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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Working from home with a 1 year old?

210 replies

Janedoe95 · 23/12/2022 19:26

Is it possible? Or completely unrealistic.

I work a 9-5 but I’m lucky that my job is more task based I’ve only been back to work a week but have managed to get all my work done using nap time, bedtime and sending the odd email whilst DS is distracted.

is it unrealistic to think I can survive like this for maybe 6 more months hopefully by the time DS is 18 months or even two it will be easier?

im only in my office two days a week so was initially planning for DS to be in nursery 3 days but the prices have just gone up and it’s so expensive!

I'm on almost 28K which I thought was a fair salary to have a baby on but 5 days a week would cost me nearly £2000 a month! Which is obviously more than I earn.

i think I’d probably be better off on benefits staying at home with my baby whilst my partner works but I’d be completely reliant on my partner and then have no pension too.

(my work do know my baby is around when I work from home some days as I breastfeed but they also don’t expect me to be looking after him and working so “legally he’s being watched by someone else”)

I really don’t know how other women do it especially single mums the I’m 26 and the majority of mums I know my age don’t work and others are having babies mid to late 30s and 40s

OP posts:
summergone · 23/12/2022 19:41

I have just looked after my 16 month old great nephew since 5pm no way could I have been working too

bridgetjonesmassivepants · 23/12/2022 19:41

Please don't do this. Just take the bullet and pay for the childcare. The first few years of your child's life are the most formative, they need your, or someone else's, full attention.

Danikm151 · 23/12/2022 19:42

Have you looked into tax free childcare?

look around at nurseries in your area. Full time near my work was £1000 per month but a local one is £800 big difference.
childminders can be cheaper too

your partner should be contributing towards the cost of childcare too especially if you’re living together.

BabyOnBoard90 · 23/12/2022 19:43

You came to the wrong forum if you were hoping to get some constructive responses.

We are also planning to trial doing something similar in a couple months.

Try what you can and then adapt if you need to.

Original poster
Janedoe95 · 23/12/2022 19:44

Ahh it looks like the overwhelming answer is no.

I do have a fairly easy job and I’m 95% certain I could get everything done during the two days I’m in the office and would block out my diary so I don’t have any calls whilst my DS is there

my partner also does help I’m just thinking about finances over all and comparing whether we’d be better off as a family but I completely agree with the people saying my experience and prospects and pension from working are all factors worth considering too

OP posts:
Quveas · 23/12/2022 19:44

Have you told your employer that you intend to be a full- time carer for your child on your working days? Have they agreed this and has their insurer? Are you aware that you are equally responsible in law for health and safety at work, including in your own home?

Perhaps some employers are fine with such arrangements. Ask them, and get their permission in writing. Then you'll be OK.

Where I work, and most places I know, it not acceptable and you can be dismissed or disciplined for it.

user159 · 23/12/2022 19:44

I agree it gets harder not easier. 9-5 in the house everyday isn't fair on the child either. Lockdowns were awful, I felt like a shit parent and a shit employee, I wouldn't do it out of choice ( also my contract explicitly says wfh says must have childcare or words to that effect which is pretty standard now in my field.

ChildcareIsBroken · 23/12/2022 19:44

Childcare is expensive and that's awful.

But would you work from the office and take care of your baby? This is no different. It's not fair to your employer or to your child.

NoelNoNoel · 23/12/2022 19:44

It’s never the dad trying this mad juggle.

Original poster
Janedoe95 · 23/12/2022 19:45

I have also looked into tax free childcare it does help a little but if we were to do 5 days a week I don’t even think I’d be breaking even with my salary still or making very little

OP posts:
Letitrainletitrainletitrain · 23/12/2022 19:45

You came to the wrong forum if you were hoping to get some constructive responses

Aka you have come to the forum where people will give you realistic responses based on life experience

SD1978 · 23/12/2022 19:47

Sorry, the simple answer is no. You're doing a half arsed job of working now, if you're using your child's 'downtime' to work only, and when they are walking and getting into things, there will be less downtime, and they need watched more. So you'll be less than even half arsing your job.

TheOrigRights · 23/12/2022 19:47

I can only just WFH with my thirteen YEAR old! Of course I can work with him there now, but I'm just not as focussed when he's at home. Hate telling him not not bother me. He might just be asking if a mate can come over, or letting me know he's going out, or asking where something is but it interrupts me.
I had proper childcare full time until secondary school.

Quveas · 23/12/2022 19:48

Janedoe95 · 23/12/2022 19:44

Ahh it looks like the overwhelming answer is no.

I do have a fairly easy job and I’m 95% certain I could get everything done during the two days I’m in the office and would block out my diary so I don’t have any calls whilst my DS is there

my partner also does help I’m just thinking about finances over all and comparing whether we’d be better off as a family but I completely agree with the people saying my experience and prospects and pension from working are all factors worth considering too

Sorry, I'm perhaps being naive. I thought you meant to try to work from home whilst looking after your child at the same time. You actually mean to claim to work from home and actually not do - to commit fraudulent time keeping? I can't beehive your really ask if that's OK. No, it's theft. And we would dismiss for it. Full stop.

Babyboomtastic · 23/12/2022 19:48

Janedoe95 · 23/12/2022 19:44

Ahh it looks like the overwhelming answer is no.

I do have a fairly easy job and I’m 95% certain I could get everything done during the two days I’m in the office and would block out my diary so I don’t have any calls whilst my DS is there

my partner also does help I’m just thinking about finances over all and comparing whether we’d be better off as a family but I completely agree with the people saying my experience and prospects and pension from working are all factors worth considering too

Could you try to negotiate doing compressed days 2.5 in 2, with the other half a day being made up in the evenings?

That way you don't need an extra day of childcare, and your actually get to spend that extra day with your child.

waterrat · 23/12/2022 19:49

It gets harder not easier to properly look after toddlers and young children. They need more exercise and play and socialisation and naps go up and down with teething etc. By 2 my son was often not napping or not at a regular time

Its not your salary that covers childcare its the salary of both parents

Could you both change your hoirs or go part time

That sounds v expensive childcare have you looked at childminders.

Babyboomtastic · 23/12/2022 19:51

One sec, I've got that wrong. You're going to basically lie to your employer about 3 working from home days. That's really wrong.

And it does get a lot harder to wfh in the toddler years. A lot.

nosyupnorth · 23/12/2022 19:52

I would not be happy if a coworker did this and would have zero confidence in their ability to be properly focused on their job and suitable responsive to work activities which also managing the needs of a child at a highly attention intensive age.

I've known people do it as a one off in an emergency and in those circumstances I don't mind being forgiving, but it was obvious they weren't focused on the job and it wasn't something that would be acceptable long term/regularly.

EasterIssland · 23/12/2022 19:52

Janedoe95 · 23/12/2022 19:44

Ahh it looks like the overwhelming answer is no.

I do have a fairly easy job and I’m 95% certain I could get everything done during the two days I’m in the office and would block out my diary so I don’t have any calls whilst my DS is there

my partner also does help I’m just thinking about finances over all and comparing whether we’d be better off as a family but I completely agree with the people saying my experience and prospects and pension from working are all factors worth considering too

Unrealistic. I’ve managed to do two days this week with my son at home and he’s spent all the time on tv by me. Completely not the kind of life I want for him but it was half term and for personal reasons I didn’t want t to send him to a school club this time

however what you’re saying is working 2 days and being paid 5. Which not sure your employer would be happy with. Not sure your role but blocking days not to have calls? Every week? Good luck with that. Other people have agendas as well and need to fit the calls around their agendas.

BrookieButter · 23/12/2022 19:52

It’s very realistic, although many on here will claim otherwise.

Ive been WFH with mine (DD is currently 2.5) since returning from maternity leave when she was 14 months.

I am in a professional role, I decide my calendar, work around naps and emailing isn’t difficult whilst dealing with a small child, she gets the benefit of being at home with me and my workplace benefit in keeping me in role (took them over a year to recruit for my role so weren’t phased when I mentioned my plan when coming off mat leave)

Pothoswithasparkle · 23/12/2022 19:52

Can I get the info for job which pays 28k and you can do it during kid's nap time?
I don't have kids but the free time instead would be really good.

xmaslurgy · 23/12/2022 19:53

As a one off emergancy help nursery is shut/ my child is poorly but not too poorly situation it can just about work if your manager is OK with the situation and you are going to catch up in evenings etc. As a regular plan. No. You have to watch toddlers. They eat things they shouldn't. They climb they grab things. It could end in tragedy.

PurBal · 23/12/2022 19:53

Nope. I’m on less money by the way. And our childcare bill has gone up 10% in 6 months. I work 4 days. 3 days nursery, generous family provide childcare once a week. We manage because we have to. I wouldn’t be able to do my job looking after my toddler full time. What about your partner? Don’t they contribute toward childcare?

cadburyegg · 23/12/2022 19:53

BabyOnBoard90 · 23/12/2022 19:43

You came to the wrong forum if you were hoping to get some constructive responses.

We are also planning to trial doing something similar in a couple months.

Try what you can and then adapt if you need to.

So you haven't actually had experience of wfh with a toddler but you're suggesting those saying it's a bad idea are being too negative?

Plenty of us were given no choice but to do this over lockdown. It's not like we have no idea what we're talking about.

BrookieButter · 23/12/2022 19:54

Letitrainletitrainletitrain · 23/12/2022 19:45

You came to the wrong forum if you were hoping to get some constructive responses

Aka you have come to the forum where people will give you realistic responses based on life experience

But it’s not based on life experience on the most part, many on here have a very outdated view of work and this carries through to their opinions when posts like this crop up