful food gathering monstrosities, horrible to look at horrible to touch and feel. I wouldn't be with a beardy. Luckily my husband wouldn't dream of growing one. I asked him if he ever would,he said not unless he was in a coma .

Bigdamnheroes · 24/12/2022 18:07

Get some pink spray in dye from Claires, the one with glitter in it. Do it while he sleeps and blame it on the child. It'll be gone within the hour.

Avalavalanche · 24/12/2022 18:15

Dotjones · 24/12/2022 17:29

YANBU, he shouldn't have a beard if you haven't both agreed to it. Try pointing out some of the famous facial hair owners of the recent past and ask him if he wants to be considered as part of this group:
Adolf Hitler
Joseph Stalin
Peter Sutcliffe
Fred West
Harold Shipman
Gary Glitter
Rolf Harris
Osama Bin Laden

Consider too the fact that men with beards are more likely to cheat on their partners (47% do it versus 20% of clean-shaven men), steal or physically assault someone (Independent).

The Scroll sums things up nicely in their article "Why men in beards should never be trusted" - The next time you meet a bearded man, ask yourself a simple question.

What does this man have to hide?

Don't you have anything better to dp on Christmas eve than make ridiculous troll posts?

somethinsomethin · 24/12/2022 19:16

Physical things affect physical attraction. Surely this isn't a revelation.

Go on any thread about a dh going off a dw after she puts on weight and apparently it is. It's the most unacceptable thing ever, apparently.

Bepis · 24/12/2022 19:20

nancydroo · 24/12/2022 14:49

Beards are gross. Just keep bluntly telling him he's unattractive with a beard when it comes up

Is it just me who finds this awful? It would be like a man telling a woman she is unattractive with her hairstyle. Cruel.

Leave him to it, it's his face at the end of the day. I actually prefer my DH with a beard but if he wants to shave it, that's fine too. I love him beard or not.

CaptainBarbosa · 24/12/2022 19:37

I feel for you OP.

My late husband who had lovely afro Carribbean hair, once decided to sport a hairstyle that I could only describe as "sideshow bob" from the Simpsons. I didn't mind an afro, didn't mind short back and sides, but this particular hairstyle literally went off in different directions to "points" 😂 I hated it, hated the way he looked with it.

But ......

It was his hair, his personal image, his choice.

He changed it eventually. He would ask if I liked it and I'd just go "it's ummm interesting, but it's your hair you do what you want"

Maybe just leave him get on with it, and he will probably groom it eventually.

PennyRa · 24/12/2022 19:44

His body, his choice. You can't bully him into doing something he doesn't want to

greenacrylicpaint · 24/12/2022 19:56

his body his choice.

but yanbu not to like it.

personally they remind me of pubes-not something I want to associate with a face

starfro · 24/12/2022 19:59

No sex until he gets rid of it.

Problem sorted.