colleague drives past my house every morning...

[BarrelOfOtters]

That part is fine, it's on her way to work. But I get a comment almost every day - saw a van on your drive - are you getting more work done? Saw your husband putting the cat in the car - off to the vets? Whose is the blue car?

I'm not particularly bothered by it but just enough to think - you know?

Wondering what I can say/do to put her off a bit.

Perfect !

I live next door to two very nosey neighbours, being blunt in a response usually helps…i.e stop being nosey then walk off.

This type of person is absolutely tone deaf to social norms. In your situation I’d take one of 2 approaches.

1. if you want to stop her, tell her to stop commenting on your house every day. It risks bad feeling but it might stop it.
2. suck it up - it’s a few seconds of your morning. Just reply ‘mmm’ and ignore.

Just tell her you find her constant questions and apparent surveillance of your home to be intrusive and unwelcome. She's a nosy mare, tell her so.

Is she poor at small talk generally? Or very nosy?
I like the suggestion upthread of saying ‘Goodness, you know more about my house than I do’ and laugh.

You must have an awful lot going on outside your house for her to notice something to comment on "almost every day". Anyone driving past our house would see a house almost every day and that's it!

I like the idea of making things up 😄.
If she queries later, deny all knowledge.

Or say 'Shouldn't you be looking at the road a bit more!'

I have a colleague who does this. My house backs on to a private car park and one morning she told me that she had walked around the car park to see if she could work out which was my back garden. Weirdo alert!

Anyway, when she mentions something she's seen in relation to my house/my cat/my car etc, I just say "how fascinating for you". It's a bit rude of me but I am sick of her telling me that she is effectively keeping tabs on what I'm doing.

Last week she told me that she had seen me walking through our town on the Saturday before. And??? So I just came out with the usual "how fascinating for you". It works in almost every situation.

"Are you compiling a quiz about me?"

’gosh am I allowed any privacy?’ -tinkly laugh-

‘I might have to move house if I get any more snooping’

‘I wish you didn’t know where I lived’

This. I get why it bothers you because its bloody weird- who does that? its so intrusively nosy, like flipping big brother. I'd start making up outlandish stories and she'll probably soon take the hint.

’Keep your eyes on the road, you don’t want to cause a crash’.

Be sure to stand outside one day with a banner reading 'NOTHING TO SEE HERE PAM. MOVE ALONG'

Perfect 🤣

Get some mannequin legs rolled up in a rug. Put it in the boot of your car as she's passing.

INTENSELY annoying. YANBU @BarrelOfOtters I can only suggest as a few posters have said

'why don't you knock on my door and give me a lift?!' (Then again she might agree!! So only say this if you want it.)

'you'll cause an accident staring at my house whilst driving!'

or

'careful, you'll catch my husband hanging his red thong out of you're not careful!'

Sadly, I don't think any of the above ^ will stop her. Some people are just cheeky fuckers and think their opinion is soooo important, and that they MUST ask questions all the time. intruding and nosing into peoples lives. I can't imagine being like that.

Just recently I know a few people who have experienced similar...

.....One woman has been asked continually by one particular woman why she doesn't work, when is she going to get a job again, how can she not WORK?

.....One man I know has had a couple of colleagues at work wondering how he copes financially when he only works 3 days a week and his wife works 2?

...One young woman I know is grilled constantly by a cousin as to why she is not married yet, at nearly 30 and being with her man for 7 years?! 'why hasn't he asked you yet?'

Also, re; the nosey woman in your scenario OP. One time a colleague of mine went past my house on the bus (when I lived on a bus route obvs) and took a photo of me hanging the washing in the car port as the bus was passing,' The bus stop was only 90 feet or so from my driveway, so the bus was only doing 10-mph when it passed... She put it on facebook and twitter 'for a laugh... #busyhousewifeinPeacockRoad and also tagged me in.

I was fucking steaming. Not only because she took the intrusive photo, but because it advertised to EVERYONE where I fucking lived. The house was obvious because it had a loft extension when no other house in the 30 houses in the road had one. I untagged myself on facebook, but couldn't on twitter, and I messaged her and told her to take it down. She called me uptight and said I need to chill. I blocked her on facebook AND twitter after that, especially when she refused to remove the posts with my photo on. I moved about a year later, and she left shortly before, thankfully.

That is probably it!

We had building work going on for what seemed like a decade - so yes, for a long while there was something going on every day. But honestly, not so much now. She really is stretching some days....

My ex used to do the "who's is the blue car?" (Parked in the general vicinity of my house) Thing every time he came to pick DD up.

One day I just said "Oh, that's my male escorts car. He's waiting for me in my sex dungeon. Must dash. Bye!"

Shut him up.

I had a work mate like thus a few years ago , his questions seemed innocent to start with , like what did you have for tea , did you watch x on TV, stage where I felt like I was being bombarded by questions every lunchtime and not actually have a chance of a proper conversation.
So I would swap between giving the most elaborate convoluted answers I could think of one day and then one word answers the following day.

In your case @BarrelOfOtters I would be very tempted to put single words printed really large in your window for the next week or so.
Monday - what
Tuesday- are
Wednesday- you
Thursday- staring
Friday- at

She just sounds a bit thick with a boring life.

Obviously the massive temptation is to say 'OMG what blue car!!! That fucker swore he'd stopped cheating, I'm going to kill the the bastard!!' to entertain yourself, but don't -

I would just say 'Oh you know..'/ 'Oh stuff.. ' / 'Boring life admin..' to literally everything and float off. She will probably go and find someone else to annoy.

“Don’t crash while you’re busy nosying, will you?”

or perhaps (said with a very slight edge to your voice) “You don’t miss anything, do you.”

What is your sense of her motivation? I could imagine that she means well and doesn’t really get how this is landing with you. If that’s the case, you probably need to be up front and tell her that her commenting on your house every day feels a bit strange and you’d like her to stop.

If you think she’s trying to wind you up, then I’d be more forceful. But whatever her motivation is, as funny as a lot of the suggestions up thread are, I doubt any of them would work. I think you need to be direct.

"Gosh, who needs Neighbourhood Watch with you around Pam?"

@WhenDovesFly perfect ! 😂

Leave a gimp mask on your windowsill..