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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH spending on relatives Christmas presents, AIBU?

69 replies

fairylightfanatic · 22/12/2022 22:27

We are average/slightly below-average earners with reasonable disposable income but saving this up for a house deposit, every penny counts! DH wants to spend £110 on 3 front row theatre tickets for his auntie’s Christmas present with the idea she’d take her friends. She was like a mother to him growing up in the absence of his own.

There are cheaper theatre tickets with equally good views ie in the dress circle but he won’t entertain this and says she deserves the best seats and something that makes her happy, the value is not important to him but I know it will make January tighter than it need be whatever he says.

I don’t want to be controlling but I am anxious enough as it is about the cost of living crisis and think the amount of money spent is excessive when you could get tickets to the same show for £50 in total in the dress or upper circle. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
fairylightfanatic · 22/12/2022 22:28

Not to drip feed but among my side of the family we have set a £30 limit, and I doubt his relatives will have spent anywhere like that figure on us (quite rightly! Christmas is for kids!)

OP posts:
UniversalTruth · 22/12/2022 22:30

Sorry but I think YABU - it doesn't matter what your side of the family will spend, if your DH can afford this without going into debt then I think it's his choice.

Theladyinred · 22/12/2022 22:31

It feels like he's spending money on her friends aswell rather than for his auntie. He could just buy 2 tickets at a cheaper price ? My ex was like this tho and whatever he wanted to get I had no say.

Wayk · 22/12/2022 22:31

If she was like a mother I can understand why he wants to give her the best. But I agree if you can good seats for half the price I buy them and And give her a box of chocolates to enjoy.

Beanbagtrap · 22/12/2022 22:31

Tricky, because I cannot stand anything but the best seats at the theatre, it just feels like a waste if you cant quite see everything in the best possible way.

Did you set spending limits before you started shopping?

nokidshere · 22/12/2022 22:31

I can't decide if you are being sensible or mean. It's his mum (or as good as) £110 for 3 theatre tickets is relatively cheap.

LBFseBrom · 22/12/2022 22:32

I think it is lovely that your husband wants to splash out on someone who has been such a positive figure in his life.

It won't take long to recover £110, please don't discourage him.

Onnabugeisha · 22/12/2022 22:34

I’m on the fence, I think that you should spend a roughly similar amount on each other’s families, but it doesn’t have to be a per person limit like you have at £30 each. If you’re buying 4 family members gifts at £30 each, you’d be spending just as much as him on his foster mum (aunt).

How many people are you each buying for? Is your family larger?

lunar1 · 22/12/2022 22:35

How many family members on each side are you buying for?

There is something really special about an adult who chooses to become your parent, I can see why he wants to do something nice.

5foot5 · 22/12/2022 22:36

fairylightfanatic · 22/12/2022 22:28

Not to drip feed but among my side of the family we have set a £30 limit, and I doubt his relatives will have spent anywhere like that figure on us (quite rightly! Christmas is for kids!)

Well YABU for that last comment alone, i.e., Christmas is for kids. Why shouldn't adults buy other adults nice presents.

You may have set a £30 limit for your family but you don't say how many people. For all you have told us here it could be that his auntie is the only person he is buying for while you might be spending £30on each of several family members.

Even if that is not the case I don't think that amount sounds too excessive if he can afford it without going in to debt.

Theydoyaknow · 22/12/2022 22:37

He is paying for a lovely experience for the mother figure in his life. Something he knows she will enjoy with her pals. It’s not about paying for tickets for the other ladies but giving his Aunt a night out she will remember. Fair play to him!

SmileWithADimple · 22/12/2022 22:38

I think YANBU. If you're saving then why not get the cheaper tickets.

Original poster
fairylightfanatic · 22/12/2022 23:01

Thanks everyone. I’d rather he got the cheaper tickets and a restaurant voucher etc or box of chocolates as PP suggested to go alongside. I just think it’s so lavish especially when we book extremely budget hotels whenever we stay away anywhere, and always look for cheaper options. Not sure.

OP posts:
Original poster
fairylightfanatic · 22/12/2022 23:04

Whoops, posted that too soon. I know it’s none of my business as we both earn and keep separate spending money aside from our joint account. She is a lovely, deserving person, and it is Christmas!

OP posts:
luxxlisbon · 22/12/2022 23:04

100 quid for a really special gift for the woman who raised you is really not crazy.
Your family decided to limit gifts to £30 - his did not.
I think it’s really controlling to dictate what he spends on a gift, even more so when you aren’t married.

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 22/12/2022 23:21

£110 per ticket? I wouldn’t thank you for front row at the theatre tbh, it’s not a great position.

why 3? 2 would make more sense.

how many people do you buy for vs him?

ultimately it’s his money though and he can treat who he likes

thinkfast · 22/12/2022 23:25

The front row seats are normally cheaper OP. So he's not going for the best seats. Most keen theatre goers don't want to be that close and (depending on the theatre) get neck ache looking up at the stage.

Ivyonafence · 22/12/2022 23:39

If it's from his own spending money, then it's up to him, isn't it? Isn't that the point of separate money?

If he wants to make a nice gesture and is happy to have less disposable income for himself as a result I think that's nice.

If it means you and the children will be impacted then YANBU.

Hard to tell, everyone manages money differently

Theydoyaknow · 22/12/2022 23:40

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 22/12/2022 23:21

£110 per ticket? I wouldn’t thank you for front row at the theatre tbh, it’s not a great position.

why 3? 2 would make more sense.

how many people do you buy for vs him?

ultimately it’s his money though and he can treat who he likes

€110 for 3

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 22/12/2022 23:41

yeah I couldn’t get stressed out about that from his own money

Notimeforaname · 22/12/2022 23:43

Nah yabu. You can't control what he buys.

You set a limit with your family. They did not. You cant make him do what you do.

Ginger1982 · 22/12/2022 23:54

His money, he can do what he likes.

RewildingAmbridge · 23/12/2022 08:12

It's not even your money, you have separate finances. As long as he can contribute what he needs to and doesn't get into debt surely it's up to him. There are likely things you spend your money on that he doesn't, he shouldn't criticise that either.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 23/12/2022 08:26

No one would be telling me how much I can spend on a much loved member of the family

MusicstillonMTV · 23/12/2022 08:34

fairylightfanatic · 22/12/2022 23:04

Whoops, posted that too soon. I know it’s none of my business as we both earn and keep separate spending money aside from our joint account. She is a lovely, deserving person, and it is Christmas!

Given this, I don't understand why you're even involved with this.

We have separate spending money and I don't even know how much my DH has spent on his parents because it's none of my business. He has mentioned what he has got but not exactly how much it cost and I wouldn't dream of asking him to make it a bit less