Its my wife's birthday tomorrow...just a handhold please

[Bog]

And this is the first one since she died. I just want her back with me and our son.

I'm so sorry, I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you xx

I’m so sorry 😞 would you like to tell us about her xx

I'm so sorry. The 'firsts' are always the hardest. Thinking of you and your son.

Sending you love and strength. This is my first Christmas without my husband, it was his birthday in August and I spent it by the sea as he loved the coast. I hope you find some peace in the day.

The firsts after someone's passing is always the worst :( I'm sorry for your loss

Hand hold here for you, I know exactly how you feel, and my only advice would be to take each hour as it comes.

Try to talk about her in a happy way and remember all the good fun times you had.

The first everything's are hard really hard sometimes, but you will get through this, it may not feel like it now but you really will.

She was my first everything. She was funny and understood me and I her. She was adopted and her awful birth mother got bored of her when she was younger and never bothered with her. She only wanted to know how she died. I wish she had died instead of my wife. She loved parrots and I can tell he misses her too. My only comfort is how much our son resembles her.

I try to. Our son loves Bing at the moment. I just remember her saying "I hate that fucking rabbit" lol

There really isn't enough help for those with depression. She would have been 37.

I'm so sorry Bog, I thought it might be you when I saw the title as I've seen you post before about your wife. I cant imagine how difficult this must be for you and your child. Would it help to tell us about some of the things you loved about her or share some of your happiest memories together 💐

This is a hurdle to be jumped, as I know only too well. There will be good memories too and I hope that they will soon begin to filter in amongst all the sadness.

I love that she was real. She had autism and would just tell the truth. I love that she unapologetically told me she thought I was a twat at first when we sat next to each other at work after a new seating plan.
I love that I could just be myself around her. My happiest memory is our wedding day. I'm younger by 9 years. Also my favourite memories are just by making her laugh.

And I love that she could make me laugh.

If it wasn't for her, I'd still be stuck in my room playing fifa all day.

Handhold here OP - and my thoughts

Gentle handhold here too. What did she used to say that made you laugh? A shared sense of humour is a wonderful thing.

Your wife sounds a little like my best friend

I won’t lie and say that things get ‘better’, but they do change
The first year is probably the worst, as you’re experiencing everything without her.
But she will now always be around, there will be memories for you in the most mundane as well as the specials

It was my friends birthday a couple of weeks ago, and a couple of us went out for dinner. But what was even better was a few days later in town seeing a shelf full of toys with the ‘try me button’ …… so we just had to do her old trick if setting off every noisy toy along the aisle all together

So I love football. Her favourite thing to do was when I was out the room and shout goooooaaaaaaal. Obviously after a few times I got wise.
She had a rather foul sense of humour...when we started dating she showed me league of gentlemen. That kind of thing made her laugh. She did a great impression of Tubs and Edward.

Hahaha yes that's something my wife would have done. Used to love annoying cold callers too.

I've also seen you post before about your wife. I'm so sorry @Bog, life is cruel and unfair and this just sucks - about as much as life can ever suck.

I share the 22nd as the birthday of someone dear to me. I shall be lighting a candle for her - and for you - at 8pm this evening. It's a small gesture, but those are what we have an in impersonal, virtual world and in the absence of those we wish were here with us.

Handhold and kind thoughts coming to you, and I wish you and your son blessings at this dark time. You'll get through it. Just baby steps

Thank you all. Yes that sounds like a good idea Marial.

I haven't much to add to the lovely words already expressed by other posters. Just another person who has suffered loss and understands the pain. Your wife sounds like an utterly fabulous person. Hope you and your son will be a comfort to each other today and over Christmas.

That sounds brilliant Bog; I can just imagine the Gòooooooooallll! moments.

Would it help at all to write down some of your memories? Not if it increases your pain of course.

My first partner died in my twenties, and I kept a tiny book with some favourite memories, including his ability to have deeply serious philosophical debates with the dog. Decades later. I still stumble on those memories and smile.

Thinking of you.

Big hug from me to you and child. It hurts like he'll but be strong. Doesn't help that it's also close to Christmas. I hope you have a good support network to help you through.

Our son is very much like his mother. Looks like her, can't sleep without his blankie bear and has a temper. But is also hilarious, bath time is a nightmare as I have to chase him 🤣