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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Will SS be called due to my very crap suicide attempt?

60 replies

messedupagain95 · 22/12/2022 09:59

I 'attempted' suicide a few days ago. I won't go into all the details but felt so so so overwhelmed and crappy, also hadn't been taking my anti depressants for PND.

My DS was away with DP for the day. I had fought with DP that morning and basically said f*ck it they would be so much better off without me. So when they went out I cracked into the Christmas drink and thought of ways to go about it. My mum called, I told her what was going on. She couldn't get through to DP. She lives hours away so phoned the police, who came.

All went as well as it could until they were about to leave DP and DS arrived home. Police spoke to DP, said they will have to report that there is a child living in the house. But they will 'word it as best as they can' but it will be out of their control if 'it is passed on or not' that will be up to their higher ups.

DS was not here when I did anything. He was with an adult who cares and loves him.

I am not absolutely crapping myself the SS are going to come and take my child away. I've been reluctant to get MH help at all since having him as the MH services provided made me feel like if I wasn't coping they would take him away so I've basically lied about how I feel.

DP has been really good, said he didn't realise I felt this bad and what we can do to get me help. I've already reached out to a lot of good sources who helped me in the past.

Sorry for long post but didn't want to drip feed.

YABU - They won't take your child away
YANBU - They will take your child.

OP posts:

thesnow · 22/12/2022 10:02

They won't take your child away.

I'm sorry you're ill. Your child has two parents, and the one who isn't ill can do the care. You concentrate on getting yourself the help you need, and getting better. Take the medicines, use the crisis team if needed, get help.

Get well soon.

Tonkerbea · 22/12/2022 10:02

Didn't want to read and run OP. Have you got access to MH support? Sending ❤, I really hope you can get some help. Have you heard of Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig? X

YellowHpok · 22/12/2022 10:03

They won't take your baby OP. If they do anything, it will be to help you get the support you need to get better.

Have you spoken to a healthier professional since? I would give your health visitor and GP a call to let them know how low you are so they can get you some support.

The samaritans are great for supporting people in crisis when it all feels a bit much. Take care of yourself xx

OlympicProcrastinator · 22/12/2022 10:04

YABU they absolutely will NOT take your child away! You may or may not get a call or even a visit to offer support but there is a huge, long pathway before a child is removed. Contrary to popular belief, social services cannot just remove children, they have to apply to court, provide evidence that removal would be in the best interests of the child and would be asked to give details of all the avenues taken and support offered to keep the family together first.

Im sorry you are feeling so troubled at the moment. But losing your child isn’t something you need to worry about at this stage.

Rarararaaa · 22/12/2022 10:04

Sorry you're feeling this way OP.

My friend did similar and SS were involved BUT not to take away her children! To help her!

She was also a single parent so I am not sure if that makes a difference as the children's dad wasn't there to take over if things got bad.

Is your DP your children's dad? It sounds like he isn't from your posts so whether that will count or not I don't know.

My mum attempted suicide when I was a child but lived with my dad and as far as I'm aware SS weren't involved. Whether that's because my dad was there and wasn't deemed to have any MH issues at the time I don't know.

Hope you are okay and get the help you need.

x2boys · 22/12/2022 10:05

They won't take your child away ,but they may do.a safe guardian g referral to social.services ,who might need to come and do an assessment ,it might be a positive thing and help you get the help.you need .

SparklyShoesandTutus · 22/12/2022 10:06

I'm really sorry to hear you have been feeling so low. It is really important to reach out and get support. I'm pleased to hear you called your mum. That was the right thing to do.
Mental Health services are there to help. There are other great services available if you ever feel like that again such as papyrus.
In relation to SS it is likely that they will contact you but their goal is not to take your child away but it is to look at support required to help keep your child safe and make sure you have support in place.
Please do not be scared they deal woth cases like this all the time and very rarely remove children.
Its great that you have spoken to your DP, keep talking. They definitely wouldn't be better off without you.
Can you restart your medication? Try and get an appointment woth your Gp or look into self referring to the local MH services.
How old is your child? It maybe that the local perinatal service can offer you support.
Take care

FMLonceavain · 22/12/2022 10:06

As someone who works in this field please do not be afraid of SS they don’t have a swot. Team to take your DS. They will be notified and will make contact but they can offer support and services to help you get back on track and they most certainly do not take children for this as your child was safe and cared for.
it’s ok to tell them you are not ok and need support and they will help with that x

Downthestais · 22/12/2022 10:08

The police should refer it in to social care. Social care may do a one off visit but this is quite unlikely. They may call instead. Nothing to be scared of. They may keep your case open for a while but again unlikely. Most likely is they will do nothing. Social care will definitely, definitely not take your child away.

PenanceAdair · 22/12/2022 10:10

They won't take your child away as he has another parent who takes care of him, as well as grandparents. He isn't in danger of neglect or abuse. They probably won't come or do anything because of that too.

I'm sorry you felt this rough and you seem like a good parent to still think about your child.

You do need to get help immediately, so let your husband help you through it. Speak to your GP to refer you to mental health services. You need help to take your meds and go through the MH support.

Please hang in there. I hope your family gets through this.

Ponoka7 · 22/12/2022 10:18

I agree that they will offer support. They may just check that your DP realises how bad things are and can adequately safeguard your child. That will include not leaving him in your care if you seem to be going into crisis. Sadly there's been a few women with PND who have killed themselves and their children while the DP was out of the house, so it might be on their radar depending on your LA. If you went into full crisis they would just tell your DP that he has to step in as primary carer, it's disgraceful if services have implied that you will lose residency because they have no reason to remove your child from your DP (if you had to go into hospital). It sounds as though the police were sympathetic and used common sense. It's them who can instantly remove a child, eg if your DP wasn't at home. But he would be returned to your DP's care, while you got better, still at home.

flossymuldoon · 22/12/2022 10:24

oh I’m so sorry your feeling the way you do . I hope you get the support you need.

Please please take your anti depressants. Stopping them abruptly can cause all kinds of MH issues including suicide.

www.healthline.com/health/depression/dangers-of-stopping-antidepressants

if you want to come off them there are updated guidelines to avoid some of the effects:

www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mental-health/treatments-and-wellbeing/stopping-antidepressants?searchTerms=Stopping%20anti

Stompythedinosaur · 22/12/2022 10:36

Social services can't remove kids in really bad living situations, you don't need to worry about this. They may offer additional support, which is no bad thing.

WhenPidgeonsAttack · 22/12/2022 10:40

They won't take DC off of you, I had PND with my first, I made an attempt and SS we're informed. They liaised with my doctor and health visitor team to best help me. They had a couple of visits to see how I was and to offer as much help as they could.

You'll get through this, just take it a day at a time and go easy on yourself.

Take care and I hope you feel better soon

MaverickSnoopy · 22/12/2022 10:44

Sorry things have been so hard for you. I put off getting help with my MH problems but eventually did and feel so much better for it. I've done safeguarding training and know that social services just want to help people. Taking children is a very very last resort. If they contact you, be open and honest. Reach out and accept any help offered.

VeryMoist · 22/12/2022 10:51

They won't take your child away as you have a partner there as well but you will be monitored and rightly so. Hope you get well soon 💐

Optimist2020 · 22/12/2022 10:57

Hi @messedupagain95 I’m a child protection social worker. Based on what you’ve wrote , yabu. I think a social worker would come out to complete an assessment though, to see what support you are getting .

As others have said, removing a child is the last resort and would usually happen after a long period of Child Protection and Pre -Proceedings.

babynobbaby · 22/12/2022 11:02

OP you need to show that you are trying to help yourself for the mental illness. Lying about the severity, not seeking help, stopping medication are all signs that would not look great. SS won't take your child but at the same time, you need to show you are taking it seriously and doing everything in your power to get help and recover

So sorry you felt as low as you did. Being honest with everyone including officials is really the only way to get the adequate support you so clearly need

All the best

MrsRinaDecker · 22/12/2022 11:07

I tried this when my children were young. SS weren’t involved at all (although in my case an ambulance was called rather than police). I almost wish they had been as maybe I would have received better support.
I hope that you’re feeling a little less desperate today, and that this thread has somewhat reassured you. It’s hard when your brain always jumps to the worst case scenario.

Mariposista · 22/12/2022 11:22

Actually take him away no, but they should get involved (it would be wrong of them just to leave a very vulnerable adult who really needs help to it when there is a little child involved). I hope you get the help and support you need and that 2023 goes better for you.

PennyRa · 22/12/2022 12:42

They won't take your children away but you do need their help

MardyMincepie · 22/12/2022 12:49

SS should be called, I cannot go in to details due to confidentiality but the women who I know who have had children removed due to their MH had cases that were far more complex than yours. I would ask why you are not taking your meds though. You also have a supportive partner by the sound of it. Be totally honest with them.

Plus you should stop drinking alcohol completely, it’s a depressant in itself. Trouble is the UK has such an issue with social stuff around booze people just can’t contemplate it.

Kidsaregrim · 22/12/2022 12:51

I’m so sorry you are in this situation and I can explain what would happen if you were under my care.

Mash referral where social care would see what threshold you met
health visitor
GP referral, I would be requesting an urgent appointment for a mental health assessment/medication
Talking change/IApT referral as you will go straight to the top of the list as you have had a baby within 2 years (I assume)
who are your protective factors - in your case you husband and how involved and supportive he is
do you have your local mental health crisis number?
have you started re taking your medication? Please do.

children are not taken into the care of the local authority without a lot more, we know that separating a mother from her child for MH will make it worse. However we do have to safeguard your child and would be looking at you to engage with help and support offered

I hope you get all the help and support you deserve and need x

purpledalmation · 22/12/2022 12:55

They won't take the child away and will give you some much needed support.

Original poster

messedupagain95 · 22/12/2022 14:41

Thank you all for your huge support, I thought I would be demonised on here. I'm feeling reassured that my child isn't going to be whisked away from me in the night.

I didn't stop taking them, I just forget some days. I should keep a track on my phone there must be an app to remind me.

DP is DS's father and yes he is very supportive and wonderful. He is treating me so kindly the last few days, he's never mean normally btw, just hugging me lots, saying everything will be OK, we will find money for private counselling, me getting better is very important.

I agree about stopping drinking, I don't think I am an alcoholic but I have been to AA, I have made sure super supportive friends there who I think know what I am going through and that I'll reach out to. Alcoholic or not alcohol does not agree with my MH I reach for it when in crisis and it's like pouring fuel on the fire! Not quietening it.

I was very honest with the MH team when pregnant, 1 made me feel like if I so much had a bad day SS would step in and take my child away so I stopped being honest and said everything was roses.

Today/ the last few days have been lovely DS is still a small baby so lots of cuddling and playing.

@MrsRinaDecker I am sorry you went through that, but yes it is comforting to know I am not the only woman to have felt this way and that you 'came out the other side'

OP posts:

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