To want to stop buying my adult nieces and nephews expensive Xmas presents

[Thewifefury]

Having the standard what do you want for xmas chat with my sis, and she says don't buy me and or my partner anything expensive - just buy for the kids. Which I'd totally accept if her kids were children - but all three of her offspirng are young adults in their 20s. These adults dont buy my only child who is 9 a present for bday or christmas (although my sis does and puts all their names on). I've religously bought them all generous Christmas and bday presents but now the eldest is 21 I'm thinking I can drop the expensive gifts. I'll get them something small as a token, but I'm thinking its time to draw a line. Anyone else experienced similar?

It’s a bit late to be having the conversation this year but not unreasonable to discuss it for next year!

Just buy them something small. I think it's fine for them to give a gift as a family. I still get gifts from my aunts and uncle but only little things like a scarf or a plant.

i just get mine a box of chocolates.

As soon as new year is over, tell her. Don’t have a conversation where you could go back on it, just say no more.

I think 20s is very reasonable to stop. Or my mum used to give her adult nephews/nieces a box of beer/bottle of Prosecco but only when they were still relatively young.

We have a big family and it's an unofficial rule that presents stop at 18 (except milestone birthdays). Card and best wishes only after that.

I have a cousin a week older than me, we are the oldest on that side of the family. Until I was 25, my dad would dutifully pop £20 voucher in the post to her each birthday, and her parents would dutifully return me a £20 voucher the next week. My dad decided enough was enough and called and said he’d be stopping, I think his brother was quite relieved too 😂

perfectly acceptable to stop now they’re all adults!!

Urgh... hit the button too soon.

Of the eldest is 21 you could just say 21 is the limit.

Uncles and aunts stopped buying for us once we reached 18. We’re all much older now and siblings have stopped buying for each other too. Now we just buy for our own nephews and nieces who are all aged between 10 and 2.

I have loads of nieces and nephews and I decided that I would buy a Christmas present until they were working themselves. Some stayed on at school, some left to do apprenticeships or train and others worked after 'A' levels, others went to uni and left after three years and the youngest one will graduate next year after a four year course. Phew!

As soon as all our nieces/nephews hit 21 the presents stopped. We agreed within the family.

Just stop next year. Pretty sad if they are adults and don't buy for your DC. I have stopped with my adult neices & nephews, and they now buy for my young DC

We stop at 18 in our family

We stop at 18 too. It’s presents for children and secret Santa for adults.

I think you can go with a token gift this year. If they don’t bother to buy you (or their cousin) anything much then they can’t be upset when you get something small for them.

21+ is more than old enough to scale back on.

Just make a rule once they hit 21 you don’t buy them presents anymore…it’s 18 in our family but guess your past that now

We have 7 adult nieces and nephews on dh’s side and still buy them gifts. They are in their 20s-30s and some have their own dc which we also buy for. It’s just ridiculous because I don’t know most of them that well to actually buy something they’re really want. I don’t begrudge the money really, it’s just wasteful.

None of them buy us or our dc (actual children) gifts despite having proper jobs. I’m not sure if that makes it better ( less waste ) or worse ( no incentive for them to want to stop). My sister in laws buy my dc gifts from the whole family.

I’ve told dh this is the last year. I feel awkward suggesting under 18s only as mine are the only dc under 18 out of the cousins, so I’ll probably just suggest stopping gifts altogether. I think it’s reasonable and better for the environment.

Is this a riddle!? If all 3 of her children are in their 20's and the eldest is 21 does that make them triplets 🤣

YANBU. Your sister is a cheeky cow to out 5 names on one present for your dd and yet expects presents for her adult dc. She can fuck right off.

Don’t buy them presents OP. Get Celebrations bags, £3 each in Tesco.

I stop at 18, generally, altho they might get a voucher for a chain restaurant they like while they are still students. I think that's reasonable, given that most of the godchildren/nieces/nephews now earn more than me, and I have spent hundreds on them over the years.

My sister in law (widowed, my brother died) said to me she was going to stop buying for my adult daughter because she had to watch the pennies. She still buys for my 11 yo. Both me and DD were absolutely fine with this because it meant I didn't have to buy for her 3 grown up children. I buy for my niece who is her child with my brother and is still little. I think it's fine. Just be straightforward, I appreciated my SIL's honesty and she did us all a favour 🤷🏻‍♀️

Also in my ex-h's family, they buy up to 16 and then it stops. I found this weird as I'd watched my mum buy 40 gifts for the many children in my family, it was ridiculous looking back. I think that having an age limit is a good idea.

If you can give them this year but also casually say enjoy as it is the last one because you stop gifts at 21. It is a bit awkward the first year but at 21 they are old enough to understand and be grateful for 21 years of presents!

I'm wondering this as my eldest nephew is now 18yo!

This year I've bought him a couple of token gifts but it does feel a bit pointless. Likewise when can I stop putting money in his birthday card.

The replies have given me the incentive to address my own situation.
Adult neice and nephew, live other end of country. Don't see from one years end to the next. Never thank me. This is the last year