Its my wife's birthday tomorrow...just a handhold please

[Bog]

And this is the first one since she died. I just want her back with me and our son.

I’m so sorry @Bog . She was no age at all to die. Did you have any traditions you had at Christmas you and your son could do? And can you think of any new ones that are fun for you both? Start the day with a bubble bath together or something silly. Also lighting a candle as pp suggested is a lovely idea x

Handhold here. Your wife sounds lovely and very loved. I will be thinking of you and her and your little boy tomorrow, and I'll light a candle for your wife x

Your hand is held here x

I'm just angry that she wanted so much for her birth mother to love her like she did her youngest daughter. They have since reconciled only at the sacrifice of my wife. I just hate all of them, she had no interest in my wife or our son. Its now passed on to our son. His biological grandmother isn't interested, but gushes about her granddaughter. If it wasn't for my wife dying and telling me to reach out to her half sister they wouldn't have made up. I hate them so much. The stupid woman only cares about her cats, prodigy and racking up husbands (currently on number 3) oh and looking like an absolute trollop with botox and filler at 54.

Would you accept a massive bear hug instead of a hand-hold?
and a smaller, less constrictive one for your DS?

She sounds amazing if a bit annoying by shouting "goal" do you still play Fifa?

@CrepuscularCritter I do that with my cat...I don't think he understands (sawdust for brains).😻
@MarieIVanArkleStinks I'll do that tonight - normally tomorrow, but my Dad is in no position to argue.

Now I know I'm not allowed to name names but if anyone knows AW married to SW from doncaster then that's the sort of mother she was. When my wife got dvt in her leg she was told...oh thats sad oh well I'm off to the shops now. Vile woman.

@Bog My mum hated the bones of me. I looked like my dad.
You can't force anything.
Your son is loved and adored by you, and via you by your wife. He really doesn't need her mother in his life.

When our second son died unexpectedly, somone told me that it's a rucksack on your back full of stones. The stones will slowly go but you will never get rid of the rucksack, Eight years on it is working well for me. Best wishes.

I'll PM you - not about Donny.

I know but it was so sad watching her every birthday albeit was only 5 I spent with her. Watching her constantly check social media to see if she'd "changed her mind and loves me again". She loved her adoptive parents too but her biological mother messed her up.

That happened to me this summer, and developed into two large PEs. I know from first-hand how terrifying it is - and how lucky I am to have survived. I'm so sorry.

I’m so sorry Bog, your wife sounds ace. I can’t begin to imagine how much you miss her

Don't tell us about her Mum. We don't care about her. Your wife sounds wonderful. And you sound like a very lovely Dad. He's a lucky little boy xx

My wife's dvt happened long before we met but she said it was painful and her leg looked enormous. I hope you are recovered 🙂

So sorry OP, may the season be kind to you and your son

I'm sorry I'm just angry because of her I don't have a wife and our son doesn't have his mummy.
For the pp asking if I still play fifa...not at the moment as nfl is on and I'm playing some card game. Haha that's reminded me. She'd say to me I might be stupid but at least I don't buy fifa every year. And well done you spent real money in exchange for fifa points you financial fucking genius.

This was before we had our son I have since stopped buying fifa points.

No wise words from me I'm afraid, but just - your wife sounds fab.

Holding your hand here bog so sorry life is so bloody unfair a lot of the time. Your wife was a brilliant person and you sound like you are too. I hope you and your wee boy have a nice time together this Christmas despite the sadness x

Handhold here. She sounds wonderful and your love for her shines through your writing. So so sorry for your loss. Sending you and your lovely wee boy lots of love x

I can feel your love for your wife.

no wise words, except to try to remember the good times

i am so very sorry for your loss.

She sounds brilliant!

@Bog

I'm adopted too. I'm so sorry that your lovely wife had to experience what she did with her bio family. I can understand how hurtful that must have been for her. Her situation is just one of the reasons that I have chosen never to look for my bio family. I'm old enough now that my bio parents are most likely dead, but I do have bio half-siblings 'out there' somewhere. But I had perfect 'real' parents (because our adoptive parents are our real parents) who raised me and gave me a beautiful life and a wonderful extended family. I'm hoping from your comment about her loving her 'real' parents (the ones who raised her) that she had that also.

If you haven't, is there any way you can completely block her bio-family? Your darling DS doesn't need them in his life, nor do you. DS has YOU and I assume other family and friends to love and cherish him. I know you said she asked you to reach out to her half sister, but I'm also pretty sure that she would take back those words if she knew it was causing you pain.

I hope I haven't come across as too much of a 'bossy boots' and forgive me if I have. I wish you and DS love, peace, and soon joy to add to those.

So very sorry for you loss

My heart breaks for you.

What you have written in your posts about your wife is so loving and beautiful. Can I suggest you get a notebook and just write down your beautiful memories of your wife for your son.

Your wife has passed but she lives on in your son. Your love lives on as does her love for you and your son.

I am so sorry for your loss @Bog , I lost my DH 5years ago, this time of the year is always hard, but I promise you year by year the pain fades though I don't believe it will ever go away.
I agree with pp , if you can write down some memories and your thoughs I did this and still do occasional add to my book. I have photos , scraps of paper with his writing on .
I also have a small box with things like his favourite lighter ,tòbaco tin , car keys , wedding ring , snooker cue chalk and other odd bits.
I think it would help you and it is something that you can pass on to your DS when he is old enough to understand it.

You are allowed to be angry with your MIL but don't let it consume you, your hate may rub off on your son and at the moment he is to young to be able to differate between who you are cross at he may think he has done something wrong.