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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH spending on relatives Christmas presents, AIBU?

69 replies

fairylightfanatic · 22/12/2022 22:27

We are average/slightly below-average earners with reasonable disposable income but saving this up for a house deposit, every penny counts! DH wants to spend £110 on 3 front row theatre tickets for his auntie’s Christmas present with the idea she’d take her friends. She was like a mother to him growing up in the absence of his own.

There are cheaper theatre tickets with equally good views ie in the dress circle but he won’t entertain this and says she deserves the best seats and something that makes her happy, the value is not important to him but I know it will make January tighter than it need be whatever he says.

I don’t want to be controlling but I am anxious enough as it is about the cost of living crisis and think the amount of money spent is excessive when you could get tickets to the same show for £50 in total in the dress or upper circle. AIBU?

OP posts:
Obki · 23/12/2022 10:21

Christmas is for kids!

Oh bore off, OP 🙄

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/12/2022 10:25

fairylightfanatic · 22/12/2022 22:28

Not to drip feed but among my side of the family we have set a £30 limit, and I doubt his relatives will have spent anywhere like that figure on us (quite rightly! Christmas is for kids!)

@fairylightfanatic

christmas is for kids??

is it really ? Says who? You?

do people stop mattering once they grow up?

your husbands aunt sounds like an amazing person and you begrudge her a nice gift cos she’s not a kid?!

GoAgainstNicki · 23/12/2022 10:27

LBFseBrom · 22/12/2022 22:32

I think it is lovely that your husband wants to splash out on someone who has been such a positive figure in his life.

It won't take long to recover £110, please don't discourage him.

I agree wholeheartedly with this

MusicstillonMTV · 23/12/2022 10:29

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/12/2022 09:59

pleasantly surprised there’s no one saying it’s “family money” he shouldn’t be spending blah blah

Agree. I am also pleasantly surprised by a poster having a male partner who has actually chosen a gift for his side of the family rather than leaving it to her

MuchTooTired · 23/12/2022 10:31

YABU. It takes someone special to step up and fill that role in someone’s life, and it’s lovely he wants to treat her.

Admittedly I’m coming from a place of having lost my aunt who was like a mother to me and has got a little teary.

wednesday32 · 23/12/2022 10:33

I think the bigger issue here is why is this conversation only happening a week before the big day? It is the same date every year. What is the consensus on previous years? If your family have agreed £30 each that's great but his family don't have to follow the same rules. Also it is vague as to whether he is spending £110 or £330? Perhaps going forward you could be clear earlier on in the year as to your spending expectations for Christmas and you can set aside a small amount each month so you aren't questioning where the money is going. Whether it is £110 or £330, this may be the one thing a year he does to show his gratitude to her, whereas he may not spend frivolously through the year on other things. If I wanted to spend £300 on my mum i would do.

rookiemere · 23/12/2022 10:34

fairylightfanatic · 22/12/2022 23:04

Whoops, posted that too soon. I know it’s none of my business as we both earn and keep separate spending money aside from our joint account. She is a lovely, deserving person, and it is Christmas!

Do you think your finances are split fairly?
It seems odd that you have to budget so stringently if he has more available disposable income.
Maybe your real gripe is that money appears to be no barrier when it comes to his aunt, but he doesn't extend the same generosity to you.

Mischance · 23/12/2022 10:35

fairylightfanatic · 22/12/2022 23:04

Whoops, posted that too soon. I know it’s none of my business as we both earn and keep separate spending money aside from our joint account. She is a lovely, deserving person, and it is Christmas!

Got it in one!

playyourcardswrite · 23/12/2022 10:45

I too was brought up by an aunty and uncle.

It blows my mind how they stepped up and utterly changed all their life plans to do that for my sibling and I. It is something you can never repay in any shape or form.

I can't afford to spend that much on them this year, but I would never let someone with whom I had any sort of separate finances decide that for me.

lightswitchon · 23/12/2022 18:33

Yabu, it's his choice and what you have decided with your own family is up to you. Personally I think it's really lovely

LBFseBrom · 23/12/2022 18:39

I agree, lightswitchon, and it isn't as though he is planning on spending a fortune. £110 will soon be recovered and it won't hurt your saving plan to take a dip for one month.

LBFseBrom · 23/12/2022 18:40

I meant it won't hurt the op's savings plan.

Drwhattf · 01/12/2023 06:27

I’d be very happy that you have a generous and caring DH!

WandaWonder · 01/12/2023 06:31

If it's from his money you are being controlling

squashi · 01/12/2023 06:32

If I was buying theatre tickets as a gift I'd want to get good ones, but if you can't really afford £110 it sounds excessive to get an extra two.

Toomuchcawfee · 01/12/2023 06:37

YABU if it’s his spending money. As others have said, he may be buying for less people than you and can spend more per person.

YABU to say Christmas is for kids. I’m spending it with my parents this year and I’m even making them stockings. Don’t be a fun sponge. 😁

YANBU if seperate spending money is expected to go in to the savings pot for any reason. But it doesn’t sound like that is your financial setup.

Kedece2410 · 01/12/2023 06:40

Ffs ZOMBIE THREAD.

Ops husband was buying the tickets for Xmas 2022

Honestly how do folk find these threads to resurrect them

FestiveNearly · 01/12/2023 06:44

fairylightfanatic · 22/12/2022 23:04

Whoops, posted that too soon. I know it’s none of my business as we both earn and keep separate spending money aside from our joint account. She is a lovely, deserving person, and it is Christmas!

Zombie thread.
Comment deleted

DilemmaDelilah · 01/12/2023 09:16

You said you keep separate spending money, so if your DH if using his 'own' money to buy the present then I don't see how it will impact you?
My DH buys for his side of the family from his own money and I buy for mine out of my own, so if he wants to get expensive presents it just means he doesn't have much left for himself.

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